Misc72

Have had my son for 9 straight days. Had an awesome beach trip for his Spring Break. Just back from trip last night. Just dropped him off at his dad's till Tuesday. I'm so down just sad. Flood gates are open. Mostly because he didn't want to go. No one is ever home there. Nothing bad to say about his dad other than he just isn't around when our son is there. And so it's frustrating when he doesn't want to go and I don't want him to go. All I want to do is drink. I'm totally serious. Will need extra support this weekend. Sadness is my biggest weakness. All I'll do is get drunk and feel like **** tomorrow and kick myself for losing 33 days sober time and still be sad. . But I'll tell you I have to learn how to live without him. He is 15 years old now. I thought this would get easier. It's not and it will take all my strength to avoid my old ways. Just seeing him lugging his bags back and forth...and saying goodbye with tears in his eyes.

thomas11

Sadness, loneliness and anger in our relationships causes many many people to drink. Spouse, mother, child, sister....when things go bad or they are gone, we resort to the instant gratification of our comfort zone. I hope you continue on with your sobriety, would be a shame to relapse now that you have a good chunk of time under your belt. Keep it going sunshine, you'll be fine.

Soberwolf

You'll definitely have that extra support x

SoberLeigh

((((sunshine)))); I can only imagine how painful that must be.

Drinking will only hurt the Mom he loves so much.

saoutchik

Sorry to hear about the situation with your son sunshine72 it sounds like a very frustrating situation. I know it is hard but try to look on the positive side, it is only four days so if you think back to Monday morning it is only the same amount since then so not long really. Also it gives you a chance to do things that maybe your son would not be so keen to do. It can be an opportunity as well as something that upsets you.

I hope you don't drink as that will just make you even more down and you will not be able to stop thinking about it.

Sending positive vibes your way.

2ndhandrose

(((sunshine)))

How many more tears will be in your son's eyes if you drink over this.

Lots of support to you, please don't drink

Arcsoul

Please don't drink Sunshine you are an inspiration to me I know I haven't been here long and only have 4 days. But it's all of the people like you that give me the courage to keep going and let me know I'm not alone. You can do do this don't give in.

Please be there with me tomorrow to check in for another 24 hours of sobriety.

Delilah1

Hi Sunshine,

I'm so glad you came here and posted. I'm also glad you had such a wonderful trip with your son. In anticipation of missing him while he is away can you sign up for an online class? Plan for hikes/yoga/walks. Find a favorite series to binge watch on Netflix?

You can do this, check in here as much as needed.

Quinten

He'll always need and love his mom even when life separates you at times... and he would not want you to hurt yourself because you're sad or worried about him.

Try to remember that the drink(s) you're craving now really don't make you feel better, and having them puts you back into that hole you've worked so hard to climb out of.

Please hang in there. Don't have that first drink. You can do it, Sunshine.

~Quinten

NewRomanMan

Whenever I have a temptation to drink like that, I remind myself that every day I spend sober is making me a little more the parent my children deserve. It's a little act of love. Maybe it doesn't mean all that much to me in the short term, but it means the world to them =)

Misc72

Sober Recovery is my "tribe" for sure. To get this type of support immediately after posting is priceless. I'm going to push through this sad and angry feelings. I have to deal with the pain. I'm determined. Masking/numbing it with booze only delays the pain. So I'm just going to cry it out, punch my pillows and scream into them. Eventually I'll tire of being sad and angry. I'm a happy person inside. That makes me HATE these negative feelings even more, because these feelings change me. Yes I feel very weak and the easiest thing to do is to drink it away because I'm too much of a wuss to deal with it. It is what it is. If I drink or don't drink he will still be gone.
saoutchik: you are right it's only 4 days and I can do what I want. "except drink" so I'll order kung pai chicken and watch a movie of my choice and sleep in!
Arcsoul: I won't let you down. Thank you because you really gave me a smile that I have inspired you. I usually have my head in the right place but when it comes to my son, I crumble.

Anna

Sunshine, being a mother is the hardest job ever. (((Sunshine)))

I don't know if it would help you, but I have been really emotional, journalling has helped me. It's hard putting the words on paper, but somehow, it helps to release the feelings.

Arcsoul

I'm glad I could make you smile. I'm happy to return the favor,enjoy your night of Kung pai and a movie and sleeping in you deserve it

Elke516

(((Sunshine))) reading your post really touched me. I hope you didn't drink and that you're feeling better.

Sending you positive vibes. You can do this Sunshine

Bebrave

Hi Sunshine-- your Classmate and sober days buddy here!

I'm so glad you came here to post. I hope you're doing a little better. Keep yourself busy and realize you're a better mom for staying sober.

Frank14

It sounds like you have a plan to do something else besides drink and that's good! Enjoy the kung pao chicken and movie.

Misc72

Hi to all... my rage has passed along with the urge. Well for the most part. I must say that if it weren't for all of your support I would have likely of drank. If I can get through these hard times without picking up and dealing with life as it comes at me then I can do this. Yes, I'm still sad but that's life. It's not all a bowl of cherries. If I can get through 90 days I know I can do this long term. Thank you all so much again. BTW the kung pai chix was amazing. Now I'll deal with the tummy ache. lol

Dee74

Sunshine

D

Midwest1981

Kung pao chicken sounds amazing. I made it a few weeks ago for the first time.

I hope you have a nice weekend the best you can and glad the urge has past.

PhoenixJ

empathy and support offered