Relapse after 4 1/2 years
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2017
Posts: 3
Relapse after 4 1/2 years
I had a back fusion and was not honest about my past addiction and easily fell and relapsed again. On day 9 off of opiates! Tried to commit suicide 5 days ago on benzodiazepines! I feel terrible! Any help would be appreciated!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Planet Earth (most days)
Posts: 1,596
Welcome, Hester! Much love to you! I relapsed last November after 4+ years of sobriety, so I know where you are coming from. Please stay close and post. Again, so much love to you!!!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2016
Posts: 176
Hester01,
First great job on those 4.5 yrs. A great achievement. Something to be very proud of!...
Are you still taking benzos? It appears this may be what is causing severe depression, suicide ideology. If you did attempt suicide, please, please seek professional help! Please seek professional help in withdrawing from benzos if this is the case. You will feel better with time. Just get through today.
Some of us have attempted or have had suicide ideology. Only a professional can give you the real help you need. We can however plea with you to not take your own life. We can give you love and support from a far, but what you really need is professional medical help. Is there anyone you can call?
I'm sorry you weren't honest at the time. You are being honest now and that's what matters. A really good thing. Please hang on! You can over come this with help and patience. Life is precious and you are worthy of living a reasonably happy life. I'm sorry if your in physical and emotional pain.
It will get better, if you reach out for help. You can get those clean-sober days back and more.
Please keep talking to someone. Check in and let us know how your doing. We want to see you healthy and whole as possible People care!..
First great job on those 4.5 yrs. A great achievement. Something to be very proud of!...
Are you still taking benzos? It appears this may be what is causing severe depression, suicide ideology. If you did attempt suicide, please, please seek professional help! Please seek professional help in withdrawing from benzos if this is the case. You will feel better with time. Just get through today.
Some of us have attempted or have had suicide ideology. Only a professional can give you the real help you need. We can however plea with you to not take your own life. We can give you love and support from a far, but what you really need is professional medical help. Is there anyone you can call?
I'm sorry you weren't honest at the time. You are being honest now and that's what matters. A really good thing. Please hang on! You can over come this with help and patience. Life is precious and you are worthy of living a reasonably happy life. I'm sorry if your in physical and emotional pain.
It will get better, if you reach out for help. You can get those clean-sober days back and more.Please keep talking to someone. Check in and let us know how your doing. We want to see you healthy and whole as possible People care!..
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,569
Hi Hester. I'm sorry for what you've gone through. You are precious & needed in this world - I hope you will begin to feel better. Talking it over here may ease your anxiety a bit. We all understand.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
You'll find a ton of support and hope here Hester - I'm glad you found us 
I really believe that what we do today is the most important part of the journey...it's great you got back up and are fighting again
D
I really believe that what we do today is the most important part of the journey...it's great you got back up and are fighting again
D
Member
Join Date: Oct 2016
Location: CA
Posts: 1,060
Welcome Hester to SR. Sorry to hear about your relapse and subsequent depression. Congrats on 9 days!!! You are in the storm right now and the fight is on. Since you've been there before you know it's worth it. Don't beat yourself up over the relapse, learn from it and move on. You're trudging the road to happiness.
Good luck and many prayers
Good luck and many prayers
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2017
Posts: 3
Day 10, feeling a little better
I am getting help, I'm seeing a physiotherapist, plan on going to a NA meeting tonight and grief counseling tomorrow night. I've lost 2 husbands, 1 to lung cancer (lasted 2 months from diagnosis) and the love of my life to a heart attack right in front of me. I started abusing the medicine almost 7 years ago and after losing my husband, I went to rehab and stayed clean for all that time until I had back surgery. What I realized is that I got help and knowledge for addiction but never got help for the grief. So, this time around I'm seeking help for everything! I've got 2 wonderful grown children and 3 beautiful precious grandchildren to live for! I know I'll know I'll get better, I just have to weather the storm once again!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 3,777
Benzos are a tough one to get off of. When my sister was diagnosed with cancer, I was prescribed Benzos to keep calm. I then had to wean off of the meds slowly as the withdrawl was a horrendous ordeal that the doctor was scared for me to experience. I do understand your situation. I hope you are starting to at least feel slightly better after 10 days.
It is good to read that you are addressing your grief. I am sorry for the loss of both of your husbands. I hope this site can help you along with outside support.
Take care of you. Be gentle and know that you can get through this.
It is good to read that you are addressing your grief. I am sorry for the loss of both of your husbands. I hope this site can help you along with outside support.
Take care of you. Be gentle and know that you can get through this.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2011
Posts: 2,258
Hester day 11!!!!!!!!! I know what you mean by weathering the storm once again. The guilt/shame/remorse that comes with our addictions is awful. I can beat myself up like the best of them. Coming off the opiates is hell, absolute hell and when I think of how many times I have detoxed off those damn pills I feel sick. There was 2 times that the detox was so bad I swore I would never ever use again.. nope, used again.
I think your plan sounds awesome. You sound hopeful. You have a good plan. Keep posting, and let us know how the meeting went!!!
Proud of you
I think your plan sounds awesome. You sound hopeful. You have a good plan. Keep posting, and let us know how the meeting went!!!
Proud of you
Member
Join Date: Mar 2016
Posts: 176
I'm so sorry you've lost two husbands. The shock, pain and grief it brings can be so overwhelming.. Feeling unbearable. Traumatizing every part of your being.
Seeking and obtaining help is a step in the right direction towards healing. Going through all the grief stages with professionals should help. With time may you heal from these painful losses.
Thankful, you have a beautiful family to help support you. It can be a tremendous motivating factor to keep going on.
Congrats on your 10 days. Awesome... Keep that attitude of gratitude flowing. You will get through this one day at a time.
Take good care....
The shock, pain and grief it brings can be so overwhelming.. Feeling unbearable. Traumatizing every part of your being. Seeking and obtaining help is a step in the right direction towards healing. Going through all the grief stages with professionals should help. With time may you heal from these painful losses.
Thankful, you have a beautiful family to help support you. It can be a tremendous motivating factor to keep going on.
Congrats on your 10 days. Awesome... Keep that attitude of gratitude flowing. You will get through this one day at a time.
Take good care....
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