Boyfriend has choosen Drugs and Alcohol over my unborn child and I
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2017
Posts: 1
Boyfriend has choosen Drugs and Alcohol over my unborn child and I
So I've had a relationship with this boy for a little over two years now, we met at a church where we were of the same religion.
He loved me more than anything and treated me as so, he was kind and I felt very safe with him, like he would never hurt me, unlike other relationships I had, the relationship lasted blissfully like this for a little over a year.
He had big issues with his mom who he lived with at the time and he eventually moved in with my dad instead that's when he started hanging out with my brother who does drinks and does drugs and hangs out with a terrible crowd.
My boyfriend soon got swept up in that lifestyle and completely changed, lying to my constantly and starting his own addictions.
We broke up last October for about three months because of it but his sweet and longing words brought me back in December.
I got pregnant as a result in January. He didn't want a child, neither did I but for me abortion wasn't an option.
I found out a few weeks ago that he cheated on me in December while I was out of town, we broke up and this time he would ignore my texts and never try to apologize or get me back.
I gave him another chance, at the time I was really struggling with my emotions and deep love for him and the silence was killing me.
In a matter of a week after me trying my hardest to be kind and loving and forget and understand I found out he was cheating again and lying a different girl from same girl from the same group of people he was previously hanging out with. A girl, when I gave him another chance, he promised not to hang out with.
Drugs and Alcohol and partying revolve so much around this and today he said he was basically going to be choosing and wanted those things over me and our child.
It was the most devastating thing to hear and personally trying to get through this with my depression and anxiety has been a complete nightmare,
I would just like any advice, support or similar stories in this time that might help me through it.
Thanks so much for reading.
He loved me more than anything and treated me as so, he was kind and I felt very safe with him, like he would never hurt me, unlike other relationships I had, the relationship lasted blissfully like this for a little over a year.
He had big issues with his mom who he lived with at the time and he eventually moved in with my dad instead that's when he started hanging out with my brother who does drinks and does drugs and hangs out with a terrible crowd.
My boyfriend soon got swept up in that lifestyle and completely changed, lying to my constantly and starting his own addictions.
We broke up last October for about three months because of it but his sweet and longing words brought me back in December.
I got pregnant as a result in January. He didn't want a child, neither did I but for me abortion wasn't an option.
I found out a few weeks ago that he cheated on me in December while I was out of town, we broke up and this time he would ignore my texts and never try to apologize or get me back.
I gave him another chance, at the time I was really struggling with my emotions and deep love for him and the silence was killing me.
In a matter of a week after me trying my hardest to be kind and loving and forget and understand I found out he was cheating again and lying a different girl from same girl from the same group of people he was previously hanging out with. A girl, when I gave him another chance, he promised not to hang out with.
Drugs and Alcohol and partying revolve so much around this and today he said he was basically going to be choosing and wanted those things over me and our child.
It was the most devastating thing to hear and personally trying to get through this with my depression and anxiety has been a complete nightmare,
I would just like any advice, support or similar stories in this time that might help me through it.
Thanks so much for reading.
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
I'm so sorry you're having to deal with all this. It would be upsetting even if you weren't pregnant, but that has to make everything exponentially more difficult.
He's made his position pretty clear, and at this point your only real option is to work on healing from the hurt and making good choices for your and the baby's future. Do you have family support? Do you work?
Many hugs--you and the baby will get through this OK.
He's made his position pretty clear, and at this point your only real option is to work on healing from the hurt and making good choices for your and the baby's future. Do you have family support? Do you work?
Many hugs--you and the baby will get through this OK.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: Adelaide, Australia
Posts: 28,663
I am the least qualified person to give words of wisdom. BUT- stay safe, think of you and your child first. Get on the ground support- al-anon, legal aid, doctor, here- post lots.
Support and empathy to you.
Support and empathy to you.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 685
Aw, that's awful, I'm so very sorry you're dealing with this. I hope you have family support? And it sounds like you're involved with you church and that can be a huge benefit, maybe seek out help there?
You will get through this! Do what you need to prepare for your baby. Talk to a lawyer, too, because your ex is obligated to financially contribute to his child's support.
Prayers going out for you...
You will get through this! Do what you need to prepare for your baby. Talk to a lawyer, too, because your ex is obligated to financially contribute to his child's support.
Prayers going out for you...
Member
Join Date: Dec 2016
Location: undecided
Posts: 59
I'm sorry about what you are going through. This man has treated you terribly and is being callous and selfish. But with this -
- he has given you the gift of clarity, although it must be hard to see it that way right now. A lot of people here hang on for years hoping for reform from the partner or spouse. But this man's actions and his words are both clear, so you don't have to waste time expecting more from him and can move on to focus on yourself and your child.
Originally Posted by Micwbeerose 
today he said he was basically going to be choosing and wanted those things over me and our child.
Forum Leader
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 10,944
Hello rose,
I am just so sorry for what brings you here, but you are now among people who really do understand.
I wish I could give you the right words to say to get this man you love to stop using drugs and become who he was...but they don't exist. Our love is simply not enough to get our addicted loved ones sober. You and your baby, however, deserve a happy and peaceful life and have so much ahead of you. Adoption is a very loving option to consider, and there is support out there for you and your baby.
Please keep posting! Keep reading here...so much wisdom and support on SR. I hope that today has dawned perhaps just a bit brighter
I am just so sorry for what brings you here, but you are now among people who really do understand.
I wish I could give you the right words to say to get this man you love to stop using drugs and become who he was...but they don't exist. Our love is simply not enough to get our addicted loved ones sober. You and your baby, however, deserve a happy and peaceful life and have so much ahead of you. Adoption is a very loving option to consider, and there is support out there for you and your baby.
Please keep posting! Keep reading here...so much wisdom and support on SR. I hope that today has dawned perhaps just a bit brighter
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