Stewy84

I've been drinking tonight. Brain is already "scheduling" a whole weekend of drinking

I'm not managing my relationship breakdown properly

I'm annoyed with it all, I'm drunk again tonight, I'm frustrated with myself that I've re opened this can of worms after over 2 years of sobriety

Why can't I be in a normal relationship like anyone else?

Why can't I drink normally?

Why am I harming myself continually?

I don't know, I'm so annoyed, I feel like the goal of sobriety is slipping away from me

I'm not clear anymore on why I need to be sober

This is awful, I want to fight for my relationship, I want to be the man I should be

Anna

Stewy, why not sit and write down the reasons why you need to be sober? Sobriety will help you to stop self-harming, to find a fulfilling relationship, to feel good about yourself.

doggonecarl

And what's the goal of your drinking? It's not helping your relationship, or helping you manage the breakup. You don't seem happy. What's the end game?

Teetotaler56

I don't know your circumstances, but I'm getting that a friend is planning a weekend of drinking with you because you had a slip up? If that's right, maybe you should make plans with a different friend.

If you quit for two years and had a slip-up, you can get back on track. I quit for two years, then went through some stuff and started again. Continued it and ended up drinking for another solid two years. Please don't let that happen to you. Stop it now before things get out of hand. You can do it.

Forward12

Dump what is left. You will never be the man you want to be when you are a slave to alcohol.

SteveAlex

"I'm not clear anymore on why I need to be sober

This is awful, I want to fight for my relationship, I want to be the man I should be"

Seems like you kind of answered your own question here Stewy. You can do it. Get some rest. Tomorrow is day 1.

FreedomCA

I hope you can get back on track. Alcohol is not a long term solution.

Hevyn

Stewy - drinking isn't doing a thing for you. You drink out of habit to try and feel better - but it doesn't work that way. It's only causing you more misery & anxiety. Nothing can get accomplished while you're in that state.

MarkTwain

Stewy, when you get back on your feet tomorrow you'll probably cycle out of the self-hate and helpless phase that follows drinking, then maybe you could describe what your program was to stay away from drinking for two years and, if it works, make a plan to get back with that program or make some changes.

I've been through my share of relationship break-ups since I stopped drinking, but I sure as hell wasn't giving anyone the satisfaction of destroying myself over it(!), and, frankly, some people never have "normal" relationships for one reason or another. Drinking doesn't help come to terms with it.

least

The part of your brain that's 'scheduling' a whole weekend of drinking is the addicted part. But you don't have to listen to it or do as it says.

Delilah1

Hi Stewy,

I'm sorry you're drinking again. If you want to find a new relationship, you need to get back in control of you.

You know you can do this, you had two years sober. Hope to see you back here for day one tomorrow, and that you enjoy a sober weekend.

ScottFromWI

Drunk posting here isn't going to help either Stewy. At some point you might need to consider inpatient rehab to be honest. You don't listen to any of the good advice you get here, nor the suggestions of your doctor. Seems all you want is to obsess about a long ago failed relationship, which was likely a result of your past drinking, Do you simply not see the connection?

DesertDawg

Hi Stewy. I don't know the totality of your situation, but from what you've posted previously about the relationship that you want to "fight for," that ship seems to have sailed, friend. It doesn't sound like you are going to get better until you accept that and move on.

To answer your question, I think you probably CAN be in a "normal" relationship, but it doesn't sound like this is the one. And it doesn't sound like being in a relationship needs to be your priority right now. I think you need to work on you before you think about a relationship.

It sounds like you need to move on from this person, get sober, determine the reasons you drink/harm yourself, and deal with those proactively. Please don't think I'm judging you, Stewy, I'm not, but it sounds like you've made your happiness in life contingent on another person, and that is not healthy. We are all ultimately responsible for our own happiness; surrendering that responsibility to someone else is not fair to ourselves or to the other person.

I wish you the best, Stewy.

MarkTwain

Yeah, Scott, I wasn't as direct or as specific as you are, but, seriously, you've described the essence of the matter in sharp lines.

Dee74

Hi Stewy

all I can tell you is I drank for years over the same things you're drinking over,...it didn't get me the girl back - in fact my world shrunk to the size of my room and I never met anyone new, let alone female, for well over 10 years.

Drinking never made me happy, it only made me more unhappy and it contributed to me lose not one but three careers.

You have a child right? The longer you let this self pity numbing down go on the more you're going to affect your kid.

I don't think thats fair at all and to be honest it makes me a little angry.

You should be angry too - not at yourself - but at your addiction..

Its a teller of lies and stealer of lives Stewy. Its time to kick it to the kerb.

Soberwolf

In this together brother

Stewy84

It's not that I don't listen to advice here, I'm just not doing enough my end to secure the sobriety. I have all the tools

I totally appreciate all the help I do receive. I agree about the impact on my daughter

I have a telephone consultation for therapy which will help

I'm really glad of the support I get here

tomsteve

when you decide you WANT to be sober, you will use the tools.
yes, you are being very selfish and putting you and your misery ahead of your daughters well being. and youre missing out on a lot of memories.
I missed out on a LOT with my son. more importantly is my son missed out on having a father. I existed with a lot of regret and remorse over it for a long time.
you have a phone consult- great! what then?
are you ready to stop drinking? do you WANT recovery? are you WILLING to do whatever is necessary to recover?

personally I think you should stop screwin around with this relationship with someone that doesn't want a relationship with you and focus on the relationship with the one that does want a relationship with you- yourself and your daughter

CreativeThinker

Hey Stewy,

Sorry to learn that you're still struggling with getting back to living. 2 yrs is quite an accomplishment. I would feel pretty sh**** too if I relapsed after having that much time sober.

As so many here have said, it just takes a final commitment on your part to get back to a healthy and happy life again. You know how to get sober and stay sober. It hasn't been that long since you relapsed...it's just a bump in the road at this juncture. Don't do what I did after my last relapse and let 10 yrs slip by. Life is waaaaay to short!

The only thing I might add is this. It only takes 1 day of drinking for something tragic to happen. Are you willing to take that risk?

Nonsensical

My kids always helped clarify things.