lupy3687

My little brother began his sobriety from heroin and opiates on March 18, 2017 after an overdose. He was administered Narcan and was not breathing when he was found. He is in okay health but still finding his footing with his sobriety. He began Naltrexone to help with urges, therapy 1x a week, visit with his psychiatrist 1x a month, and 4-5 NA meetings a week. He has recently cancelled his therapy appt for 2 weeks straight and is down to 1 or 2 every 2 weeks. He is extremely fatigued and lacking motivation (and is aware of it) but also seems to be making some important realizations. To me he is clearly in the early stages of figuring out his recovery and processing all that has happened and redefining his life.

My parents are trying to plan a 2-week trip to Europe at the end of July with our immediate family. He will be around the 4 month mark by then. I feel it is WAY TOO SOON to be taking him out of his routine. They feel it will be a way to lift his spirits.

Can someone offer any thoughts on this?? I am truly worried that this will be detrimental to his recovery as he does not seem grounded in it yet.

Chino

Is he an adult?

AnvilheadII

i'd suggest a fully refundable ticket, just to be safe.

other than that? it is HIS recovery to manage........isn't it?

lupy3687

He is 24 years old and has said about himself that he feels he operates with the mind of a 16 year old since that is when he started using substances.

It is his recovery to manage, yes. I think I need to step back from the role I am playing in all of this - I am the stabilizer and because I am a therapist by profession, a lot of weight has been put on me to "guide" my parents. It is his recovery, but they are also recovering from their own trauma as well. Both suffer from severe depression and anxiety (even before all of this began) and I am hoping to make a joint family decision about a joint family vacation about what is best. Unfortunately, everyone turns to me as the person who knows what is "best" and I am reaching out to figure out what that means in this scenario.

Whitewingeddove

Who will be funding your brother's portion of the expenses? If it's your parents, I guess that is their decision to make. Is the possibility of him being there to enjoy the family experience worth the risk of him missing out due to using again? Will he potentially ruin vacation for everyone if he relapses and is back in active addiction on the trip? A refundable ticket is a great idea. Early recovery is too delicate, and you can't plan anything with certainty around it.
All that being said, I don't think the rest of the family should delay any plans to "wait and see" how he is, and go from there......why should his addiction affect the enjoyment of others any more than it already does?
I'm sorry to say that what you are describing about your brother's behavior (missed appts, etc) in the last couple weeks is not leading me to be encouraged that he will make it to 2 months, say nothing about 4 months. If he hasn't "picked up" yet, his behavior is suggesting he's not 100% invested in his recovery, and may be pre-relapse.
In addition, his revelations recently should not be given too much credit. Perhaps he's been clean long enough to really start thinking, but try not to read too much into it at this point. I don't mean to sound negative, but after 18 years off and on with my crack addict husband, and the past 10 years or so (and as many trips to rehab) with my addicted son, I've "been there, done that, got the tshirt".

Ann

Vacations abroad, this early in recovery, rarely end well.

I agree with stepping back but perhaps since you will be going too, have a plan ready for if he relapses or worse, gets arrested in a foreign country.

Good luck, I hope things go well for all of you.

lupy3687

@Ann - thanks for your insight. It is unclear whether the plans will continue or not.

@whitewingeddove - my parents are paying for the trip (although nothing has been booked or paid for yet). My dad doesn't leave him alone at home for even 2 minutes except to go to the bathroom (not an exaggeration)so there is NO chance they will continue the trip without him. My parents literally asked me to come over one night because they wanted to go to a concert and I realized, damn, I am babysitting a 24-year-old, who might I add, slept from 4pm that day until 10am the next morning.

Also, when I asked them what the rush was in planning this trip, they casually dropped the fact that he will likely be going to medical school in the fall in the Caribbean..MEDICAL SCHOOL. Am I the only sane one here?! Or maybe I am the crazy one...

Chino

lupy, I hope you'll consider steering the joint family decision away from a trip and instead towards family therapy with an addiction specialist (excluding your brother). Your parents don't seem to grasp the severity of this chronic incurable disease and are slowly but surely placing responsibility for your brother on your shoulders.

Ten years ago, my therapist told me if I wanted my adult daughter to own her disease then I would have to let her. Your parents need help learning how to do that and the sooner they do it, the better off you will all be and your brother's life depends on it.

dandylion

Lupy.....do your parents or brother realize what foreign jails are like? They need to be informed.....