Social Occasion Survival Guide
Administrator
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,439
Social Occasion Survival Guide
Some of you will remember the Thanksgiving Survival Guide from the blog Crying Our Now...that blog has disappeared, although I see they have a FB page now.
I'd like to put their tips here - I think they're great for all social occasions, not just Thanksgiving
* Think ahead. Is it hard for you to be around alcohol? Be honest with yourself. Now is not a time for heroics.
* Keep your expectations realistic: if it is going to be too difficult, maybe this year is a time to do something different for Thanksgiving/Xmas. 4th July/Festival/etc.
* Don't set yourself up to fail. You can spend a quiet time at home watching movies or hanging out with other friends, volunteer at a shelter serving food, or go to a meeting instead.
* Get togethers are usually about family. If there are people in your family who trigger you, be ready. You don't have to go to every fight you're invited to .. plan what you'll say or do if someone gives you a hard time.
* Have safe people to call - program their numbers into your phone in advance, and tell them you're going to call if things get tough. If everyone around you is drinking and it starts to bring you down, talking to someone else who is sober helps you remember that you are NOT alone. You can of course use SR 24/7
* Bring your own beverages. This is especially important if you're going to be around people who don't know you're sober. If you always have a drink in your hand, people won't hand you alcohol or ask if you want something to drink.
* You don't have to over explain. If someone is pressuring you to drink, be ready with an answer. A white lie is totally acceptable - tell people you're on antibiotics, or you're watching your calories and so you aren't drinking.
* Have an escape plan. If you can, bring your own car. Plan to go for a post-turkey walk - fresh air and exercise will get your endorphins flowing and help tamp down cravings.
* Plan your exit in advance. If everyone is going to settle in and drink and you don't want to be part of it ... don't. Tell whoever is hosting that you have to leave at a certain time so you don't get drawn in to staying longer than you want to.
* Remember to be proud of yourself - shame and guilt are huge triggers. Give yourself credit for staying strong.
* Think about the next morning, when you'll wake up hangover-free and rested. Think about how horribly you felt the morning after drinking, and how sober you don't wake up and think, "I wish I drank last night."
* Think through the drink. If you start romancing how nice "one drink" would be, remember how many times you told yourself you were only going to have one and failed. Having one is harder than having none, because once alcohol is in your system the obsession comes alive.
* Remind yourself that Thanksgiving/Xmas. Easter etc is just one day. A simple 24 hours, just like any other day. Don't put more importance on this day over any other.
*Go to bed. If the day is harder than you expected, go to bed early just to put the day to rest. Tomorrow is a new day.
* Believe in yourself. Getting sober and staying sober takes serious guts - you are brave and strong and true. If guilt, shame and remorse start talking to you, remind yourself that it's your disease sneaking in the back door. Let your sober voice ring loud and proud in your head.
* Forgive yourself for wanting to drink. Don't expect that you won't be hit with a craving; it's natural. Prepare for how you're going to handle the craving instead of berating yourself for having one.
* Be grateful. make a gratitude list and carry it with you. Try to focus on the gifts you have in your life, all the possibilities that lie in front of you, instead of all the things you can't have. Sober, you can do anything.
adapted from
https://web.archive.org/web/20160817...val-guide.html
D
I'd like to put their tips here - I think they're great for all social occasions, not just Thanksgiving
* Think ahead. Is it hard for you to be around alcohol? Be honest with yourself. Now is not a time for heroics.
* Keep your expectations realistic: if it is going to be too difficult, maybe this year is a time to do something different for Thanksgiving/Xmas. 4th July/Festival/etc.
* Don't set yourself up to fail. You can spend a quiet time at home watching movies or hanging out with other friends, volunteer at a shelter serving food, or go to a meeting instead.
* Get togethers are usually about family. If there are people in your family who trigger you, be ready. You don't have to go to every fight you're invited to .. plan what you'll say or do if someone gives you a hard time.
* Have safe people to call - program their numbers into your phone in advance, and tell them you're going to call if things get tough. If everyone around you is drinking and it starts to bring you down, talking to someone else who is sober helps you remember that you are NOT alone. You can of course use SR 24/7
* Bring your own beverages. This is especially important if you're going to be around people who don't know you're sober. If you always have a drink in your hand, people won't hand you alcohol or ask if you want something to drink.
* You don't have to over explain. If someone is pressuring you to drink, be ready with an answer. A white lie is totally acceptable - tell people you're on antibiotics, or you're watching your calories and so you aren't drinking.
* Have an escape plan. If you can, bring your own car. Plan to go for a post-turkey walk - fresh air and exercise will get your endorphins flowing and help tamp down cravings.
* Plan your exit in advance. If everyone is going to settle in and drink and you don't want to be part of it ... don't. Tell whoever is hosting that you have to leave at a certain time so you don't get drawn in to staying longer than you want to.
* Remember to be proud of yourself - shame and guilt are huge triggers. Give yourself credit for staying strong.
* Think about the next morning, when you'll wake up hangover-free and rested. Think about how horribly you felt the morning after drinking, and how sober you don't wake up and think, "I wish I drank last night."
* Think through the drink. If you start romancing how nice "one drink" would be, remember how many times you told yourself you were only going to have one and failed. Having one is harder than having none, because once alcohol is in your system the obsession comes alive.
* Remind yourself that Thanksgiving/Xmas. Easter etc is just one day. A simple 24 hours, just like any other day. Don't put more importance on this day over any other.
*Go to bed. If the day is harder than you expected, go to bed early just to put the day to rest. Tomorrow is a new day.
* Believe in yourself. Getting sober and staying sober takes serious guts - you are brave and strong and true. If guilt, shame and remorse start talking to you, remind yourself that it's your disease sneaking in the back door. Let your sober voice ring loud and proud in your head.
* Forgive yourself for wanting to drink. Don't expect that you won't be hit with a craving; it's natural. Prepare for how you're going to handle the craving instead of berating yourself for having one.
* Be grateful. make a gratitude list and carry it with you. Try to focus on the gifts you have in your life, all the possibilities that lie in front of you, instead of all the things you can't have. Sober, you can do anything.
adapted from
https://web.archive.org/web/20160817...val-guide.html
D
Blue Belt
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Soberville, USA
Posts: 4,174
I always enjoy the food more now. I also love to socialize w other sober folks. It is almost an unspoken unity.
Many folks not drinking have been educated, one way or another, about booze.
Thanks.
Many folks not drinking have been educated, one way or another, about booze.
Thanks.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Oregon, West Coast, U.S.
Posts: 393
All very good points. Some of these resonate with me more than others, so I'm gonna jot those down in my notes to refer back to. There is so much good advice here! I'm just on day 4 now, and I'm starting to fall back a little. End of this week is almost here, and I must have a plan for this weekend. I'm gonna start with:
1. Laundry 2. Organizing upstairs and landing 3. Clean out the car 4. Work on April & May lesson planning
5. Start planning May birthday party (sans alcohol), easy to b/c it's a kid's party.
6. Get together with friends on Sunday for park or museum 7. Keep reading my book and posting here 8. Keep in contact with supportive people.
That seems like a lot, and is only about a quarter of what I actually need to get done. 😳😳😳
1. Laundry 2. Organizing upstairs and landing 3. Clean out the car 4. Work on April & May lesson planning
5. Start planning May birthday party (sans alcohol), easy to b/c it's a kid's party.
6. Get together with friends on Sunday for park or museum 7. Keep reading my book and posting here 8. Keep in contact with supportive people.
That seems like a lot, and is only about a quarter of what I actually need to get done. 😳😳😳
That bell or bike person
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: london
Posts: 4,978
An escape plan and the car is great but make sure you don't become the nominated driver for a drunk or drunks who will want to stay.
Don't put anything between yourself and your sobriety and that includes obligations to people who with the best will in the world don't understand what your going through .
m
Don't put anything between yourself and your sobriety and that includes obligations to people who with the best will in the world don't understand what your going through .
m
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 6,902
Originally Posted by mecanix 
An escape plan and the car is great but make sure you don't become the nominated driver for a drunk or drunks who will want to stay.
Don't put anything between yourself and your sobriety and that includes obligations to people who with the best will in the world don't understand what your going through .
m
Don't put anything between yourself and your sobriety and that includes obligations to people who with the best will in the world don't understand what your going through .
m
I've banned my partner of many years from my car after any more than 4 beers now because he is rage-inducing to get in there, and even more rage-inducing to have in there. (How someone who can barely walk or talk can be so astute regarding what gear I should be in or when I should or shouldn't have the indicator on is beyond me, and that's without even considering the occasion he had the paranoid heeby-jeebies because he thought I was taking him somewhere other than home. Doh).
Guest
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 8,674
Great post and good reminders for all of us, even with a couple years and change of sobriety like me!
The first times for a lot of things had varied stress for me- I would add to the list above that it is ok to be very slow in doing any "public" activity which includes family events! When I say slow, I mean things like my first out of town trip was with my now husband when I was nine months sober. We made deliberate plans to join my family at Thanksgiving lunch but like someone said had a co e on time and only stay a little after plan. First party at 14 mo....wedding at 18 mo....we even chose to celebrate Christmas by ourselves last year bc of the drama and stress that had resurfaced.
Every decision I made was to protect my emotional sobriety and centredness, once the maintenance of daily sobriety was on solid ground. I have never regretted a decline, waking up sober, or hearing about things later!
Take care all- hard to believe holidays are among us again!
The first times for a lot of things had varied stress for me- I would add to the list above that it is ok to be very slow in doing any "public" activity which includes family events! When I say slow, I mean things like my first out of town trip was with my now husband when I was nine months sober. We made deliberate plans to join my family at Thanksgiving lunch but like someone said had a co e on time and only stay a little after plan. First party at 14 mo....wedding at 18 mo....we even chose to celebrate Christmas by ourselves last year bc of the drama and stress that had resurfaced.
Every decision I made was to protect my emotional sobriety and centredness, once the maintenance of daily sobriety was on solid ground. I have never regretted a decline, waking up sober, or hearing about things later!
Take care all- hard to believe holidays are among us again!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2018
Posts: 24
Great advice
This is excellent and will never get old. 
when I see those drinks getting handed out it’s time to get out of the situation. Lucky for me, a majority of both sides of the families know my path of destruction when I add alcohol to my already insane head. Sponsor, call another alcoholic, meetings, limited time with others.
when I see those drinks getting handed out it’s time to get out of the situation. Lucky for me, a majority of both sides of the families know my path of destruction when I add alcohol to my already insane head. Sponsor, call another alcoholic, meetings, limited time with others.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Phoenix
Posts: 1,189
Thank you for the wonderful post Dee! I often use the going to bed early tip, and even added a small TV in my bedroom for such occasions. There's just something special about cuddling up in bed with a dish of ice cream and a good comedy!!
Have a blessed holiday everyone
Have a blessed holiday everyone
Guest
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 8,674
Just my friendly annual reminder that "No" is always an OK answer. The rest is excellent if you do choose to go and do - but to me, no invitation or person (no matter how dear, etc) is worth losing my sobriety.
Happy Holidays all!
Happy Holidays all!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2017
Location: Right here, right now
Posts: 3,973
Me too, Wildflower! Except my treat is extra buttery popcorn .
I also go to bed early anyway so that excuse works great for me. I need my precious sleep
Agree with August. In early sobriety, we often think we have to go to great lengths to explain ourselves and why we are not drinking. I’ve found most people are so consumed with themselves, especially when drinking, that they don’t even care. Those who ask the most questions are often the ones questioning their own drinking patterns.
It doesn’t matter anyway. All that matters is sobriety.
Happy holidays everyone!
. I also go to bed early anyway so that excuse works great for me. I need my precious sleep
Agree with August. In early sobriety, we often think we have to go to great lengths to explain ourselves and why we are not drinking. I’ve found most people are so consumed with themselves, especially when drinking, that they don’t even care. Those who ask the most questions are often the ones questioning their own drinking patterns.
It doesn’t matter anyway. All that matters is sobriety.
Happy holidays everyone!
Guest
Join Date: Jul 2017
Posts: 1,271
Thank you Dee and everyone else who has added to this helpful list. :-)
I'd like to add something that I found to be helpful. Back in the days when I drank and lived in a facade, I was always the one so concerned with how I looked (clothes/hair/makeup), I was outgoing, extroverted, a social butterfly. Nowadays if I am at a holiday get together, I try to always have a flavored sparkling water in my hand, and I try to people watch. I never did that before. I hate making small talk but will try to ask the person questions to get them talking about themselves. Sometimes I find I still focus way too much on the food to calm my nerves and use as a distraction. But I have to say, when I am able to sit back and just quietly observe and people watch, I have a much better, calmer time just taking it all in from the stands so to speak.
My favorite tip is to have something verbally prepared if a family member says or does something to trigger you. I remember my therapist and I discussing this a few years ago and I found it helpful. For example, if a family member brings up something that is obviously an uncomfortable subject, just smile and calmly say "I don't feel like talking about that now" and change the subject.
I'd like to add something that I found to be helpful. Back in the days when I drank and lived in a facade, I was always the one so concerned with how I looked (clothes/hair/makeup), I was outgoing, extroverted, a social butterfly. Nowadays if I am at a holiday get together, I try to always have a flavored sparkling water in my hand, and I try to people watch. I never did that before. I hate making small talk but will try to ask the person questions to get them talking about themselves. Sometimes I find I still focus way too much on the food to calm my nerves and use as a distraction. But I have to say, when I am able to sit back and just quietly observe and people watch, I have a much better, calmer time just taking it all in from the stands so to speak.
My favorite tip is to have something verbally prepared if a family member says or does something to trigger you. I remember my therapist and I discussing this a few years ago and I found it helpful. For example, if a family member brings up something that is obviously an uncomfortable subject, just smile and calmly say "I don't feel like talking about that now" and change the subject.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Europe
Posts: 440
Thanks D, but what do I do with point #4 though (call someone), when I have phonophobia... Sober or not, I just can't dial those numbers.
It's as easy as saying ["Siri/Alexa/'Hey Google'"], "call my mom".
But not with inhibitions.
It's as easy as saying ["Siri/Alexa/'Hey Google'"], "call my mom".
But not with inhibitions.
Administrator
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,439
Its not my list originally, Polaroid - I have problems with phones too.
Thankfully there's a lot of other ways to connect with folks now, like texting, SR and other social media
D.
Thankfully there's a lot of other ways to connect with folks now, like texting, SR and other social media
D.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Europe
Posts: 440
It's ironic, D, but text is even worse than phones. I prefer face to face interactions ... then you can read a gazillionth more signals a voice or text doesn't.
Tried it tonight, playing cards with someone I knew was susceptible. I "accidentally" asked if the trump card was something else than it really was. Her reaction to that was immediate - "No, it's hearts". So, looking at her eye movements, it was apparently evident of the few cards she had, she had more than just a few hearts.
Tried it tonight, playing cards with someone I knew was susceptible. I "accidentally" asked if the trump card was something else than it really was. Her reaction to that was immediate - "No, it's hearts". So, looking at her eye movements, it was apparently evident of the few cards she had, she had more than just a few hearts.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
