skybert

Hi!
I am not new here- been lurking for years under different aliases, but never posted- I think. To be honest: I can't remember. Sounds familiar?

This time, it all feels different.

I am a 50 years old norwegian, living in Norway. Loving family with wife, twins (15) and a Terrier. I am educated therapist, with behavioural change as a speciality (ohhh the irony...), and worked mainly with young adults with addictions and behavioural challenges. Not anymore....
I was good at it! My drinking pattern was never in direct conflict with work, but my averall health suffered big time. After years of long hours solving every one else's issues, I simply had to give in.

I haven't been working for 5 years now, and everyone knows that an addiction becomes an even bigger challenge when we have more time to drink, less situations that demands sobriety and even lower self esteem. It has been an roller coaster these years. On and off drinking. Had 20 sober months, and started again.

I haven't been really drunk since I was 23, but have more or less been on the buzz half the day since. Three large glasses of wine, and a couple of pints. Every f****** day! Never blackouts, but slowly degraded short time memory, emotional unstability, shiwers, headaches, dizziness....

I have now been sober 81 days and 9 hours (an app keeps track on every aspect of my sobriety), and allmost everything feels different from last time I stopped drinking. This time I am not turning into a non-drinking nazi- I actually have integrated the fact that my sobriety is MY choice, and shouldn't affect every one else. I have stopped drinking, but I haven't stopped being me. I am more than my addiction- I am averything else in fact!
I have downloaded an app, as mentioned, that tells me that I am on my way towards my rewards: Mentally, emotionally, financially and physically. It keeps track, and every time i feel the urge for a glass of wine, I open it. It works for me
I have an account in my bank named 114060- a code every watch lover would know the meaning of. About this time next year, I have saved money for the watch of my dreams- only by NOT drinking! Alcohol is very expensive here in Norway!

In other words- I have filled my sobriety project wit allot more meaning this time. It has become a Helios type of project. And I LOVE it!

We are all different, and my experience and knowledge tells me that we have to find our own way. A way that works for me, might not work for you. I only need to tell you what works for me.
I do think we can agree on one simple fact: A relapse is NOT the end of the sobriety project. It is only a bump. The clue should be to keep them shorter and shorter, and eventually not there at all. My last one lasted 13 months.... But now I love the sober me more than I miss my wine- a new sensation for me....

I love to be amongst you fellow fighters!!! My time of lurking is hereby declared over, and I am ready to contribute. Not as therapist, but as an addict.

Thank you for your attention.
Make this day a good one, for your self and the world meeting you!

-skybert

kenton

Hey Skybert, so much I love in your post but the line that really stands out for me is 'now I love the sober me more than I miss my wine'. I love that. If I was braver I'd get it tattooed across my arm. Instead, I'll write it in my gratitude journal. Thank you and good to meet you

tufty13

Welcome to SR Skybert,

Congratulations on your sober time and for finding your way.

I'll look forward to a photo of your Rolex when the time comes :-)

Silver11

Thanks Skybert for your post. It helped me. I live in Singapore and beer is super expensive here too!

Like you I love watches and incidentally have the SUBC No Date. I adore it. You will wear it with a special sense of pride when you reach your goal.

I admire your courage. You have had some serious sober time on and off. I have only ever had 7-8 days. Recently I had 40 and messed it up.

I'm in this struggle with you!

Take care of yourself

D122y

I don't fight my addiction as much anymore.

I embrace my sobriety.

Booze is poison. I don't believe the hype.

Thanks.

Done4today

Welcome to SR skybert. I too want hope to see the picture of your watch this time next year.

PhoenixJ

Hello Sky, welcome. From my of history- yep those involved with any human service stuff are often crap at looking after themselves- I was. Keep posting.

skybert

It seems there are a few of us watch-nerds here- and that in mind: Being a nerd for expensive stuff and addictions is a very bad mix in my experience! I have bought Rolexes, AP's, CFB's, Omegas high on wine several times. Impulsive actions I have regreted a few days later, and sold out with losses.... I have owned no less than 3 watches of the model I am now saving for, but the huge and important difference, is that this time I will spend the money I would have used on Wine. I want to look at it in pride, rather than in embarrasment. A token for the accomplishment, and an reminder of what I really am and will be in the future: A recovered alcoholic.
Some gets a tattoo, but as affraid of needles as I am, it has to be a watch

-skybert

skybert

Keep in mind that ALL sober time counts Drash. Remember to look at yourself in the mirror and be proud of every single accomplishment you do! One thing we all addicts are champions in, is to knock ourselves in the face every time we stumble. A stumble is a lesson learned- no more, no less. One day sober is exactly what it is. Give your self credit for it! By never forgetting your project, the stumbles will be fewer and fewer
Keep focus and tap your NoDate from me

skybert

Thank you Tufty! I will PM you with a picture when the time comes

Dee74

Welcome to SR

you'll always find someone on an internet forum who disagrees with a definitive statement

I understand your point - and I agree a relapse is not the end.... I also agree we should not 'shoot our wounded'....

but I can't get on board with any implicit supposition that relapse is somehow a part of the recovery process.

IMO, relapses are a part of my addiction - not my recovery.

I think the aim really should be no relapses at all.

D

skybert

It is a huge problem you are pointing out PhoenixJ. Health care is in many ways one of the most recruiting occupations to addictions there is. I think it is the same worldwide.
When I was studying to be a therapist, on mantra was that we can't help others before we have helped ourselves. The comparison to the emergency routine with the oxygene masks on airplanes, are striking!

skybert

Thank you Kenton for warm words. Good to meet you too

CreativeThinker

Congratulations on your 81 days of sobriety Skybert!

I can relate to what you mentioned regarding it feeling different this time. So many times over the years I've tried to find recovery and failed miserably. This time definitely feels like a switch has been flipped and I have hope again.

Welcome to SR! I look forward to reading more of your posts.

SnazzyDresser

Awesome post, skybert! You're killing it, way to go.

skybert

Thank you ChreativeThinker! I know that the feeling of it all beeing different this time can be an illusion- I might have said that on previous sobering attempts too, but in my humble opinion there are loads of other illusions that I think would be worse

skybert

Thank you SnazzyDresser! Those words I take with me and credit my account for self respect