Stress
Brother of the Wolf
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Walking With Giants
Posts: 436
Stress
So, last Wednesday night, I had my first panic attack since I've been sober. To be clear, going fourteen months without a panic attack probably hasn't happened in 35 years. So that's awesome. Also, I'm off of anxiety meds for over a year now, and I regulated myself with breathing and intentional movement in about half an hour. So that's awesome too. So why am I still beating myself up for having a panic attack? I know that this is something that I will deal with for the rest of my life. And I know that I didn't do anything wrong to make it happen. It's the end of the semester in a very intense clinical psychology graduate program, so the stress is not out of the ordinary for what I'm doing. But there is still a part of me that can't accept that I'm not perfect. My years spent living in a bottle really took a toll on my self-image, which wasn't all that great to begin with. So now, I push myself to try to always maintain perfection and stability in my life. I know that this is baggage from trying to keep myself safe as a child of abusive alcoholic parents. But I just can't seem to cut myself a break right now. After I finish my final test for a class tomorrow, my plan is to unplug and take care of myself for the day. I have an appointment with my therapist, and then I want to go for a massage, have a nice quiet dinner, and go for a moonlight walk with my dog before meditating and going to bed early. I need to loosen my grip before I let this get out of control and induce another panic attack.
Thanks for listening folks.
Thanks for listening folks.
Being Sober is Awesome
Join Date: Apr 2017
Location: Oregon
Posts: 507
Originally Posted by SweatyHands 
So, last Wednesday night, I had my first panic attack since I've been sober. To be clear, going fourteen months without a panic attack probably hasn't happened in 35 years. So that's awesome. Also, I'm off of anxiety meds for over a year now, and I regulated myself with breathing and intentional movement in about half an hour. So that's awesome too. So why am I still beating myself up for having a panic attack? I know that this is something that I will deal with for the rest of my life. And I know that I didn't do anything wrong to make it happen. It's the end of the semester in a very intense clinical psychology graduate program, so the stress is not out of the ordinary for what I'm doing. But there is still a part of me that can't accept that I'm not perfect. My years spent living in a bottle really took a toll on my self-image, which wasn't all that great to begin with. So now, I push myself to try to always maintain perfection and stability in my life. I know that this is baggage from trying to keep myself safe as a child of abusive alcoholic parents. But I just can't seem to cut myself a break right now. After I finish my final test for a class tomorrow, my plan is to unplug and take care of myself for the day. I have an appointment with my therapist, and then I want to go for a massage, have a nice quiet dinner, and go for a moonlight walk with my dog before meditating and going to bed early. I need to loosen my grip before I let this get out of control and induce another panic attack.
Thanks for listening folks.
Thanks for listening folks.
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