Snowie71

I had a whole "re-introduction" post going on that disappeared. I had been gratefully involved in SR the past but life took over. Oh well. I have had emotional "hell" to go through over the past 3 years, gave up alcohol in Feb 2015 partially and then completely Jan 2016 because my mum was diagnosed with cancer. Today is the anniversary of my travelling "home" and being with her till she died.

I get up early. At 5.15 this morning I was with the birds in my garden. They were all birdy-shouting, There was such a force of nature I was facing that I burst into tears, remembering the new growth on trees in my mum's garden. Then the brutality of the fact I'll never hang out in her garden again.

I turned 46 in March but feel like a child. I feel the tension that is rising in the build up to the anniversary of her death, and feel powerless. I'm supposed to be job hunting. My dad died suddenly a few months before her diagnosis so I'm still grieving him too.

I need friends. I'm too private in real life. Does anyone relate to what I have said?

doggonecarl

Sorry for your loss, Snowie. I too have lost my parents, but before I got sober.

If you don't drink anymore, there are no days significant enough to drink over. There are other ways to mark the anniversary of your mom's passing, ways that will honor her better than getting drunk.

Stay strong.

Marissa41

I totally relate.. Lost my grandmother(who raised me) almost 2 years ago.
Then unexpectedly lost my younger brother (age 25) to a auto pedestrian accident last June. It was devastating. Grieving is a process with so many emotions. But for some reason we are supposed to feel those emotions and until then we can't move forward. So sorry for your losses. Hang in there.

Soberwolf

We're here & we got your back I lost my mother x

Misc72

I can relate. I'm sorry for your loss and the pain you must be feeling.

sugarbear1

I lost both of my parents last year, too. 2014-2016, a virtual slide down the health scale for both of them. I did not drink over it. In fact, my mother passed on my 5 year anniversary of sobriety. Coincidence?? Maybe....

Keep coming to SR. We'll support your efforts here!!!!

Anna

Snowie, I'm sorry that you are stressed about the upcoming anniversary. You know that you will always find support here.

MarkTwain

This will sound cruel and heartless at first (it did to me at first when I heard it)...a friend of mine's mother died, and he was grieving but he said, "She died. It was a bad day for her. I ain't drinking over it."

Well then. Talk about putting your sobriety first.

2ndhandrose

Snowie, I can relate to what you are experiencing. Both of my parents are gone, I miss them both, but I was especially close to my mom. I treasure her memory.

I also honour her memory with my sobriety. She was so proud of me for getting sober the first time. I relapsed not long before she went into the hospital for the final time. I never told her but I have never been 100% certain that she may have guessed but didn't say.

It took me 22 ish yrs to get back to sober and now I can feel proud of myself for her.

"They were all birdy-shouting, There was such a force of nature I was facing that I burst into tears, remembering the new growth on trees in my mum's garden. "

This ^^^^^^^^^^really got to me. I feel the flood of emotion just reading this.

2ndhandrose

My mom was from Luton, Bedfordshire

Dee74

Hi Snowie - Welcome to SR.

I've lost good friends and there is a deep well of sadness knowing that things will never be the same again...but with time, I believe we can find a new normal not forgetting those who are gone, but finding the joy in our memories.

drinking only puts the healing pattern off...we don't deal with anything, we don't get anywhere and we end up in a loop of pain with we endlessly replenish each time we drink....

I'm glad I was sober to be there with my friend in his last months...there are other losses in my life where I was drunk and I really regret that., I could have done better.

Please do clean on us - you're not alone

D

PhoenixJ

Snowie- totally. My narratives explain that. Empathy and support offered.

Caramel

Snowie71 - I'm so sorry for your great losses.
I hope you will find beautifully appropriate and meaningful ways to mark the sad anniversaries.

Hevyn

I'm so glad you posted, snowie. I do understand - my parents are both gone too. Drinking destroys me though - it does nothing to calm me or help me cope. I'm glad I finally learned that. I hope you'll keep posting. There is encouragement and hope here.

4fam

Snowie. I am so sorry for your loss. Stay strong.

Eastcoaster20

You are not alone. My dad passed away from cancer a few years ago and I drank myself through my grief. Now I'm watching my mom journey her way through Alzheimer's which is brutal at times to watch. I'm the same age as you and can totally relate to feeling like a child sometimes having to let go of the past. The pain can be so intense. I'm sober now and plan on never drinking again. I feel like even my limited time with sobriety has helped me better navigate through the sadness. I know it's so much easier to drink yourself into oblivion when the darkness hits but you are your parents legacy and they'd only want the very best for you......and you can't do that at the bottom of a bottle. Or at least that's what is getting me through my loss.

Delilah1

Hi Snowie,

I'm so glad you posted. I am also 46, and got sober for good in January of 2016. I lost my dad in March of 2010, he was only 68, and died of alcohol related illness. I don't think it matters how old we are when we lose a parent it is extremely difficult.

There are so many wonderful people on this site. You should join us in the 24 hour thread, it is filled with people who truly care for, and check in on each other.

Sending lots of love your way.

❤Delilah

teatreeoil007

My dad passed a few years back and my mom hasn't been the same since :.. empathy and understanding... hang in there...we're here for you!!

bronzie

I can relate and I'm so sorry for your loss, Snowie. My Dad passed away just a couple weeks before I had a scheduled trip to visit him for Christmas 2002. The last time I spoke to him was on thanksgiving day that year. I told him, "I love you and will see you soon." I never got to see him or talk to him again. His death happened suddenly, and I was heartbroken and devasted. The next 10 years were me drinking and using drugs, something I know he would not have wanted for me, to hurt myself that way. I was numbing the grief and sadness so I wouldn't have to feel it. Now, on the anniversary of his death and his birthday, I don't drink, I just use those days to remember the good times and smile and be thankful that I had him in my life for 20 years. Some people never have that chance to know thei parents. As sad as it may be, death is a part of life, just as the things in your mother's garden bloom in the spring and die in the winter....such will happen to all of us eventually. I know it's very sad and hard to accept, I have a great fear of death myself, mostly because I have children and don't want them to ever feel that pain of losing a parent, because I know how that feels, and it's very difficult. Just please don't drink, it won't help anything. Thinking of you and sending lots of love and support your way!

Snowie71

Thank you so much to everyone who replied, it's helped tremendously. I like the idea of honouring mum with my sobriety. The grief process was - still is - exhausting, but you all know that. The kindness on these pages is beautiful. I will post more, get involved. I will also figure out how to do a "thank you" to posts on my phone!! Right, off to take my kiddies to see Boss Baby 😀