allno

Hello, and thank you for this forum. I'm 49 years old and a binge drinker. I've been drinking since I was around 15. I've gone through long periods of abstinence before and I drink far less now overall then I did when I was younger. I'm also married to an alcoholic.

I don't always binge drink when I drink; sometimes I have a couple or three like a good girl and then I'm done but most of the time, I have a hard time stopping. The only thing that I can actually binge drink is Corona lol! Weird! So beer is usually my first choice. Sometimes I crave white wine, and occasionally, like now, I'm craving a Long Island Tea.

One of the reasons I'm here is that I'm concerned about my and my husband's health. I don't have any problems that I'm aware of right now but binge drinking is not healthy. It has aged me. The other thing is that we spent about $12,000 last year on going out. We love to go out for dinner and cocktails which gets expensive. And we usually end up getting more on the way home and then feeling like crap the next day.

My husband and I have set so many non drinking goals and broke then within days afterwards that it is just pathetic. Part of me feels that I keep failing because I'm not at the point or mindset yet to stick to my guns. And obviously I still enjoy drinking so it's hard to imagine myself never drinking again. However I like to imagine that I can moderate. And that's the real hard part, stopping after two or three or even four.

Besides just thinking out loud, can anyone offer any advice to help me think about this the right way, because I'm missing something. How do see yourself not ever drinking again when you still enjoy it so much?

VigilanceNow

This is a really great point, thank you for bringing it up! I am also a binge drinker and basically am incapable of stopping before I almost black out or totally black out and forget the entire evening. I went to rehab after a particularly dangerous incident. I asked precisely this - drinking has been part of my culture since I was in high school; I can't fathom the idea of forever. Not even one?

They suggested the one day at a time concept. It sounds cliche, but it makes it so much more manageable. Focus on today: I will not drink today. I don't know what will.happen tomorrow or the next day, but today I am not going to pick up a drink.

You also often have to change your landscape, including people. Some friends will accuse you of being boring. Others may say you're making a big gdeal out of nothing; just moderate. Well I know all too well that moderation is impossible for a binge drinker like me. The health consequences can be devastating - you're right to worry! You'll feel so much better and can focus on healthier activities. When I was drinking heavily, it seemed like nothing was fun unless I was drunk. What messed up thinking!

doggonecarl

Welcome to SR.

When I drank, I thought I loved drinking. When I tried to quit I realized I needed it. Big difference.

If you wait until you hate drinking, it may be too late.

Nonsensical

I like to imagine I am Tom Brady.

It's fun to pretend, but I get a lot more done when I focus on being the real me.

PippoRossi

What helps me is taking it one day at a time. Sounds like a cliche', but it's true. If I think, "Oh, wow, I can/will never drink, again" it's too overwhelming. What works for me is to tell myself, "I will not drink today."

dwtbd

The number one rule for addiction, its operative logic is " never say never". To beat it adopting the opposite logic seems like a good plan, yeah?
Not being able to imagine never drinking again is a trick the addiction tries to use and it's a rigged trick. ' Never drinking again' isn't something that happens all at once, so pretty hard to imagine doing , yeah? I can't imagine it either , but I do say I will never drink again ( and I can feel my addiction , Beast in AVRT, cringe at the idea , too bad for IT) and in saying I will never drink again, I realize that I can only act in the present . Right now this second , I know I will not drink, and now in this second too
I can handle Now , and any other Now I am 'in', never drinking again really means never drinking in the Now . Any Now I'm 'in' will be/is entirely doable, so yeah not impossible to imagine, live through all the nows and they add up to forever or never lol.
The addiction ( the Beast speaking through the AV) is saying it's 'unimaginable ' so reallly, don't even bother trying yada yada.. there are great threads here on SR in the Secular Connections forum about AVRT/RR , those ideas really resonated with me and I recommend checking them out.
Wish you well and hope to see you around
Come back often , read , post, ask and come back often , welcome aboard

kevlarsjal

I can't commit to saying 'I will never drink again' either, at least not yet. So I go one day at a time. Whenever I worry about never drinking again I immediately obsess with drinking again. How and when I could relapse without people seeing it as that. How I could fake drinking in moderation and worrying about for how long I'd get away with it.

I get extremely stressed and find recovery and sobriety overwhelming. Until I remember that I just don't have to drink today.

It's much more manageable for me.

FreeOwl

The way to see yourself never drinking again, is to get up every day and not drink that day.

Then, you will see yourself. Never drinking again.

Dee74

Hi allno

I defined myself by my drinking, so I couldn't imagine a drink-less world either...but I knew it had to happen cops my drinking would kill me.

What I found was not the joyless, deprived life I expected by a life infinitely more richer and rewarding.

There will probably be changes...I can't lie

I don't hang out at the bar any more..or drink my weight in beer when I'm playing music...

but anything that is really vitally important to you I promise, after a little transition, you will still be able to do...and you'll enjoy it all the more for being present. sober and authentically fulfilled

D

kenton

Like you, I could never imagine never drinking again. But like Dee said, sobriety isn't the joyless, deprived wasteland I thought it would be. Quite the contrary actually. It's a really vibrant, happening place and when I compare the two, I got no intention of going back to drinking. Change takes time but just by choosing not to drink today, change starts to happen. Try to stop focusing on what you think you'll lose by quitting drink and start taking notice of all the things you gain

August252015

Yep, one day at a time- sometimes broken down into way smaller increments- is key, especially at the beginning. In time, I have found that everything is fun and better sober. Truly - everything. I do what I enjoy (some of those are different than what I thought I enjoyed while drinking) and there is a true freedom and peace (paraphrase BB) in my life, thoughts, and actions.

For me, I had to be DONE with drinking and it took a lot of pain, sickness, hurt, everything. I had no idea what would be on the other side, but I chose the uncertain future (having no idea how wonderful it would be- wow) over a certain death by drinking.

My chosen program of action is AA. Getting started with meetings- just the act of going at first- had to happen for me. The rest - how to live a good life- followed.

Good luck.

gatorman

Great advise!!!

kel08

How do see yourself not ever drinking again when you still enjoy it so much?

Because one day it isn't fun anymore. One day it becomes outright terrifying that you have no control. When you become so frightened to drink because you are scared of your drunk self, not drinking becomes the only sane option. If youre lucky enough to still be thinking clearly.

CoffeeInstead

I have to agree with those saying "one day at a time" I honestly can not see myself NEVER drinking again, but I can picture myself NOT drinking today. It's easier.