HunterXJ8

Was doing pretty good and thought to myself I'd be able to limit myself. The empty bottle of vodka from yesterday would suggest otherwise. I'd been doing so well, my wife even told me how proud she was that I'd been not drinking. That makes it worse. I have this amazing life and if I keep doing crap like this I'll mess it up. My family deserves better and I need to be better for them/myself.

SteveAlex

Welcome back. Sad but true that many never make it back. You can do this if you put your sobriety before everything else! Sending you good vibes.

HunterXJ8

Thanks Steve I appreciate it. I just don't understand why I would do this and why I thought after 90 days that I could handle drinking like a regular person. I feel awful and what did I gain from this? Lying to my wife, a hangover, regret, and shame. This has to stop. I can't keep doing this.

doggonecarl

If we go from quitting to thinking we can control our drinking, it usually means we never really committed to quitting. Maybe you felt you needed to prove that you weren't bad enough of an alcoholic to have to totally quit. But now that you've seen where drinking leads you, are you truly ready for sobriety? Forever?

saoutchik

Hi HunterXJ8, at least you know now for sure that moderation is not an option.

Congratulations on 90 days, at least you know you can do it so that when you reach 90 days the next time you will break on through.

makeover

Unfortunately such a common hiccup we make, but don't beat yourself up - look at it as a reminder why you are going on this journey. I wish you the best

Done4today

Welcome back Hunter,

I had many attempts at controlled drinking. After failing for 20 years, I was given the idea to read the book, "Alcoholics Anonymous". It explained to me my story and battle with moderation. Now with 15 months sober, I can look back and clearly see my struggle. I remember that I don't have to drink just for today. Every day when I wake up, I feel grateful for my sobriety. I pray and give my will up, then I check the calendar. If it's today, then I don't drink and plan to drink tomorrow if it's not today when I get there.

thomas11

Its fairly common from what I read on this forum that after a period of time people think they got it figured out. Rarely is that the case. You'll find over time its much easier and more rewarding to simply quit completely.

Soberwolf

Have you got a recovery plan friend ?

tomls

Welcome back!

HunterXJ8

I had 90 days and my plan then was to simply not drink. And I was doing just that. My plan now is to continue to NOT drink. If I feel an urge to drink I need to remind myself about this feeling right now. Look at my daughter and think of everything I stand to lose and miss if I continue doing this.

SteveAlex

Dont beat yourself up. Just get back on the wagon. It takes what it takes. I had 8 months. Got complacent and was "out there" for 4 1/2 years. Finally got back here 26 days ago and never want to drink again.

Soberwolf

With all respect my friend that's not a plan

Read this and bookmark it it has so much useful information that will really help

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...at-we-did.html

HunterXJ8

Thank you for the link! Reading through that I guess the plan is to take this one day at a time. My main triggers I suppose are stress and boredom. I realized this weekend that aside from tv and video games I don't really have any hobbies anymore. I think part of my recovery will be finding something that keeps me from being bored and having an interest in. I used to be pretty active hiking and that could be something I take up again.

I think my daily routine should probably be:
-Shower/change for work
-Healthy breakfast
-Get my daughter/pets ready for their day
-Work
-Healthy Lunch
-Home/change
-walk with my wife/daughter or use my elyptical
-Dinner
-Watch tv, read, or play a game for a bit
-Bed by 11 at the latest, repeat.

Don't kid myself in to thinking I can have drink, stay out of the liquor aisle at the store, if I start to even think about a drink I need to forget it and talk to my wife about what's stressing me out.

Hevyn

Hunter, you sound more determined. Sometimes we need further proof that we can't control the amounts. I had to learn that lesson a few times. Glad you're on Day 1 again with new resolve.

ScottFromWI

Sounds like a lot of good stuff on that list Hunter. One thing I don't see however is anything that specifically addresses your addiction. Some examples:
* recovery meetings
* counseling/rehab
* recovery related reading (books, articles etc )
* joining a monthly thread or setting aside specific time to spend online with SR or other online recovery communities.

I'm not suggesting that any of those things you listed are bad, and they can certainly be part of a recovery plan...but none of them are recovery specific. You said you don't understand how this happened after 90 days - spending time learning about your addiction from others who are in the same situation can really help in the long run. We need constant reminders of why we don't drink.

HunterXJ8

Reading and posting on here will be a big part of this. I see there's a list of reading material that I'll look over and see if there is anything there that I could benefit from. I'm not particularly religious (Religion/a higher power is a big part of AA correct?) and with work/my family I don't know if I can really commit the time to go to an actual meeting.

Soberwolf

There are secular meetings like smart recovery & Avrt

We have sections dedicated to that here at SR