Need to stop, but I don't know how
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2017
Posts: 19
Need to stop, but I don't know how
Hi all. I'm a 36 year old guy, and I'm sick and tired of my current life. I spend every weekend and a couple of nights during the week drunk, and I usually do cocaine once or twice a week too. I always liked a drink but it's just been getting progressively worse for the last 5 years or so.
I have a good job, own my own house and probably look like a guy doing well for himself on the outside. I'm single about 2 years now, my last girlfriend had issues with booze too and we weren't good for each other.
Anyway, I've woken up today, on this Holiday Monday, and I really want to change. I took a Xanax yesterday (another bad habit creeping up on me) to get through my alcohol/cocaine hangover, had about 6 beers, and today I don't feel that bad really.
I think I can try to start sobriety today.
I just need some support. I don't really have anyone to talk to about this, and I don't know what to do. I have tried before but the most I ever last is 2 or 3 days before buying booze again. I live a pretty solitary life and my only "friends" are people I would see when drinking and doing coke.
How do I go about stopping? What the hell else can I do with my time? Is anyone in the same boat as myself? I do exercise a couple of times a week, it's something I really like but I'm hungover about half the week and unable to do much, so I know I could spend more time exercising if I gave it up, I'm sure it would make me feel better about myself.
How can I convince myself buying a few beers later isn't bad? I always think, a few tonight, then tomorrow I'll stop. Please help, and thanks so much for reading.
I have a good job, own my own house and probably look like a guy doing well for himself on the outside. I'm single about 2 years now, my last girlfriend had issues with booze too and we weren't good for each other.
Anyway, I've woken up today, on this Holiday Monday, and I really want to change. I took a Xanax yesterday (another bad habit creeping up on me) to get through my alcohol/cocaine hangover, had about 6 beers, and today I don't feel that bad really.
I think I can try to start sobriety today.
I just need some support. I don't really have anyone to talk to about this, and I don't know what to do. I have tried before but the most I ever last is 2 or 3 days before buying booze again. I live a pretty solitary life and my only "friends" are people I would see when drinking and doing coke.
How do I go about stopping? What the hell else can I do with my time? Is anyone in the same boat as myself? I do exercise a couple of times a week, it's something I really like but I'm hungover about half the week and unable to do much, so I know I could spend more time exercising if I gave it up, I'm sure it would make me feel better about myself.
How can I convince myself buying a few beers later isn't bad? I always think, a few tonight, then tomorrow I'll stop. Please help, and thanks so much for reading.
Hears The Voice
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Unshackled
Posts: 7,901
Welcome to Sober Recovery!
I did this for at least 10 years. I'd just buy enough for tonight - my last hoorah - and then tomorrow God will miracle my ass sober and I'll never drink again.
Things worked a lot better for me when I made a plan for what to do when I felt like drinking. You know, besides sitting in my chair shaking my leg anxiously, debating in my head the merits of drinking just one more time and then tomorrow...
More exercise sounds like a good idea. What else did you like to do before you started drinking and coking and forgot how to do anything else?
Originally Posted by Dubstar 
I always think, a few tonight, then tomorrow I'll stop.
Things worked a lot better for me when I made a plan for what to do when I felt like drinking. You know, besides sitting in my chair shaking my leg anxiously, debating in my head the merits of drinking just one more time and then tomorrow...
More exercise sounds like a good idea. What else did you like to do before you started drinking and coking and forgot how to do anything else?
Canine Welfare Advocate
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
Welcome to SR.
I spent the last ten years of my drinking doing this dance. Why? I wasn't really committed to quitting. I wanted to drink, just without the consequences of drinking.
When you are ready to quit, you'll quit. You may struggle, but you'll be committed to getting over those hurdles and getting sober. If you aren't accepting of your addiction and want to "control" your drinking or otherwise maintain some semblance of your old life, you'll drink.
Which are you?
Originally Posted by Dubstar
How can I convince myself buying a few beers later isn't bad? I always think, a few tonight, then tomorrow I'll stop.
When you are ready to quit, you'll quit. You may struggle, but you'll be committed to getting over those hurdles and getting sober. If you aren't accepting of your addiction and want to "control" your drinking or otherwise maintain some semblance of your old life, you'll drink.
Which are you?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2017
Posts: 19
Originally Posted by Nonsensical
More exercise sounds like a good idea. What else did you like to do before you started drinking and coking and forgot how to do anything else?
There are other interests I have, I just can't really develop them when I'm hungover all the time. I also waste most of my money on booze and coke so that limits things too.
I'm an insomniac too, I think that drives me to drink also. But I'm probably only an insomniac because of the booze! I think if I went clean for a while I'd probably sleep better.
I can't even take myself seriously yet, I've had so many false starts at this. How can I make it for real this time?
Last edited by Dee74; 05-01-2017 at 03:23 PM.
Hears The Voice
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Unshackled
Posts: 7,901
Member
Join Date: Apr 2017
Location: Melbourne, Australia
Posts: 9
Hi Dubstar,
There are a lot of people who feel exactly like you on here, including me. My life had gotten so small that it was just me in my bedroom surrounded by empty bottles, riddled with shame and remorse and not wanting to talk to anyone. I felt terrible, and I really wanted to stop, but had no idea how. For me I got so sick that I had to do something as I felt like I was dying.
This drinking thing is a hellish merry-go-round; “a few beers” keeps you stuck in the cycle, and the impacts just keep getting worse (even the ones you’re not aware of until you pop out the other side).
For me the only way to break that cycle was to put myself in to rehab. That’s not everyone’s solution and it’s not a recommendation, but I needed to be cared for and experience some sobriety to be able to stand on my own feet. I was utterly terrified and it took me three years to press the button…once I did my friends and family (who had no idea) were amazingly supportive. Best thing I ever did in retrospect, but it really took something to admit i couldn’t do it on my own.
However you choose to stop, just do it…there will be loads of support here and it's so worthwhile. Even in relatively early sobriety I'm loving being sober even though it's still bloody hard at times!
There are a lot of people who feel exactly like you on here, including me. My life had gotten so small that it was just me in my bedroom surrounded by empty bottles, riddled with shame and remorse and not wanting to talk to anyone. I felt terrible, and I really wanted to stop, but had no idea how. For me I got so sick that I had to do something as I felt like I was dying.
This drinking thing is a hellish merry-go-round; “a few beers” keeps you stuck in the cycle, and the impacts just keep getting worse (even the ones you’re not aware of until you pop out the other side).
For me the only way to break that cycle was to put myself in to rehab. That’s not everyone’s solution and it’s not a recommendation, but I needed to be cared for and experience some sobriety to be able to stand on my own feet. I was utterly terrified and it took me three years to press the button…once I did my friends and family (who had no idea) were amazingly supportive. Best thing I ever did in retrospect, but it really took something to admit i couldn’t do it on my own.
However you choose to stop, just do it…there will be loads of support here and it's so worthwhile. Even in relatively early sobriety I'm loving being sober even though it's still bloody hard at times!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2017
Location: Denmark
Posts: 257
I am on my 4th day sober after having drinking habits similar to yours... i have been reading and posting here all the time through the withdraval days to keep my mind busy and get support and advice. Just start to think of all the things in life that will improve when sober. Take one moment and one day at a time. Small steps. Enjoy when you get the energy for a walk outside.. or to enjoy a good meal... whatever small positive steps you can take every day
quat
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: terra (mostly)firma
Posts: 4,823
welcome to SR dubstar
When I came to SR I saw mention of AVRT/RR ( there are great threads on these ideas here on SR in the Secular Connections forum) those ideas really resonated with me and I recommend checking them out.
Like others I spent at least another decade of doing that 'dance' : wanting to quit/stop/ stopping/just one more time/cut back/f* it/ stoping ect ect. all that does is get you ten years older and still doing the 'dance', assuming no tragedies.
If you want to quit, you have to hear that little voice in your head say to not take yourself seriously and then stop listening to IT.
And hear IT say , just a six pack for tonight .. and then stop listening to IT , decide that You are Done , seriously. Any doubt in your ability to make that decision , that you don't have 'what it takes' or 'that things aren't so bad' ect is IT( the desire for intoxication , speaking through that voice of doubt ,the never say never again to drinking and drugs ) , hearing and feeling IT aren't what is keeping you stuck, it's the listening to IT . IT lies, you can 'take yourself seriously', if you want, the only thing that says you can't is IT and IT lies, It has to , that is the only way for IT to get ITs precious supply, IT has to convince You to keep the supply coming.
Decide to stop ITs supply forever, you Can,seriously
wish you well and hope to see you around
When I came to SR I saw mention of AVRT/RR ( there are great threads on these ideas here on SR in the Secular Connections forum) those ideas really resonated with me and I recommend checking them out.
Like others I spent at least another decade of doing that 'dance' : wanting to quit/stop/ stopping/just one more time/cut back/f* it/ stoping ect ect. all that does is get you ten years older and still doing the 'dance', assuming no tragedies.
If you want to quit, you have to hear that little voice in your head say to not take yourself seriously and then stop listening to IT.
And hear IT say , just a six pack for tonight .. and then stop listening to IT , decide that You are Done , seriously. Any doubt in your ability to make that decision , that you don't have 'what it takes' or 'that things aren't so bad' ect is IT( the desire for intoxication , speaking through that voice of doubt ,the never say never again to drinking and drugs ) , hearing and feeling IT aren't what is keeping you stuck, it's the listening to IT . IT lies, you can 'take yourself seriously', if you want, the only thing that says you can't is IT and IT lies, It has to , that is the only way for IT to get ITs precious supply, IT has to convince You to keep the supply coming.
Decide to stop ITs supply forever, you Can,seriously
wish you well and hope to see you around
Member
Join Date: Apr 2017
Posts: 14
I really want to follow this thread as I think there is some really good advice. If you can get brave, consider going to see an (understanding) Doctor. If you get the right Dr, it can be a huge help. Just a suggestion that worked for me (so far).
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2017
Posts: 19
Thanks all so far. I went to a doctor before. You always read this stuff about seeing your doctor if you think you have a drink problem. He wasn't interested and gave me some slip to go get liver tests, which I never did. This was years ago when I lived in London, I'm back home now.
Anyway. So far so good today. It's a beautiful day. I did some chores I've been putting off for ages, like cutting the grass, cleaning the house etc. There were bottles and empty coke bags all over the tables etc from having strangers here the other night. Ugh, it's a shameful sight.
Anyway, I'm going to go into the city now and have something to eat and maybe try some kind of workout in the gym. I feel a bit more positive than I did when I posted first.
The dance you have spoken of above, yeah I've been doing that for years and years. I guess I can't deal with the fallout any more. The mental health issues that derive from booze, the physical issues, the fact I'm broke all the time even though I've a good salary.
Part of me is still a bit scared to change completely because I don't know anything else. If I don't drink how will I ever socialise? How would I meet women?
I have to put all that on hold for now I think and just try to improve myself, but there's a self loathing part of me telling me I'm not worthy of anything better, or capable of it.
Well, one day at a time, I'm not going to buy any booze later. I probably wont sleep a wink though and I'll be a zombie at work tomorrow.
Do you guys have trouble sleeping when you give up the booze?
Anyway. So far so good today. It's a beautiful day. I did some chores I've been putting off for ages, like cutting the grass, cleaning the house etc. There were bottles and empty coke bags all over the tables etc from having strangers here the other night. Ugh, it's a shameful sight.
Anyway, I'm going to go into the city now and have something to eat and maybe try some kind of workout in the gym. I feel a bit more positive than I did when I posted first.
The dance you have spoken of above, yeah I've been doing that for years and years. I guess I can't deal with the fallout any more. The mental health issues that derive from booze, the physical issues, the fact I'm broke all the time even though I've a good salary.
Part of me is still a bit scared to change completely because I don't know anything else. If I don't drink how will I ever socialise? How would I meet women?
I have to put all that on hold for now I think and just try to improve myself, but there's a self loathing part of me telling me I'm not worthy of anything better, or capable of it.
Well, one day at a time, I'm not going to buy any booze later. I probably wont sleep a wink though and I'll be a zombie at work tomorrow.
Do you guys have trouble sleeping when you give up the booze?
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: PA
Posts: 88
Hi Dubstar! I'm new here "again".... took me couple years to come back. You are going to find this place an amazing source of support and information. I find myself reading and reading and it only makes things BETTER in my mind.
The one thing I've read that really made an impact on me, was about the AV (addicts voice?) that speaks to you. It's not YOU. "It's" the problem. Being able to identify that "thing" that's trying to lure you back is the problem. This way of thinking is a habit.
I'm trying to teach myself to think LOGICALLY about drinking. Not so emotional. The AV is not on my side. It's a demon trying to destroy me. When I can put those ideas it presents in proper context, not BELIEVE them, I feel so much stronger.
Another neat thing I've read from someone here "Don't believe everything you think".
You can do this. Mental toughness. Get some workouts in. Hydrate yourself with water. Get out of your house. Start getting rest and every day will get better. Post often and welcome again!
The one thing I've read that really made an impact on me, was about the AV (addicts voice?) that speaks to you. It's not YOU. "It's" the problem. Being able to identify that "thing" that's trying to lure you back is the problem. This way of thinking is a habit.
I'm trying to teach myself to think LOGICALLY about drinking. Not so emotional. The AV is not on my side. It's a demon trying to destroy me. When I can put those ideas it presents in proper context, not BELIEVE them, I feel so much stronger.
Another neat thing I've read from someone here "Don't believe everything you think".
You can do this. Mental toughness. Get some workouts in. Hydrate yourself with water. Get out of your house. Start getting rest and every day will get better. Post often and welcome again!
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
Welcome dubstar 
Joining this community helped me get past the 3 day cycle - it was much harder for me to rationalise my problem wasn't that bad when I could see here in black and white that it was.
I too had no idea what a non drinking life might look like. I defined myself by my drinking...
but I trusted the folks here who assured me it all works out - and it does.
The initial period is a little tough but it will get easier
Noone would stay sober if they thought they lost out on the deal
D
Joining this community helped me get past the 3 day cycle - it was much harder for me to rationalise my problem wasn't that bad when I could see here in black and white that it was.
I too had no idea what a non drinking life might look like. I defined myself by my drinking...
but I trusted the folks here who assured me it all works out - and it does.
The initial period is a little tough but it will get easier
Noone would stay sober if they thought they lost out on the deal
D
Member
Join Date: Nov 2011
Posts: 2,258
welcome. I had to go to meetings and put myself in the recovery group for a while to be able to stay clean and sober. what you are doing is great. And those little things you are doing like cleaning and such is great. You will lay down tonight and feel proud.
The sleep is royal b. My sponsor would tell me, 'your body will soon tire out' and I would flip the f out. up all night having to work the next day, tossing and turning.
Sleepy time tea works wonders, hot bath, work out, if you can do that.
keep posting.
The sleep is royal b. My sponsor would tell me, 'your body will soon tire out' and I would flip the f out. up all night having to work the next day, tossing and turning.
Sleepy time tea works wonders, hot bath, work out, if you can do that.
keep posting.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2017
Posts: 19
Thanks all, I'm flattered you all took the time to respond. Anyway had no booze last night first night in a couple of months. Absolutely wrecked today at work. I didn't sleep a wink just lay there extremely hot and sweating profusely. I think I've a few more nights of the same until I get a nights sleep. First night is usually the hardest so I shall soldier onwards!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2017
Location: Melbourne, Australia
Posts: 9
Nice work Dubstar, you sound good. Sleep was a pig for me in the first few days until I discovered reading. I hadn't read for leisure in years because I was always too pissed to focus or remember anything, but I discovered thatI enjoy a few chapters and it got me really sleepy. Worth a shot!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2016
Location: Leitrim
Posts: 17
Hi Dubstar.
Fair play for taking the first step on posting for another view on it all.
I had 25 months sober and then went back to the cycle of a few beers here and there , then a few blackouts here and there. I am now back to making a daily plan to stay sober and trying to stick with it.
What worked for me in the beginning was recognising first that the drinking wasn't working anymore. this lead me to trying some aa meetings. I didn't stay with aa for my own personal reasons but found support through Lifering chat.
i used this a lot in the first couple of months to try and reach out to other people in the same boat. It definitely got easier with more time sober, and things like sleep and food started to stabilise.
I think i reached a point of wanting a sober life more than the constant confusion of will i won't i drink today. It's not an easy path but staying stuck in the viscous cycle is just a living nightmare.
Ultimately it's where you have to make the choice. some people say we have no choice when it comes to drinking but i don't believe that to be true.
One thing that really helped me to stop was to buy a notebook / journal and start to honestly look at why i was drinking. Making a list of the positives and negatives that come from drinking when i felt like buying a few beers. With a little bit of time and effort invested in yourself you might begin to see that the positives of drinking are really negatives in disguise.
I am back on day 3 working a daily plan to stay alcohol free. Remembering that it is only 24 hours i have to work with.
From my own experience, when i have no plan for the day, that's when the addiction starts to gain ground, the voice that starts looking at drinking being a good option. hence if i give in, the cycle starts all over again...... writing things down, talking to other people in the same boat can help to break this dead end cycle.
I wish you well with your choices. and remember it might take a lot of attempts before it starts to work. i have been at this for 7 years, and still making adjustments to live a better life that works. if you fall back or slip, don't waste time beating yourself up about it, try and learn something from the experience and move on.
One thing i've learned is that life is a little easier when there is no alcohol or chemicals in my blood.
hope this helps in some way.
Good Luck!
Fair play for taking the first step on posting for another view on it all.
I had 25 months sober and then went back to the cycle of a few beers here and there , then a few blackouts here and there. I am now back to making a daily plan to stay sober and trying to stick with it.
What worked for me in the beginning was recognising first that the drinking wasn't working anymore. this lead me to trying some aa meetings. I didn't stay with aa for my own personal reasons but found support through Lifering chat.
i used this a lot in the first couple of months to try and reach out to other people in the same boat. It definitely got easier with more time sober, and things like sleep and food started to stabilise.
I think i reached a point of wanting a sober life more than the constant confusion of will i won't i drink today. It's not an easy path but staying stuck in the viscous cycle is just a living nightmare.
Ultimately it's where you have to make the choice. some people say we have no choice when it comes to drinking but i don't believe that to be true.
One thing that really helped me to stop was to buy a notebook / journal and start to honestly look at why i was drinking. Making a list of the positives and negatives that come from drinking when i felt like buying a few beers. With a little bit of time and effort invested in yourself you might begin to see that the positives of drinking are really negatives in disguise.
I am back on day 3 working a daily plan to stay alcohol free. Remembering that it is only 24 hours i have to work with.
From my own experience, when i have no plan for the day, that's when the addiction starts to gain ground, the voice that starts looking at drinking being a good option. hence if i give in, the cycle starts all over again...... writing things down, talking to other people in the same boat can help to break this dead end cycle.
I wish you well with your choices. and remember it might take a lot of attempts before it starts to work. i have been at this for 7 years, and still making adjustments to live a better life that works. if you fall back or slip, don't waste time beating yourself up about it, try and learn something from the experience and move on.
One thing i've learned is that life is a little easier when there is no alcohol or chemicals in my blood.
hope this helps in some way.
Good Luck!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2017
Posts: 19
Well work was hard, absolutely exhausted, but I'm home now and hopefully I get at least a couple hours sleep tonight. All I can think about is how amazing beer would taste now, but I'm going to resist it once again. I wish beer didn't have to taste so bloody good, I don't like spirits or wine really, just beer, but instead of one I'll have 15!
I've been thinking about it and I've known no other life since I was 15. I can't remember what my teenage life was like before that. I get no pleasure from anything really, boozing is the only fun I have in life.
What did you guys do to find a new way of living? What the hell am I supposed to do at weekends apart from party?
I'm sick of being told to go bloody hiking by the internet! Hiking and meet up groups seem to be the answer to everything.
How do people socialise when not drinking? How do you meet women/men?
I've been thinking about it and I've known no other life since I was 15. I can't remember what my teenage life was like before that. I get no pleasure from anything really, boozing is the only fun I have in life.
What did you guys do to find a new way of living? What the hell am I supposed to do at weekends apart from party?
I'm sick of being told to go bloody hiking by the internet! Hiking and meet up groups seem to be the answer to everything.
How do people socialise when not drinking? How do you meet women/men?
Member
Join Date: Apr 2017
Location: Nekrit Expanse
Posts: 16
As one who broke a daily drinking habit of about 10 years I have one little tidbit to share. By no means do I have the answers but this one thing did help me.
Don't start your day with rewards. Sex/orgasm and high calorie food for example are the worst thing an addict can have in the morning. Gym jog walk something for 20 mins at least to set precedent.
Our naughty little brains are always seeking out rewards. Need to work on controlling that part of the brain a little more each day.
Good luck.
Don't start your day with rewards. Sex/orgasm and high calorie food for example are the worst thing an addict can have in the morning. Gym jog walk something for 20 mins at least to set precedent.
Our naughty little brains are always seeking out rewards. Need to work on controlling that part of the brain a little more each day.
Good luck.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2017
Location: VA
Posts: 4
Hi Dubstar,
I'm on day 6 and new to the site. Withdrawal can be really bad. I'm finally feeling a lot better today. You might want to get a medication from your doctor or a 20mg edible cannabis product that will help with the nausea.
Keep posting and sharing. Good luck!
Mrs W
I'm on day 6 and new to the site. Withdrawal can be really bad. I'm finally feeling a lot better today. You might want to get a medication from your doctor or a 20mg edible cannabis product that will help with the nausea.
Keep posting and sharing. Good luck!
Mrs W
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