36 days sober and relapsed
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2017
Location: Fairfield County, CT
Posts: 110
36 days sober and relapsed
It happened. My biggest fear. Made it over a solid month and then I messed up big time. My mom lives a few hours away from me near my brother. She has advanced dementia and my brother that lives near her is a controlling jerk. I made the journey to see her and spend time with her since its been a few months since I've spoken to her (she can no longer answer her phone). Weekends spent with my mom mean hotel and meal expenses which is why it is a month to a few months apart sometimes in seeing her. My brother went into his usual jerk mode on me and I immediately imploded inward. Took my mom out to dinner and then after dropping her off at her assisted living home, stopped and bought/drank a bottle wine. Feel horrible. My job is helping people and usually I'm so strong. But seeing my mom and my brothers anger took me to a scary place. I'm starting fresh with day 1 tomorrow but so disppointed in myself.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,759
I had more than my share of day ones, but I didn't give up. And I eventually 'got it' and have been sober over seven years now. 
Start over and stick with it. Make a plan for what you'll do next time instead of drinking.
Start over and stick with it. Make a plan for what you'll do next time instead of drinking.
Blue Belt
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Soberville, USA
Posts: 4,174
East,
Well done on not going into a full blown bender.
The first time i quit about 25 years ago, it seemed easy. It was so easy I thought I could start up again and quit anytime I wanted. That time I quit for 8 months.
Well, quitting this time was hell. Living hell. Like no other hell I have experienced.
Nobody told me this before I decided to pick up a drink again.
At least you have been warned. Each relapse digs us deeper and deeper.
My hole this time took me over a year to climb out of. I am still a bit jacked up and I am almost 2 years clean.
But, I am 1000x better than 9 May 2015. That day, I was a dead man walking.
My issues were physical and mental.
Stay clean.
The AV will tell you anything to get you to pick up again.
Thanks.
Well done on not going into a full blown bender.
The first time i quit about 25 years ago, it seemed easy. It was so easy I thought I could start up again and quit anytime I wanted. That time I quit for 8 months.
Well, quitting this time was hell. Living hell. Like no other hell I have experienced.
Nobody told me this before I decided to pick up a drink again.
At least you have been warned. Each relapse digs us deeper and deeper.
My hole this time took me over a year to climb out of. I am still a bit jacked up and I am almost 2 years clean.
But, I am 1000x better than 9 May 2015. That day, I was a dead man walking.
My issues were physical and mental.
Stay clean.
The AV will tell you anything to get you to pick up again.
Thanks.
Guest
Join Date: Mar 2017
Location: NH
Posts: 374
Don't beat yourself up. You are doing the right thing in posting and keeping yourself accountable for your slip up.
It sucks to have to reset to day 1, but the progress you made in your 36 days is still relevant as it proves categorically that you can quit.
Keep strong!
It sucks to have to reset to day 1, but the progress you made in your 36 days is still relevant as it proves categorically that you can quit.
Keep strong!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: East Coast USA
Posts: 120,855
Thousands of Day 1s here, too, Eastcoaster20. I truly thought that I was a hopeless cause.
I can very clearly remember the day I put my wineglass to my mouth and could not bring myself to take that first sip (gulp). I put that glass down, more afraid of a life with alcohol than a life without it. I repeated, over and over again, "Enough; enough; enough . . . . . . .enough". That was, blessedly, 5 years, 4 months, 2 weeks, 4 days and 2 hours ago.
Life has never better.
Have you had 'enough', Eastcoaster20?
You can do this; you can put all the disappointment and emptiness that alcohol brings solidly behind you.
Looking forward to welcoming you to Day 1 of your Sober Life.
I can very clearly remember the day I put my wineglass to my mouth and could not bring myself to take that first sip (gulp). I put that glass down, more afraid of a life with alcohol than a life without it. I repeated, over and over again, "Enough; enough; enough . . . . . . .enough". That was, blessedly, 5 years, 4 months, 2 weeks, 4 days and 2 hours ago.
Life has never better.
Have you had 'enough', Eastcoaster20?
You can do this; you can put all the disappointment and emptiness that alcohol brings solidly behind you.
Looking forward to welcoming you to Day 1 of your Sober Life.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2016
Location: Wareham, Mass
Posts: 7,067
East, my mother has dementia as well. She fell a few months ago, and we spent the day in the ER. She's fine, but suffice to say it was not a pleasant day.
I NEVER wanted a drink so much in my life that night after we put her to bed.
The onlything stopping me, if I'm honest, was that I was exhausted and just wanted to go to bed.
So I hear you.
If I may suggest: move on, begin again, and make a plan for the next time you visit.
We get blindsided by emotions and that's when we want to drink.
I NEVER wanted a drink so much in my life that night after we put her to bed.
The onlything stopping me, if I'm honest, was that I was exhausted and just wanted to go to bed.
So I hear you.
If I may suggest: move on, begin again, and make a plan for the next time you visit.
We get blindsided by emotions and that's when we want to drink.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: East Coast USA
Posts: 120,855
My many prayers for you, Eastcoaster, and Maudcat, as you navigate the care of your mothers and the realities and challenges of dementia.
It is a noble venture.
Be patient with yourselves as you go.
It is a noble venture.
Be patient with yourselves as you go.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2016
Location: CA
Posts: 967
Sorry to hear that your brother triggered you to drink. Remember, we are also powerless over people, places and things, not just alcohol. Our sobriety is easier when we surrender trying to control people and only focus on controlling our own selves. I hope you can get back on track.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 9,029
I'm sorry that you drank over this It is so hard dealing with a jerk. You get angry, disappointed, sad, every emotion under the sun. One thing that having a recovery plan helps with is how to deal with situations like this Planning for the eventuality that your brother will be a jerk. Planning for how you will respond. Planning, planning, planning.
I used to fall into the trap of "I'll show you!! I'll hurt ME!" as I continued to drink away the pain It never helped make anything better
Keep coming back. If you know that your brother is going to be difficult, you can plan how to deal with that without drinking. He's not important. Seeing your mother is. Focus on that.
I used to fall into the trap of "I'll show you!! I'll hurt ME!" as I continued to drink away the pain It never helped make anything better
Keep coming back. If you know that your brother is going to be difficult, you can plan how to deal with that without drinking. He's not important. Seeing your mother is. Focus on that.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,371
hey Eastcoaster
try not to beat yourself up too much - whats done is done/
I think you probably need a plan for the next time you go visit your mom tho?
Drinking's not helping your mom, it's not making your bro any less of a jerk and it sure as heck is not helping you.
I'm not sure in what ways your brother is a controlling jerk but I usually talk to mine with a kind of mental 'talk to the hand' thing going on.
Maybe you can just focus on visiting with your mom and then maybe leave the bro stuff for an email or something?
I realise it must be emotionally tumultuous but you're worth the effort of finding new, healthy ways to deal with that.
You can definitely find better ways to deal with the aftermath than sitting in your hotel room drinking...
there are some great ideas for recovery plans here too:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ery-plans.html
D
try not to beat yourself up too much - whats done is done/
I think you probably need a plan for the next time you go visit your mom tho?
Drinking's not helping your mom, it's not making your bro any less of a jerk and it sure as heck is not helping you.
I'm not sure in what ways your brother is a controlling jerk but I usually talk to mine with a kind of mental 'talk to the hand' thing going on.
Maybe you can just focus on visiting with your mom and then maybe leave the bro stuff for an email or something?
I realise it must be emotionally tumultuous but you're worth the effort of finding new, healthy ways to deal with that.
You can definitely find better ways to deal with the aftermath than sitting in your hotel room drinking...
there are some great ideas for recovery plans here too:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ery-plans.html
D
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2017
Location: Fairfield County, CT
Posts: 110
Thank you all for your advice and support. It helps so much to know I'm not alone. Day 1 for me again. Not going to let this set back with my brother hurt me any longer. You all are right in the fact that I'm not going to give him or the pain of seeing my mom slowly slip away affect my sobriety. At the end of the day, I have two kids that need me and I need to be strong for them AND my mom. Reading through the responses has given me hope that it can be done. Thank you all, from the bottom of my heart. New day, fresh start.
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