29 weeks pregnant with alcoholic boyfriend
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Join Date: Apr 2017
Posts: 1
29 weeks pregnant with alcoholic boyfriend
Hi,
I am 29 weeks pregnant and looking for some advice. I've known my partner for 13 years, we were good friends before we started dating. We've been together for 8 months and as soon as we made our relationship official I fell pregnant.
My partner is 28 years old and a very typical young guy who hasn't really hit maturity yet. He doesn't drink every night but when he does drink he drinks until there is nothing left and will then search for alcohol. He tends to drink a lot with his mates and doesn't come home until the next day or sometimes a few days later if they continue drinking. This behaviour has cost him many jobs as he wont go to work the next day if he's hungover.
He can be quiet aggressive and sloppy when drinking but has never laid a hand on me nor do I think he would.
I knew he was a party boy before I started dating him but I didn't think that we would fall pregnant. I presumed that the further along into the pregnancy he would slow down on his drinking and mature a bit but unfortunately I am wrong.
If anything the further along I get the more he drinks and parties with the boys.
I know he loves me and I love him (this being the hard thing as I am so in love with this guy it makes it so hard to walk away)
We have had many chats and he blames his drinking and not being able to hold down a job on depression but he shows no effort to go to the dr or start seeing someone to help him with his issues.
He currently has no job and I'm working full time to support us both but says that he wants to change and he wants to be the man I need him
To be for our daughter who will be here in 10 weeks but yet he still doesn't do anything to change.
My question is, has anyone else been in a similar situation? Has there partner changed and become sober or am I just holding on to something that in the long run is going to hurt myself and my daughter more then walking away from this relationship?
I am 29 weeks pregnant and looking for some advice. I've known my partner for 13 years, we were good friends before we started dating. We've been together for 8 months and as soon as we made our relationship official I fell pregnant.
My partner is 28 years old and a very typical young guy who hasn't really hit maturity yet. He doesn't drink every night but when he does drink he drinks until there is nothing left and will then search for alcohol. He tends to drink a lot with his mates and doesn't come home until the next day or sometimes a few days later if they continue drinking. This behaviour has cost him many jobs as he wont go to work the next day if he's hungover.
He can be quiet aggressive and sloppy when drinking but has never laid a hand on me nor do I think he would.
I knew he was a party boy before I started dating him but I didn't think that we would fall pregnant. I presumed that the further along into the pregnancy he would slow down on his drinking and mature a bit but unfortunately I am wrong.
If anything the further along I get the more he drinks and parties with the boys.
I know he loves me and I love him (this being the hard thing as I am so in love with this guy it makes it so hard to walk away)
We have had many chats and he blames his drinking and not being able to hold down a job on depression but he shows no effort to go to the dr or start seeing someone to help him with his issues.
He currently has no job and I'm working full time to support us both but says that he wants to change and he wants to be the man I need him
To be for our daughter who will be here in 10 weeks but yet he still doesn't do anything to change.
My question is, has anyone else been in a similar situation? Has there partner changed and become sober or am I just holding on to something that in the long run is going to hurt myself and my daughter more then walking away from this relationship?
totfit
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Ft Collins, CO
Posts: 1,273
Lots of folks become sober, but they have to get over the idea that they can have even a nip. Unfortunately, the issue has nothing to do with a lack of maturity, though some have to go down a long hard path before it clicks that being sober is their only chance at a good life if it ever clicks. Lot's of times people point at everything else in their life as being the issue before they realize it is in fact the ingestion of alcohol that is causing everything else and not those things causing one to drink. I wish you the best, but it is up to your partner to come to terms with this. If he can't accept this and wants to drink "just a little" then it will not be good from what you have said about thus far. I wish you the best.
Sober since 10th April 2012
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Perth, Western Australia
Posts: 6,047
Hi Mel, my comment would be for you to look at his actions only, regardless of what he says. You're going to be in a vulnerable position soon with a new baby and no income. It might be a good idea to line up your support team now, because he doesn't seem capable of leaving his boy gang to look after you.
The staying away for several days is a real worry. Make your plans without him, and if he comes through, that's a bonus.
The staying away for several days is a real worry. Make your plans without him, and if he comes through, that's a bonus.
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
Regardless of what he says he's going to do, he's showing no signs of doing it, right? No interest or desire to quit hanging out with the guys or stopping drinking.
Yes, people recover, but it's generally a long road for them to even acknowledge their drinking is a serious problem and he's showing no signs of even being close to that.
Do you have family you could turn to? I'd hate to be trying to cope with new motherhood while my partner was drinking and I was the one responsible for EVERYTHING.
Yes, people recover, but it's generally a long road for them to even acknowledge their drinking is a serious problem and he's showing no signs of even being close to that.
Do you have family you could turn to? I'd hate to be trying to cope with new motherhood while my partner was drinking and I was the one responsible for EVERYTHING.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2016
Location: Wareham, Mass
Posts: 7,067
Hi, Mel. Welcome to SR.
I would recommend you learn as much about alcohol dependency as possible. There is lots of good information on this site, called stickies, that are embedded at the top of the main menu.
Your situation is, sadly, not uncommon. If you read around the Friends and Family of Alcohlics forum, you will see many similar stories. You are definitely not alone, and this site is very, very supoortive. I hope you will keep posting.
Do you have support in the form of friends and family? You will need help after your child is born.
Unfortunately, it doesn't sound to me that your significant other is ready to be a father.
He drinks too much, gets stupid when he drinks, talks about stepping up but doesn't, isn't working, and, from your post, is drinking more than he has in past.
That does not sound like someone who is ready to be a supportive partner and father.
Only you can decide your way forward. Think about what is best for your child. Good luck to you. Peace.
with kindness
I would recommend you learn as much about alcohol dependency as possible. There is lots of good information on this site, called stickies, that are embedded at the top of the main menu.
Your situation is, sadly, not uncommon. If you read around the Friends and Family of Alcohlics forum, you will see many similar stories. You are definitely not alone, and this site is very, very supoortive. I hope you will keep posting.
Do you have support in the form of friends and family? You will need help after your child is born.
Unfortunately, it doesn't sound to me that your significant other is ready to be a father.
He drinks too much, gets stupid when he drinks, talks about stepping up but doesn't, isn't working, and, from your post, is drinking more than he has in past.
That does not sound like someone who is ready to be a supportive partner and father.
Only you can decide your way forward. Think about what is best for your child. Good luck to you. Peace.
with kindness
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
he's willing to let his pregnant gf support him while he goes off and parties with the boys, sometimes not coming home for DAYS.
there are about 13 things wrong with that sentence. and not one good thing - except the mention of YOU.
anytime i hear of someone who doesn't come home "for days" i think drugs are involved. so that is a big concern. regardless of WHY it is irresponsible and shows a lack of respect.
he goes thru jobs like socks, because he doesn't care about being responsible, or doing what it takes to have a steady income. and heck why should he? he's got you to cover all that.
life isn't going to get any easy for you than it is right now. so this is when you need to make some very WISE decisions about your security, stability and safety. and you need to base those decisions on FACTS and what IS.
there are about 13 things wrong with that sentence. and not one good thing - except the mention of YOU.
anytime i hear of someone who doesn't come home "for days" i think drugs are involved. so that is a big concern. regardless of WHY it is irresponsible and shows a lack of respect.
he goes thru jobs like socks, because he doesn't care about being responsible, or doing what it takes to have a steady income. and heck why should he? he's got you to cover all that.
life isn't going to get any easy for you than it is right now. so this is when you need to make some very WISE decisions about your security, stability and safety. and you need to base those decisions on FACTS and what IS.
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