badger257

Well... had the final court hearing today regarding the custody/placement of my two daughters. Needless to say, my past is insurmountable, and my kids don't want contact with me, and the court feels the same way. They are 14 and 12. So, now wtf do I do? My first thought is to drink myself into oblivion Leaving Las Vegas style. I haven't purchased anything or planning on it, but it seems like a great idea b/c what is the point now to be sober? Probably going to lose my job soon... (in sales, and anyone in sales knows you are always 2 bad months away from a pink slip.... Due to the stress of the last two months leading up to this court date has made me unable to really do my job properly).

This is kind of a random rant, but my plan includes me posting here before I decide to go off the rails, so I am hoping that it will work. :/

Just don't see the point of it all anymore, and honestly don't see it changing. For anyone out there thinking about having an inkling of removing their alcoholic father from their childrens' lives, please take my story into consideration. I agree I did this to myself, but I am also not a bad person, just someone with a sh*tty illness. The legal system sees it as a choice that abstinence is as easy as not getting extra fries with your burger. F THEM! (sorry, a bit angry)

Anyway....Guess I can only hope that at some point they will see me for who I really am, and not the person I was while actively drinking myself into oblivion. Even though that's what I wan't to do for the foreseeable future.

SoberLeigh

(((((badger))))).

I am so very sorry that court proceedings turned out as they did.

Were any visitation rights at all granted?

I pray that today's ruling can be modified in the future when you can show longer term sobriety and recovery.

soberandhonest

As the father of 3 young kids, I can only offer my deepest empathy to you Badger.

But ... if you're gonna say F THEM, then say F THEM by not giving in to what they all expect you to do. Don't let THEM cause you to give up your sobriety. They don't have that control over you. Only you have that control. If you drink, it means they are right. And they aren't. You are stronger than that.

You have time to improve the relationships you have with your daughters. Your past might be insurmountable at this moment but it won't be forever - so long as you demonstrate continued sobriety.

Nobody is ever going to take my sobriety away from me. Never. Don't let them take it from you.

Fight on, brother.

PippoRossi

Nahhh. I know you're not going to drink, Badger. You're stronger than that. I don't have any advice to give you about your kids (I don't have kids myself), I'm just real sorry for the situation. Given their age (teenagers) I can see why they might not want to see their dad (regardless of your drinking). It's a defiant age - kids are always p!ssed at their parents over something. Hugs to you. Please keep posting.

canguy

G'day Badger

Oh man....none of it sounds good. And no quick fixes other than the temporary ones that just fuel the fires and fix nothing.

Posting a good start.....can only be up from here. Feb class still going....always some support there.

All the best...

ljc267

Generally, kids come around. They probably, no offense intended, have a reason to not believe you at this point. If you give up then you will make all of their presumptions on your future true.

Prove them wrong not right.

badger257

No visitation...no contact. I actually haven't seen or spoken to them in 14 months. Breaks my heart every day. I have an opportunity to file again in 18 months and prove the changes I have made. That makes my oldest 16ish. Case study a year....trial another 6 months. She will be 18 before it would even get back to court. Ex wife also filed a motion of adoption by her now husband. "thats another story all together". Just no matter what I do, have done to make my life better, It does not matter, and now I have now way for my daughters to even see the changes I have made to make a difference......just will always be a drunk loser in their eyes....

badger257

Won't give up on our class... that is my next stop tonight.......

kevlarsjal

Think about the future rather than the past. Maybe it looks bad now but your kids are still young. If they see you relapsing and still drinking in the future chances they will want to have contact again will be small. If they see you living a sober life maybe one point in the future (maybe when they're adults) they'll be able to trust you again.

Sending you strength and positive thoughts!

Soberwolf

The point of it is if you mess up now they won't see the person your becoming & things will only get worse sorry today has been ******

Know we're right here with you

my advice is stay with us & no drinking

SoberLeigh

I could just cry for your situation, badger. It breaks my heart.

I truly believe, not always - badger. Not always.

Kids grow up; they acquire wisdom, new eyesight, new ways of thinking - of assessment. I truly believe that there is life and living for you beyond this time - a renewed relationship to be forged in the future.

Sobriety and recovery will be so important and so instrumental in that renewed relationship.

Stay with us, badge, please.

Eastcoaster20

Don't give up on yourself! Some of my best memories of my parents are from my adulthood. You may have some very special moments with your kids in the future. But you'll never know if you don't take care of yourself. Ultimately they will see the work and dedication you're putting into your health and wellbeing and respect you for that.

saoutchik

Sorry to read about the situation with your daughters but as others have said, they are still young and if you stay sober then they will surely hear about it from someone - in this day and age of social media people always hear the good and the bad.

You mentioned about your job, I know sales can be a really ruthless industry but if they knew about your situation then maybe you could get enough time to turn things around which would be good for your self respect as well as your finances.

I wish you all the best.

Midwest1981

Sending my support too. I hope you continue in your sobriety. Everyone deserves a 2nd chance. Prove them all wrong.

FreeOwl

You won't see the point of it right now, because right now you're in the thick of the awful consequences of your life......

Do you really want to make them MORE awful?

Listen; it sucks. Where you are, flat out SUCKS. The system, your kids, your job.... all of it. But the way to address it - ALL OF IT - is to stay sober and change it. ALL OF IT. FOR THE BETTER.

I have several friends who have done it. One step, one day, one letter to the kids, one apology, one demonstrated ability to be counted on, one reason to love, one trustworthy act, one smile, one hug at a time.

What's the point?

The point is that if you're any kind of father at all, you will show those kids what a father does when he's screwed up and lost it all and realizes it.

He sucks it up, gets well, comes back strong and devoted and does WHATEVER IT TAKES to get back in their lives and to make a man of himself they want to be with and love.

Outonthetiles

I don't see how there can be no visitation at all, at least supervised visits. Cutting off all visitation is de facto termination of parental rights. Minors don't have the legal authority to decide they don't want contact. There should be a guardian ad litem to speak for the children. Even in cases of physical abuse, there is almost always at least supervised visitation. You have the ability to appeal to a higher court, and you should consider doing so.

FreeOwl

all great, valid points.

FreeOwl

just noticed your signature line......

thought it was worth highlighting this part;

"It's the courage to continue that counts."

Ricky112

Look familiar?

''"Success is not final, failure is not fatal. It's the courage to continue that counts." ~ Winston Churchill''

Hope you make it through.

SteveAlex

Thank you for sharing. I am in a custody battle myself. Did you have a lawyer Badger?