Hello from California
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2017
Location: Sacramento Area, CA
Posts: 5
Hello from California
Hi there. I'm new here. I have been on the HAMS - Harm Reduction forum for awhile, and I found a lot of support there. I thought there may be other forums out there that I should check out too.
My short story... I tried to taper. I read the How to Reduce Your Drinking book. My drinking continued to increase. I wouldn't drink in the AM or during the work day, but as soon as 5pm came around, I'd start... stopping at 10pm when I went to bed. Then, I noticed I was feeling sick during the day. I even went to the doctor, thinking it was my BP or low potassium. Fact was, my body crossed a line and I needed alcohol. I was going through daily withdrawals and they were plain awful. This lasted for 12 days straight. One Friday, I tested myself by doing a shot at 5pm after work. All my symptoms were gone. I felt better, but thought... "Oh crap. I'm there. I'm really physically addicted."
As a good addict might, I bargained with myself... "If I can get back to being able to function at work, I can continue." Well, Monday rolled around and was completely sick. I suppose I could have done a shot and headed to work. But instead I was finally ready to admit I was tired of feeling sick and tired. I didn't have a court order. I didn't get a DUI. I didn't ruin relationships. Work performance could have been better, but I was doing fine. I was ready to be done. I checked myself into rehab.
BEST THING I'VE EVER DONE!
I suppose I could have tried to taper at home instead, but my will power wasn't what it once was. My 'mid-brain' had too much influence over my cortex, or frontal lobe. I am lucky. I realized my problem before my world caught on fire. I have been drinking since 5th grade. Binge drinking in HS and College. Continued in moderation and occasional binge throughout my 30's. Then, early 40's I found my love of Scotch and Irish Whiskey. Drank every day for 6 straight years. Drunk each night for the majority of those years. My early years of drinking (when my neurons were forming) + the son of an alcoholic = I too was destined for alcoholism. It's too bad. I like alcohol. But, Social Drinking isn't in my future, and I'm learning sober living.
I successfully completed an IOP program and I learned a lot! Since I left detox, I hadn't struggled with cravings at all. I supposed I was firmly in the pink cloud. That ended when I had a relapse after 220+ days of sobriety. It took only about 2 weeks to get back to where I was drinking wise. I realized what was happening and quit. I suffered through withdrawals for about 36 hours and I haven't looked back since. I'm learned a relapse is pretty typical. It's part of the experience.
Today, I'm still on my sober journey. That includes helping others who were in my same shoes. I don't attend any AA meetings. Nothing at all against AA, just hasn't been my thing for some reason.
I look forward to getting to know ya'll and learn a thing or two.
CaliJohn
My short story... I tried to taper. I read the How to Reduce Your Drinking book. My drinking continued to increase. I wouldn't drink in the AM or during the work day, but as soon as 5pm came around, I'd start... stopping at 10pm when I went to bed. Then, I noticed I was feeling sick during the day. I even went to the doctor, thinking it was my BP or low potassium. Fact was, my body crossed a line and I needed alcohol. I was going through daily withdrawals and they were plain awful. This lasted for 12 days straight. One Friday, I tested myself by doing a shot at 5pm after work. All my symptoms were gone. I felt better, but thought... "Oh crap. I'm there. I'm really physically addicted."
As a good addict might, I bargained with myself... "If I can get back to being able to function at work, I can continue." Well, Monday rolled around and was completely sick. I suppose I could have done a shot and headed to work. But instead I was finally ready to admit I was tired of feeling sick and tired. I didn't have a court order. I didn't get a DUI. I didn't ruin relationships. Work performance could have been better, but I was doing fine. I was ready to be done. I checked myself into rehab.
BEST THING I'VE EVER DONE!
I suppose I could have tried to taper at home instead, but my will power wasn't what it once was. My 'mid-brain' had too much influence over my cortex, or frontal lobe. I am lucky. I realized my problem before my world caught on fire. I have been drinking since 5th grade. Binge drinking in HS and College. Continued in moderation and occasional binge throughout my 30's. Then, early 40's I found my love of Scotch and Irish Whiskey. Drank every day for 6 straight years. Drunk each night for the majority of those years. My early years of drinking (when my neurons were forming) + the son of an alcoholic = I too was destined for alcoholism. It's too bad. I like alcohol. But, Social Drinking isn't in my future, and I'm learning sober living.
I successfully completed an IOP program and I learned a lot! Since I left detox, I hadn't struggled with cravings at all. I supposed I was firmly in the pink cloud. That ended when I had a relapse after 220+ days of sobriety. It took only about 2 weeks to get back to where I was drinking wise. I realized what was happening and quit. I suffered through withdrawals for about 36 hours and I haven't looked back since. I'm learned a relapse is pretty typical. It's part of the experience.
Today, I'm still on my sober journey. That includes helping others who were in my same shoes. I don't attend any AA meetings. Nothing at all against AA, just hasn't been my thing for some reason.
I look forward to getting to know ya'll and learn a thing or two.
CaliJohn
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,435
Welcome to SR CaliJohn 
Not your fault, but I really hate that expression
I understand that a lot of people relapse but I hate to see it normalised.
To me, a relapse is part of my addiction - not of my recovery.
Chalk and cheese.
D
I'm learned a relapse is pretty typical. It's part of the experience.
I understand that a lot of people relapse but I hate to see it normalised.
To me, a relapse is part of my addiction - not of my recovery.
Chalk and cheese.
D
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2017
Location: Sacramento Area, CA
Posts: 5
Originally Posted by Dee74 
Welcome to SR CaliJohn
Not your fault, but I really hate that expression
I understand that a lot of people relapse but I hate to see it normalised.
To me, a relapse is part of my addiction - not of my recovery.
Chalk and cheese.
D
Not your fault, but I really hate that expression
I understand that a lot of people relapse but I hate to see it normalised.
To me, a relapse is part of my addiction - not of my recovery.
Chalk and cheese.
D
Have a great day!
Adventurer
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: Tuxedo Park, NY
Posts: 1,101
Good luck, had almost a year before my first relapse. It stinks for sure but just make changes so it doesn't happen again. If itstarts happening more frequently than you need to change your plan.
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