Update on my recovery
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2017
Posts: 63
Update on my recovery
Hi all
Well I have been separated from my AH for 9 weeks now and lots has happened. I am actively attending Alanon as well as AA and CA I am a recovered alcoholic/addict of 2 years. I asked my AH who also gambles and uses cocaine to leave to get himself help. I set a boundary that myself and our daughter would not live with an active user. For the first 4 weeks I went totally 'No contact' In order to get strong. I understand the selfishness of addiction and also the progression of the disease and personality defects as I am one myself. reasoning or conflict with a user is wasted energy.
my sponsor and my meetings have really escalated my own recovery. I did seek medical help as I was in a bad way for the first 4 weeks and was close to relapse myself. The doctor prescribed anti anxiety pills (drop as needed) and Anti depressants which really took the edge off the obsessing of AH whereabouts and activities allowing me to focus on myself and our daughter
He is staying at his mums. He has begged to come home but I have kept my boundaries in place. He has begun attending meetings and has got himself a sponsor and is preparing to commence the 12 steps. he has seen me and many others recover and knows what needs to be done without my input.
I am well aware he needs to do this for himself and not just to get home. Is he? who knows 'More will be revealed'. I am supportive via phone and am really getting to grips with letting go with Love.
However I am not naïve and am quite aware of what actually working a programme involves, he has a long way to go.
For me it is imperative my boundary remains firmly in place for my own recovery, sanity and self respect. I am getting stronger by the day and am prepared to go it alone if he returns to full time addiction. I am also aware it may take him a few times to get it(it did me) But whilst I am living separately and pursuing my own recovery I am detached from the chaos of relapse.
In the beginning I ran everything past my sponsor who without sentiment directed me from wonky thinking and 'Fix him' tactics. My sponsor has been such a god send in the detachment process, I recommend all to get one.
I love him and I hope he recovers. Time will tell ( a long time)but for now I am getting better by the day with Alanon, AA, Sober recovery and GOD. Letting go and letting god was so hard at first, it still can be, but I guess practise makes perfect.
If there's one thing I have gained its being on the reverse side of addiction. Compared to co-dependency giving up substance and alcohol was a walk in the park for me. Co-dependency and being a partner of an active user crucified me.
I am able to now speak from both sides and hope to put this experience into action and help others as I move forward. The best way to get out of self is to 'Help' another. FACT
develop
XXX
Well I have been separated from my AH for 9 weeks now and lots has happened. I am actively attending Alanon as well as AA and CA I am a recovered alcoholic/addict of 2 years. I asked my AH who also gambles and uses cocaine to leave to get himself help. I set a boundary that myself and our daughter would not live with an active user. For the first 4 weeks I went totally 'No contact' In order to get strong. I understand the selfishness of addiction and also the progression of the disease and personality defects as I am one myself. reasoning or conflict with a user is wasted energy.
my sponsor and my meetings have really escalated my own recovery. I did seek medical help as I was in a bad way for the first 4 weeks and was close to relapse myself. The doctor prescribed anti anxiety pills (drop as needed) and Anti depressants which really took the edge off the obsessing of AH whereabouts and activities allowing me to focus on myself and our daughter
He is staying at his mums. He has begged to come home but I have kept my boundaries in place. He has begun attending meetings and has got himself a sponsor and is preparing to commence the 12 steps. he has seen me and many others recover and knows what needs to be done without my input.
I am well aware he needs to do this for himself and not just to get home. Is he? who knows 'More will be revealed'. I am supportive via phone and am really getting to grips with letting go with Love.
However I am not naïve and am quite aware of what actually working a programme involves, he has a long way to go.
For me it is imperative my boundary remains firmly in place for my own recovery, sanity and self respect. I am getting stronger by the day and am prepared to go it alone if he returns to full time addiction. I am also aware it may take him a few times to get it(it did me) But whilst I am living separately and pursuing my own recovery I am detached from the chaos of relapse.
In the beginning I ran everything past my sponsor who without sentiment directed me from wonky thinking and 'Fix him' tactics. My sponsor has been such a god send in the detachment process, I recommend all to get one.
I love him and I hope he recovers. Time will tell ( a long time)but for now I am getting better by the day with Alanon, AA, Sober recovery and GOD. Letting go and letting god was so hard at first, it still can be, but I guess practise makes perfect.
If there's one thing I have gained its being on the reverse side of addiction. Compared to co-dependency giving up substance and alcohol was a walk in the park for me. Co-dependency and being a partner of an active user crucified me.
I am able to now speak from both sides and hope to put this experience into action and help others as I move forward. The best way to get out of self is to 'Help' another. FACT
develop
XXX
Sober since 10th April 2012
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Perth, Western Australia
Posts: 6,047
Hi suzy, great to hear your update. It made me think about the times when it takes separation before a spouse gets serious about recovery. Many posters worry that they're hurting their A, when often it seems they're doing the one thing that could lead to recovery.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 2,792
Suzy, so proud of all your hard work. Just like an addict, you have to put in the effort to move forward and not stay stuck.
I hope this time his sobriety will stick. But if not, it really is none of your business. Keep moving forward my friend, you are going in the right direction.
I hope this time his sobriety will stick. But if not, it really is none of your business. Keep moving forward my friend, you are going in the right direction.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2017
Posts: 63
And here we go
So I updated my recovery and explained I was supporting him by phone. Well he went back out there. Drink, Drugs, Gambling and blew my maintenance money. I was expecting a stop and go recovery from him as he is full of fear. I wasn't expecting how vile he was to me on the phone, but hey ho. Addict behaviour to a tee.
But as I said he is at his mums and I am safe at home with our daughter (he is and has never been violent YET) at home. So I am straight on the phone to my sponsor and have now added another boundary to my big one (I wont live with and active Alcoholic /addict)
New boundary: I will not discuss his recovery high and lows with him any longer by phone, I am not his sponsor or his mother. While he was attending meetings I was happy to support him. But after he spoke to me with disrespect last night he has now forfeited that luxury. I will only discuss our relationship with him, and as I wont even consider having a relationship with him as he is? NO MORE CALLS.
He sent texts saying he's so sorry (Quack quack) I will NOT reply or be budged. If he sends any more ill block him fully. He is only not blocked now because we have a child together. If he crosses that line then blocked he will be.
Its his recovery he doesn't need me to hold his hand. I did my own recovery from alcohol and drugs (2 years clean) and he carried on his addictions the whole way through.
Like I said if he returns to full time addiction I am ready to go it alone. To be honest every time he backtracks I get that little bit more unimpressed.
I shall put my best recovery foot forward and plough on. Greetings and love to ne and all xxx
But as I said he is at his mums and I am safe at home with our daughter (he is and has never been violent YET) at home. So I am straight on the phone to my sponsor and have now added another boundary to my big one (I wont live with and active Alcoholic /addict)
New boundary: I will not discuss his recovery high and lows with him any longer by phone, I am not his sponsor or his mother. While he was attending meetings I was happy to support him. But after he spoke to me with disrespect last night he has now forfeited that luxury. I will only discuss our relationship with him, and as I wont even consider having a relationship with him as he is? NO MORE CALLS.
He sent texts saying he's so sorry (Quack quack) I will NOT reply or be budged. If he sends any more ill block him fully. He is only not blocked now because we have a child together. If he crosses that line then blocked he will be.
Its his recovery he doesn't need me to hold his hand. I did my own recovery from alcohol and drugs (2 years clean) and he carried on his addictions the whole way through.
Like I said if he returns to full time addiction I am ready to go it alone. To be honest every time he backtracks I get that little bit more unimpressed.
I shall put my best recovery foot forward and plough on. Greetings and love to ne and all xxx
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
