spookyboo22

I saw my xabf today for the first time in only a couple of weeks. I was shocked to see how much weight he had piled on in a short space of time. People had said how big he was but i hide his posts on my the feed because it upsets me.
He said he had no appetite which i thought was strange.
He has hardly slept over the last couple of nights and he looked terrible. He keeps complaining he's bored.
He's wealthy and doesn't have to work.
He also mentioned about dropping dead soon.
He asked me to go for a drink with him which i declined.
It's so upsetting to see him like this because he's a good man really.
I want to cuddle him and take care of him but i know i have to stay away.
I wonder how long he can go on?
I just wanted to share x

LexieCat

The "weight gain" could be ascites--especially if it's in his belly. That's fluid that collects there due to liver disease.

You'd be surprised how long some people go on--my second husband I thought wouldn't last a year after I left him (previously almost died of drinking-related causes), and 20 years later, he's still alive.

spookyboo22

Thanks Lexiecat

I've just googled it. I've never heard of it before. I have a feeling you are right.
Looking at pictures this seems to fit.
I would phone him but it's midnight here so he'll be drunk i would imagine.
He must feel awful x

Ariesagain

Careful, sweetie. That giant sucking sound you're hearing is you getting involved.

You don't know that he feels awful. You're assuming he feels awful because you would.

He's not dumb, not poor, and has all the resources in the world available should he choose another way.

Be careful, yes?

spookyboo22

I hear that!
I know he feels awful because he said as much today, but he laughs it off.
What you're saying is true this is the sound of me getting involved.
If i asked him to see a doctor he would probably be too scared to go.
I'm just caring about him , not going back with him.
You are right and I'm telling myself off and going to al anon tomorrow x

maia1234

No contact protects the heart my friend.

Step away and let him solve this on his own. hugs!!

Forward12

I completely agree with above. Going no contact and working on your own recovery is the best thing to do. Staying in contact will do nothing but make matters worse.

spookyboo22

Thanks everyone!

I would go no contact i really would but that is not possible because i see him alot as he is one of my bosses best mates and I've been at my job for over twenty years so i cant leave for another three years then it's retirement.
I don't want to get back with him there's no point x

Maudcat

Hey, spookyboo.
About nine years ago my alcohol dependent sib had a withdrawal related seizure that just about did him in.
He was told to stop drinking or he ran the risk of another seizure.
Well, he didn't. He was sober for a couple of years then picked up.
He drinks now as much as he ever did.
He looks awful. He is bloated and bruised. He looks years older than he is.
Yet, amazingly, he is still upright.
I would have bet money that he wouldn't last two years when he picked up again.
Baffles me.

spookyboo22

Thanks maudcat!

It baffles me too.
If i don't swim almost daily and eat healthy i feel awful really quick.
I think these A's are built of different stuff , seriously! x

Bekindalways

Good on ya Spooky for coming here to post.

Sounds like you are a bit stuck with a bit of contact with your AXBF. That's tough. Keep posting and detaching.

spookyboo22

Thanks!

I knew no contact wouldn't be possible when i first started seeing him so I've only myself to blame.
I don't feel attached to the outcome but I have to try x

Bekindalways

Let us know oh it goes? And keep posting.

atalose

Then get rid of him all together on Facebook and social media not just hiding him from your news feed.

Don’t call him, don’t ask him person questions………….keep him and his issue at a distance and if you have to see him at work, keep it very professional, period.

We tend to get ourselves into emotional trouble when we feel like we don’t have choices when in fact we do, we just don’t like those choices.

spookyboo22

Hi
Thanks for your concern it's appreciated!

If i don't speak my mind i feel it's a possibility he may die

I want to discharge my duty as a compassionate human being. What he does with my thoughts is entirely his affair x

Ladybird579

I would go no contact i really would but that is not possible because i see him alot as he is one of my bosses best mates

I have never had a job ever I have had to socialise with or have any contact with my bosses best mate. Am not getting why you do.

spookyboo22

Hi Ladybird!
Thanks for replying!

You may not ever had a job like mine and that's the truth.

I do try to avoid him but sometimes it just ends up me and him. Aside from running away screaming there's not much else i can do. I accepted this long ago. I have to be a big girl and not give him any of my power. It's tough on me because I'm only human.
Al anon helped today.
My issues are not his fault x

spookyboo22

By the way Ladybird i work in the entertainment industry and my ex does as well . It doesn't operate like a normal for lack of a better phrase , job does. We have all known each other for 25 years or so . These people are built into the fabric of my life and we have very many mutual friends and colleagues x

dandylion

spookyboo....to say that the entertainment industry doesn't operate like a "normal" job, is like the understatement of the year...LOL.....

spookyboo22

Amen to that!
Thank you Dandylion x