HeartbrokenGuy

Today I stopped into 7-11 to get a coffee on my way to work.

The guy in front of me who appeared to also be dressed for work was buying Mike's Hard Ales.

I was doing pretty good today. For some reason seeing him buy this on his way to work triggered a number of emotions for me.

On the days that my fiancé drank she would start as soon as I would leave for work. Seeing him made me feel sad for him and for his family (he was wearing a wedding ring), but mostly it made me feel sad for my fiancé that her life had become completely consumed with the persuit and hiding of her next drunk.

So weird to see that today. Never come to this 7-11 but I had to get cash back for something at work today.

I'm not sure that I've identified what the lesson is to be learned from this yet.

loveandmagic

I get some satisfaction in my heart knowing that I do my best to give healthy, uplifting love to those I care for, and I'm thankful to not be in a delusional state of mind that causes me to hurt the people who I matter to. Maybe just be thankful that you're not a life sabatoging addict? And that your girls have the best daddy who gives them all the love they could ever ask for?

SparkleKitty

Not everything is a lesson. Sometimes grief is just grief. You're going to be okay. Sending you strength and patience with this process.

HeartbrokenGuy

Thank you.

I always try to see a lesson. I'm trying to learn as much as I can. I never want to go through this again.

SparkleKitty

Then, as Anvilhead said in another post recently, "Sometimes the lesson is there is no lesson."

Sometimes what is, just is.

SmallButMighty

I think maybe it isn't so much a lesson as it is a sign. A sign you recognize behaviors you never used to. It's good to be tuned into your surroundings and listening to your instincts.

I can recognize an active alcoholic now the minute I lay eyes on them. It makes me very uncomfortable, anxiety symptoms set in immediately ( racing pulse, shortened breath, irritation, desire to flee, urge to cry, what feels like gravel in my stomach) I hate to liken it to PTSD because I have not suffered combat or physical trauma.. but it definitely akin to it in some way.

I can see people buying alcohol and have no reaction... but I can also stand next to someone buying cucumbers and milk and feel panicky.... usually because I got a whiff of "that smell" (and I don't mean alcohol)

I have friends and family now that I no longer care to be around because I feel these anxious feeling around them and their behaviors. So for peace of mind, I avoid. This may seem extreme, but for me, I feel like I spent enough time around alcoholics. Not only did my marriage die a tragic death due to alcohol, so did my dad, my grandma, several other family members and a couple of friends. I don't have patience for addictions or people engaged in them any more.

I would say you have gotten wiser and more observant. It's a good thing.