golfinmidwest

I have tried to quit many times in the past 2 and half years. I can go months without drinking, but I always end up "seeing if I can manage my drinking" and I can't. I have received no benefits from drinking, but I don't know why I keep trying it. I have tried different plans and it is not that I need to drink it is just that I want to see if I can......it seems stupid to me, but I do.

I had another drinking binge yesterday, spend money for no reason, do dumb things for no reason, and then sit here today feeling bad and wishing I didn't do it and feeling guilty.

All I know is I need this to be the last time because nothing good will come for it, but I need to remember this a month or two from now to not do this again.

ScottFromWI

Welcome back golf. I tried the same thing for years myself. For me the only thing that set me free was finally accepting that I am an alcoholic. By that I mean I accept that taking even one sip of alcohol will never, ever be an option for me. And i'm OK with that - something in the fabric of "me" just doesn't allow me to control my drinking, no matter what form of "moderation" I tried.

Once you can do that you can work on a plan that can keep you grounded moving forward. It's not easy to do but it is a simple concept.

PhoenixJ

welcome.

tomsteve

"it is just that I want to see if I can...."
which you proved you,like me, can drink. I can drink any time I want to.
I have many years,though, of memories that show me I cant drink responsibly
because im an alcoholic.
however, im an alcoholic that surrendered.
you've been here 8 years now. same story every few months to a year.
nothing changes if nothing changes.
do you want to stop drinking for good?
are you willing to do whatever is necessary for that to occur?
are you willing to go to any lengths? willing to do whatever action is necessary?

Anna

It really does take fully accepting that you can no longer drink alcohol to make this work. Once you make that decision, things will start to change in your thinking and you will be able to make this work.

I'm so glad that you came back and are still working on your recovery.

Nikkabean326

I'm a binge drinker and can definitely relate to this. I've tried to moderate more times than I care to admit, but 9 days ago I had had enough. I can't drink normally, so I'm devoting myself to a life of sobriety. Guilt used to overwhelm me, especially on Sunday mornings when I would wake up not knowing what crazy things I may have said or done the previous night. My tip to you is to just write here everyday. Even if you aren't a daily drinker, just stay here with us to remind yourself of what your end goal is. Although I don't feel compelled to drink everyday, I still post in the forum. It helps to keep my goals right in front of me rather than a few months out. Hope to see you write here again!

doggonecarl

Your post today is similar to your last post to SR (http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ing-again.html)

Posted in November, you never posted again. I not saying that as a condemnation, but to offer a suggestion for this:

If you are going to use SR for support, use it. Daily. Join a newcomers thread. Vent. Post when you are struggling, and more importantly, post before you drink. Posting after you drink, full of remorse, and vowing to change, is not the way to stop repeating the cycle.

golfinmidwest

Thank you everyone for the feedback. I don't post often, but will try to do it more often. It seems that I only post when I'm down and don't come back when things are good.

FitNonDrinker

Mr. Carl is right. I come here every day and many times just read. Perspective. And not listening to that voice that wants you to try and manage one more time.

Hope this is your FIRST day of sobriety forever!

Done4today

Welcome back golf,

My drinking cycle was very similar to yours. I was able to string 6 months, 9 months and even a year multiple times over the past 30 years of my drinking. I was miserable during my brief attempts at sobriety. Now I have 16 months and I am completely happy and recovering. The difference between my past attempts and this one is working a program that began by me surrendering to the fact I am an alcoholic. I can't and never will be able to drink like a normie. Once I accepted this, not having that first drink has been easy. Now not drinking isn't a problem but I work daily on my sobriety so that I can be happy and sober. Find a recovery program that works for you and work it. Put the time and effort into your recovery that you put into drinking and drugging. You will have a life you wouldn't have thought possible. Good luck and many prayers

Hevyn

Hi golfinmidwest. I tried for many years to experiment with different ways of controlling my drinking. Every attempt led back to a horror show. Never once did I have 'just one or two'. I was dependent on it - & there was no going back to being a social drinker. I was a slow learner - but here I am heading towards 10 yrs. sober. You can do it too! We're with you.

noneever

I have experimented with every possible variation of moderation and told myself countless times, "it'll just be one or two" or "just for tonight" or "I can control this".
I cannot control it and at this point, I don't even want to be able to control my drinking. I cannot and do not want to drink ever again. I am terrified but the alternative is not pretty.