914born

Sitting here watching Rent lol i live for musicals. And yes I started sniffing coke , ashamed idk, releaved idk, relaxed, smh sort of. I played the tape, and know exactly what's to come when I run out of this 80 dollar bag, (4)16ounce beers, 2 blunts, and 7 cigarettes. SMH pain, and discomfort, and hopefully only an hr or 2 of trying to force myself to sleep. Believe It or not, i feel like I'm free right now, and that my eyes are finally open to the stupidity and bull crap I've been putting myself through, and my kids. I'm hoping this is my final go round. Scratch that. I'm going make it business to make sure.

Stellar45

This can be your final go, it really can. What do you need to do to make that a reality? I'm pulling for ya. May this be a new beginning.

914born

Idk what I need to do to make it a reality. I changed my number and blocked certain ppl from contacting me. That's a start, I mean I know my main connects number by heart couldn't forget it if I tried. I know it's on me but I'm going have a talk with him tomorrow and see if he's willing to change his number or don't answer my calls. Go back to NA, something idk I do know I wanna be done. And I'm going keep coming here until I actually achieve it

SteveAlex

The best time to post is before using/drinking.

Dee74

I'm not trying to be smart here - but not buying coke, booze weed and whatever else has got to be the fundamental step.

I can't see a dealer is going to change his number for you or block your calls - they're just not that altruistic.

The buck stops with us - but we don't have to do it alone.

The bottom line is you have to start building a solid network of support to use - an alternative to the old way of just saying eff it and getting high...

Use the network before you go and buy whatever.

Recovery is all about different decisions - there may be some short term pain, but it's worth it

There's any number of folks here who've done what you're trying to so - pick their brains

D

914born

I know that, but it happened so fast, called him and he was here in 2 minutes. As soon​ as i woke up It's crazy first thing on my mind I know. But this is my Truth. sorry​ if my post offended or triggered u or anyone else

Dee74

so all this happened between your other thread (1.50am) and now?

I really recommend you get some other good, sober numbers to call, or post here.

The more alternatives you have when the crazy ideas hit you, the greater chance you have of different outcomes 914Born.

D

914born

Thanks Dee, I know you weren't being "smart" since I've joined SR you've reached out to support me. I appreciate and take heed to everything u say to me. ☺

Soberwolf

It's starts with Acceptance x

D122y

914,

All those drugs have altered your brain.

I can only speak of my alcohol addicton.

There is no easy road out of addiction. I suffered horrible mental and physical issues getting clean.

Until I decided to stop, after I scared myself clean during a freak out while driving, it was impossible.

When I stopped drinking, I dealt w so much mental and physical hell. It was like I had to climb a thorn covered mountain that took over a year. That is how long I was in a world of hell.

Now, I am over the mountain, but I am still addicted to booze mentally. It calls to me sometimes.

But, I remember the hell. I play the tape. I come here and read and post.

It is like going to an AA meeting, but I am in my living room.

Thanks.

SnazzyDresser

I've never seen Rent. I'm more old school when it comes to musicals, Rodgers and Hammerstein, Lerner and Loewe and whatnot.

Keep at this sobriety thing even if it's not clicking now, try some new approaches and don't quit on yourself.

SteveAlex

Hows it going 914?