22 Year old female, borderline alcoholic, ruining my life..
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Join Date: Apr 2017
Posts: 10
22 Year old female, borderline alcoholic, ruining my life..
Hi I'm new here. I decided to sign up because I do not want to go to AA and have no one to talk to.
I am ruining my life with alcohol. I have had around four or five minimum wage jobs in the past year because I was too hung over to work. I quit my only good job 3 years ago due to sleeping around with Co workers while I was black out drunk and ruining my career. I got a new job 2 weeks ago and have already missed one day and showed up one day half drunk at 6 am.
I am attractive by general terms so I guess that's how I keep getting hired places and seem like a good person.
My boyfriend is 9 years older than me and also an alcoholic. I am just as addicted to him as I am to drinking, and that is all we do together. Going to the movies? Bring a pint of vodka. Walk in the park? We need purse beer. We can split a quart every day for days as long as work doesnt get in the way. It is fun but also terrible as I have been cheated on before, we have gotten in physical fights (me being the violent one, him using words) but my self confidence is so low and I have no one so I took him back after 2 weeks... even though he was staying at his ex girlfriends house. My last relationship was with a heroin addict for 3 years so I guess it seems normal to be in a dysfunctional relationship. He is extremely good with people and manipulative and charming.
I have had a DUI before and even continued to drunk drive occasionally after I got my license back. My boyfriend always says things like "we can never drink and drive" "we have to calm down on the hard liquor and stick to beer" but it never seems to happen. He does not have his license and lives at home still with no plans of moving out. As bad as that is, looking at my history I don't have the best track record either.
I guess I just feel like I have NO control in my life and what is going to happen to me. I've always been a very impulsive, reckless person even when I was younger. I need to find inner strength somehow. Even when I try and say no to seeing my boyfriend and drinking with him he blows up my phone with texts and calls and convinces me of how fun it will be and eventually it drags me out. We spend every cent of our money until it runs out, always days before pay day
. I hate staying home too so it's not all his fault. I am easily convinced. I know the answer is to leave him, stay home, go to work every day and live a normal life. But I just can't right now because I have 0 self control and no self confidence. I just like to go out and drink and forget about my problems and I'm scared it's going to ruin my life.
I know that was long and I'm sorry but replies are greatly appreciated.
I am ruining my life with alcohol. I have had around four or five minimum wage jobs in the past year because I was too hung over to work. I quit my only good job 3 years ago due to sleeping around with Co workers while I was black out drunk and ruining my career. I got a new job 2 weeks ago and have already missed one day and showed up one day half drunk at 6 am.
I am attractive by general terms so I guess that's how I keep getting hired places and seem like a good person.
My boyfriend is 9 years older than me and also an alcoholic. I am just as addicted to him as I am to drinking, and that is all we do together. Going to the movies? Bring a pint of vodka. Walk in the park? We need purse beer. We can split a quart every day for days as long as work doesnt get in the way. It is fun but also terrible as I have been cheated on before, we have gotten in physical fights (me being the violent one, him using words) but my self confidence is so low and I have no one so I took him back after 2 weeks... even though he was staying at his ex girlfriends house. My last relationship was with a heroin addict for 3 years so I guess it seems normal to be in a dysfunctional relationship. He is extremely good with people and manipulative and charming.
I have had a DUI before and even continued to drunk drive occasionally after I got my license back. My boyfriend always says things like "we can never drink and drive" "we have to calm down on the hard liquor and stick to beer" but it never seems to happen. He does not have his license and lives at home still with no plans of moving out. As bad as that is, looking at my history I don't have the best track record either.
I guess I just feel like I have NO control in my life and what is going to happen to me. I've always been a very impulsive, reckless person even when I was younger. I need to find inner strength somehow. Even when I try and say no to seeing my boyfriend and drinking with him he blows up my phone with texts and calls and convinces me of how fun it will be and eventually it drags me out. We spend every cent of our money until it runs out, always days before pay day
. I hate staying home too so it's not all his fault. I am easily convinced. I know the answer is to leave him, stay home, go to work every day and live a normal life. But I just can't right now because I have 0 self control and no self confidence. I just like to go out and drink and forget about my problems and I'm scared it's going to ruin my life.
I know that was long and I'm sorry but replies are greatly appreciated.
Keeping it simple!
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Surrey, BC
Posts: 3,282
One of the best things I did when I was serious about getting sober was to get an alcohol and drug counselor. Is this an option for you? This battle is hard to fight on your own and it is important to get a good support system going. And sometimes that means losing those that hinder our recovery.
Do your best
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 67,047
Hi Auroraxp we will help you find that inner strength I got sober @ 31 I'm 34 now and I know you can do this
It takes hard work & the beginning is full of emotions so be on guard for that & by logging in here daily when you wake up makes all the difference
Keep reading & making posts and keep us updated - it's really nice to meet you
It takes hard work & the beginning is full of emotions so be on guard for that & by logging in here daily when you wake up makes all the difference
Keep reading & making posts and keep us updated - it's really nice to meet you
Member
Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 5,453
welcome to SR!
It would be great to get sober so young and not have to suffer anymore consequences then you already have. Alcoholism gets progressively worse as time goes by.
Can you talk to your parents about it? I am sure it would be hard to do but it may be a good start to open up to them. Or maybe your doctor if you have one? Maybe he or she could point you in the right direction.
keep posting and reading!
It would be great to get sober so young and not have to suffer anymore consequences then you already have. Alcoholism gets progressively worse as time goes by.
Can you talk to your parents about it? I am sure it would be hard to do but it may be a good start to open up to them. Or maybe your doctor if you have one? Maybe he or she could point you in the right direction.
keep posting and reading!
You'll find lots of support here and people to talk with. Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
it will ruin your life, left untreated. you CAN get sober, stay sober and lead a healthy productive life. and we have lots of tools and suggestions and shared stories of HOW others have done so. i hope you keep an open mind.
Canine Welfare Advocate
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
It's good of you to recognize, at an early age, that alcohol is ruining your life. Now the question is do you do something about it now, or wait 10 or 20 years and have that many more years of regrets and sorrow.
You may feel like you have no control in your life, but you do. Control over the choices you make, who you have a relationship with, and the direction of your life. But you have to make wiser choices.
Believe my, you do not want to be making this very same post in few years, because that is just precious time, slipping away.
Originally Posted by Auroraxp 
I guess I just feel like I have NO control in my life and what is going to happen to me.
Believe my, you do not want to be making this very same post in few years, because that is just precious time, slipping away.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2017
Posts: 125
I recommend some counselling. You're not seeing the big picture. Your BF may be a charming fella but he is also 31, living at home, no license, and broke. In 5 years he will be where? I'll tell you. Unless he starts acting responsibly and gets some help with his drinking he will be 36, living at home, no license, and broke.
Perhaps it is time for you to ask yourself what you want out of like. Then make a plan on how you achieve those goals. There are some good people on this website that can guide you but ultimately you need to put in the effort to reap the rewards.
Tonight try a hot shower and a good nights sleep for starters.
Perhaps it is time for you to ask yourself what you want out of like. Then make a plan on how you achieve those goals. There are some good people on this website that can guide you but ultimately you need to put in the effort to reap the rewards.
Tonight try a hot shower and a good nights sleep for starters.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2017
Posts: 10
Thank you everyone for the replies. It's like I know what I have to do but I am just finding such a hard time picturing my life without alcohol when it was a crutch to me since I was in my teens. I even got drunk during a few days of high school and got into cocaine in grade 12.
Alan614, I know you are right and being told the truth about it is something I don't get to hear with no close friends. I know he doesn't wish to make himself better and grow as I do. But like I said I am weak and vulnerable right now. My life is a constant cycle of 4 day benders followed by a few days off. The withdrawal and loneliness of those days off drive meach to him, wher there is always a bottle and an exciting time.
It's like I've lost all motivation and enjoyment out of everything. I've been doing this for years. I can't get out of the cycle and am not ready to see a counselor. Maybe this is not the right place for me but I wanted to talk to some people who have been through it so I have some hope there is an end in sight.
Alan614, I know you are right and being told the truth about it is something I don't get to hear with no close friends. I know he doesn't wish to make himself better and grow as I do. But like I said I am weak and vulnerable right now. My life is a constant cycle of 4 day benders followed by a few days off. The withdrawal and loneliness of those days off drive meach to him, wher there is always a bottle and an exciting time.
It's like I've lost all motivation and enjoyment out of everything. I've been doing this for years. I can't get out of the cycle and am not ready to see a counselor. Maybe this is not the right place for me but I wanted to talk to some people who have been through it so I have some hope there is an end in sight.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,505
Auroraxp, I think all of us here have felt exactly the same as you do, wondering how you would live without alcohol. The answer is that you can and you can live a happy life. Take a look around here and see what we do to make recovery happen.
Of course there is hope, and it's up to you to decide if there is an end in sight. Are you ready to stop drinking? Is there some reason you are not ready to see a counsellor? It's hard to take the step to do that, but you need to break out of the cycle.
Of course there is hope, and it's up to you to decide if there is an end in sight. Are you ready to stop drinking? Is there some reason you are not ready to see a counsellor? It's hard to take the step to do that, but you need to break out of the cycle.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2017
Posts: 10
Anna
I have been to therapists before about my alcohol use with no luck. My parents are terrible to talk to ando are judgmental without actually listening. I think I am hesitant to try counselling because I had a few sessions with my DUI classes and I disliked every therapist or counselor I have ever talked to. I also have extreme anxiety, not sure if caused by drinking but pretty sure it was there before. Has anyone here been to a psychiatrist? Also my doctor is horrible and restricts his visits to 10 minutes only.
I have been to therapists before about my alcohol use with no luck. My parents are terrible to talk to ando are judgmental without actually listening. I think I am hesitant to try counselling because I had a few sessions with my DUI classes and I disliked every therapist or counselor I have ever talked to. I also have extreme anxiety, not sure if caused by drinking but pretty sure it was there before. Has anyone here been to a psychiatrist? Also my doctor is horrible and restricts his visits to 10 minutes only.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: British columbia
Posts: 128
I have been exactly where you are right now. I was so sick of the same pattern but couldn't stop. I cant tell you what to do but for me being sober I feel so much better physically and mentally and life has fallen into place in a really good way. I hope you can find your happiness one day too
All is Change
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Australia
Posts: 1,284
You say you are easily persuaded yet no one here seems to persuade you. Your BF does. But does he really? Does he have to? Isn't it the booze that is your problem? You are addicted to alcohol.
This idea that drinking makes your life exiting is an alcohol fueled illusion and because it is, and always has been, an illusion you need more and more of that illusion in order to prop it up and reality becomes all about coping with the destruction until the next drunken episode. Thid addiction is progressive. It will never get better. It only gets worse.
There is only one sane way out of it and that is to stop drinking. Period. Than you have to learn how to live life without alcohol. Without delusions. As it is. Everyone here who has a good bit of sobriety can and do testify that it is so and sober life is far better than the delusional gradual self destruction of boozing.
This is the place to familiarise your self with how to live sober. No one can stop your drinking except you. No one can walk your sober path except you. You, like so many, can do this. I strongly recommend that you do.
This idea that drinking makes your life exiting is an alcohol fueled illusion and because it is, and always has been, an illusion you need more and more of that illusion in order to prop it up and reality becomes all about coping with the destruction until the next drunken episode. Thid addiction is progressive. It will never get better. It only gets worse.
There is only one sane way out of it and that is to stop drinking. Period. Than you have to learn how to live life without alcohol. Without delusions. As it is. Everyone here who has a good bit of sobriety can and do testify that it is so and sober life is far better than the delusional gradual self destruction of boozing.
This is the place to familiarise your self with how to live sober. No one can stop your drinking except you. No one can walk your sober path except you. You, like so many, can do this. I strongly recommend that you do.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Toronto, ON
Posts: 518
Aurora.. you are wise beyond your years and sadly been stunted in your growth by whom youve chosen to hang out with.
The mere fact you are here, speaks volumes. All of us here started where you are now, maybe in some instances much later in lufe but the signs and outcome are oh so common.
You are young, and have a relatively clean record. A whole future ahead of you - a whole lifetime to make. Continue on this path with your drowning boyfriend, and he will drag you down with him. Toss him a buoy and cut the rope.
Now.. breath. Time to start over. First you need to find a safe sanctuary - if this is at your parents then you need to stay. You need to cut off visits from any and all people who drink or drug. Go to work (to maintain a cycle), eat healthily, read and log in here for hours every free minute you have. Disconnect your phone if need be.
For the next month. You will basically live like a recluse, but it will be the best decision you can make. At one one month we will plan your next step.
The mere fact you are here, speaks volumes. All of us here started where you are now, maybe in some instances much later in lufe but the signs and outcome are oh so common.
You are young, and have a relatively clean record. A whole future ahead of you - a whole lifetime to make. Continue on this path with your drowning boyfriend, and he will drag you down with him. Toss him a buoy and cut the rope.
Now.. breath. Time to start over. First you need to find a safe sanctuary - if this is at your parents then you need to stay. You need to cut off visits from any and all people who drink or drug. Go to work (to maintain a cycle), eat healthily, read and log in here for hours every free minute you have. Disconnect your phone if need be.
For the next month. You will basically live like a recluse, but it will be the best decision you can make. At one one month we will plan your next step.
Canine Welfare Advocate
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
Originally Posted by Auroraxp
I am just finding such a hard time picturing my life without alcohol when it was a crutch to me since I was in my teens.
Probably not.
F*** the Zero
Join Date: Oct 2016
Location: London
Posts: 410
hello auroraxp, welcome to the site.
being aware of your issues at 22 and wanting to challenge them is mighty impressive. I was oblivious at that age. This is the right place for you. We have all been in your shoes with the addiction and all fight it daily.
Those times youre lonely or withdrawing do you have friends you can be with?
one of the reasons that AA is successful to many, is that in those times of loneliness, there are like minded people to reach out to, so you aren't on your own, crawling the walls and likely to crack
being aware of your issues at 22 and wanting to challenge them is mighty impressive. I was oblivious at that age. This is the right place for you. We have all been in your shoes with the addiction and all fight it daily.
Those times youre lonely or withdrawing do you have friends you can be with?
one of the reasons that AA is successful to many, is that in those times of loneliness, there are like minded people to reach out to, so you aren't on your own, crawling the walls and likely to crack
Member
Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: Adelaide, Australia
Posts: 28,669
Lots of good advice here. Get help. If you are truly serious about the effects of drinking- do something with this awareness, so rare- for one so young. A bf who also drinks heaps- red flag. See a counsellor- put a PLAN into place, luck does not happen, willpower alone never worked for me. Go to an AA meeting. Share, post, learn.
Support and empathy to you,
Support and empathy to you,
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2017
Posts: 10
Joe Cree
I know you are right. I am not trying to justify my relationship because I know it is unhealthy, manipulative and emotionally abusive. Though so good and rewarding at times not worth the abuse. The thing is we just got back together after finding out he slept at his exs house when we were together... He promised change though I am smart enough to know this will only lasthma a few months at most.
I think instead of just cutting the rope I need to slowly pick it apart... Maybe stop seeing him every day, texting and calling less. At this point I am addicted to his attention and praise.
You are right though. Though I am not as bad an alcoholic as some, only getting drunk 4/7 days a week, I am addicted to the lifestyle.
I know you are right. I am not trying to justify my relationship because I know it is unhealthy, manipulative and emotionally abusive. Though so good and rewarding at times not worth the abuse. The thing is we just got back together after finding out he slept at his exs house when we were together... He promised change though I am smart enough to know this will only lasthma a few months at most.
I think instead of just cutting the rope I need to slowly pick it apart... Maybe stop seeing him every day, texting and calling less. At this point I am addicted to his attention and praise.
You are right though. Though I am not as bad an alcoholic as some, only getting drunk 4/7 days a week, I am addicted to the lifestyle.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2017
Posts: 10
Sea of serenity
I lost most of my friends due to alcohol. I have one female friend who I usually just feel awkward around, and I did have one guy friend but he ended up making his feelings for me well known so that got weird as well. My boyfriend is the only person I feel.comfortable with and I think maybe that has something to do with him..
I lost most of my friends due to alcohol. I have one female friend who I usually just feel awkward around, and I did have one guy friend but he ended up making his feelings for me well known so that got weird as well. My boyfriend is the only person I feel.comfortable with and I think maybe that has something to do with him..
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2017
Posts: 10
Maybe I will go to a counselor. I will make a doctors appointment first but like I said my doctor only takes 10 minute appointments and I have about 3 issues I need to talk to him.about. My boyfriend also thinks therapists arent helpful and are a money grab, which after having 2 different terrible therapists I started to see his point. Maybe there is a right one out there for me though.
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