Day 14. Roller coaster emotions.
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Join Date: Apr 2017
Posts: 5
Day 14. Roller coaster emotions.
I've made it to day 14. Yesterday - we received an official discharge date for my husbands inpatient therapy. One more week and I can bring him home.
Obviously I am so excited and anxious to see him (it will be 20 days of completion at time of discharge), but I'm also worried that it will be awkward between us because its been so long since we have seen each other. I've been feeling a lot of roller coaster emotions lately - going from sad, angry, abandoned, 'in the dark', and happy all within a days time. I've been trying to journal more so I'm not keeping everything in.
We've been told that we will have to have a big sit down together and just get everything out (what has happened, how he feels, how I feel, how do we move forward, etc).
Lately, when we get to talk every day for 10 minutes, he sounds so great and the updates I receive is that he has done so well and continues to do so. But then I start to feel so guilty because I start feeling like "why couldn't he open up to me?" It's taken thousands of dollars plus strangers and he just opens right up to them and tells them everything. What about me? I want to know. I want him to open up to me. I feel angry. I feel scared that he's going to come back changed so much that he won't want me anymore, or what if I don't want him?
I'm going to my first alanon meeting tomorrow - it's time to give it a try.
Obviously I am so excited and anxious to see him (it will be 20 days of completion at time of discharge), but I'm also worried that it will be awkward between us because its been so long since we have seen each other. I've been feeling a lot of roller coaster emotions lately - going from sad, angry, abandoned, 'in the dark', and happy all within a days time. I've been trying to journal more so I'm not keeping everything in.
We've been told that we will have to have a big sit down together and just get everything out (what has happened, how he feels, how I feel, how do we move forward, etc).
Lately, when we get to talk every day for 10 minutes, he sounds so great and the updates I receive is that he has done so well and continues to do so. But then I start to feel so guilty because I start feeling like "why couldn't he open up to me?" It's taken thousands of dollars plus strangers and he just opens right up to them and tells them everything. What about me? I want to know. I want him to open up to me. I feel angry. I feel scared that he's going to come back changed so much that he won't want me anymore, or what if I don't want him?
I'm going to my first alanon meeting tomorrow - it's time to give it a try.
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Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Western US
Posts: 8,999
So glad to hear you are going to give Alanon a try. Please attend it several times and try some different groups if you don't like the first one. Alanon doesn't work for everyone but does for a lot.
I remember when my Qualifier decided to get sober. I thought we would do it together but I realized this wasn't how it was going to work. Now I understand the taking-care -of-your-own-side-of-the-street concept but I didn't then.
Keep posting dss.
I remember when my Qualifier decided to get sober. I thought we would do it together but I realized this wasn't how it was going to work. Now I understand the taking-care -of-your-own-side-of-the-street concept but I didn't then.
Keep posting dss.
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Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 3,699
But then I start to feel so guilty because I start feeling like "why couldn't he open up to me?" It's taken thousands of dollars plus strangers and he just opens right up to them and tells them everything. What about me? I want to know. I want him to open up to me.
THe same goes for your problems by the way
I'm going to my first alanon meeting tomorrow - it's time to give it a try.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
It's taken thousands of dollars plus strangers and he just opens right up to them and tells them everything. What about me?
because they are the experts in dealing with his special brand of problems.
and you are not his therapist. not your role. we're are talking deep seated issues that far precede you, and are best handled with those skilled in the field. and in the companionship of other addicts who bear the same scars.
20 days apart is NOT that long. it just seems like it, especially when two people have perhaps become enmeshed. he isn't Gulliver returning from his travels after five years.
you're going to have to just play it all by ear. expect little, and take care of yourself!
because they are the experts in dealing with his special brand of problems.
and you are not his therapist. not your role. we're are talking deep seated issues that far precede you, and are best handled with those skilled in the field. and in the companionship of other addicts who bear the same scars.
20 days apart is NOT that long. it just seems like it, especially when two people have perhaps become enmeshed. he isn't Gulliver returning from his travels after five years.
you're going to have to just play it all by ear. expect little, and take care of yourself!
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