ThatWasTheOldMe

Was anyone else like Jekyll and Hyde when they were drinking / using? As a (now former) binge drinker, once I got to blackout mode, I was not a very nice person. I would turn into an internet jerk (never one for leaving my room while on a binge), especially on Facebook, and it was always very public. It's like I was sabotaging myself when I got into that state, and then I would come out of it and sit there in terror as I read the damage from the day before.

I have a lot of shame and anxiety all day every day. Apologizing to people isn't really on the radar. I feel like it will be seen as an empty gesture.

Oh how I wish I could say I'm 6+ months sober right now. Because the last 5 months or so have been me constantly making a ****ing idiot out of myself.

ThatWasTheOldMe

I'm a nice guy when I'm sober, maybe a little quiet. But people think drunk me is the real me and it most certainly is not.

badger257

I can relate to this for sure. The only difference was that Jeckyl could tell what Hyde was going to be be like when he was there. With me, I had no idea who I was going to be one blackout to the next. From the complete a**hole, to the sad guy, to the funny guy, to the etc....... I have definitely said and done plenty of things that I wish I could apologize for, but as the old saying goes. You can't get to where your going if your looking in the rear view mirror.

queenofheartz09

I was this way also. I am a very nice friendly person but sometimes (most times) when I drink I just let out everything bad I think but don't say while sober. I have hurt a lot of peoples feelings. I have made a fool of my self countless times because I have no filter and just say and do whatever I want. Thankfully I have forgiving friends but I just cant do that behavior anymore I also get tons of anxiety the next day about what I did or said so for me its just best not to ever drink.

ThatWasTheOldMe

This is me. You said what I couldn't put into words. Thank you.

Forward12

For sure the same here. I'm a fairly passive person sober, but when I would get drunk facebook was not a place i should have been. I constantly would be posting smart*ssed and hurtful things all over people's pages for who knows what reason, besides being a drunken idiot. Had many times an explaining to do and lost quite a few friends as well from my drunken facebook stupidity.

DontRemember

I think anyone who drinks to black out status has done/said things that are out of character. Sometimes when I was in that mode I'd be verbally abusive to others. looking back I wasn't even mad at them, I was mad at myself for either getting that drunk,money I spent,ect.. These were their fault,not mine. Oh the lies we drunks tell ourselves.

tomsteve

at one time my fiancé told me,"when youre sober youre the most loving man I have ever know, but sometimes when you drink you can be evil."
eventually that turned to,"when youre sober youre the most loving man I have ever known, but when youre drinking youre nothing but evil."
eventually that turned to,"when youre drinking youre nothing but evil, and now its happening a lot when youre not drinking."

2ndhandrose

Yep, I can totally relate

Would I snap with rage, would I turn into a sloppy, wailing mess, would I pass out in public, would I accidentally injure myself, or worse someone else, (that happened once). I never knew, yet I continued for years, believing that the next time would be different, that I wouldn't "let" myself blackout or do stupid things.

I am so happy to have the unpredictable, embarrassing, ridiculous mess that I was, in my past.

ScottFromWI

I was a fairly passive/solitary drinker although I certainly did some embarassing/shameful things when I was drunk.

Regarding your comment above, apologizing isn't really an effective gesture anyway. Taking action and living a sober life is the only really effective solution. And even after 6 months it's not a magic cure - it took years for me to gain back the trust of some. The real key for me though is to be honest. Be honest with yourself first and foremost, and then in turn with others. They will notice over time.

merz77

☝️this,

Nearly all of it.

Shameful.

thomas11

About 15 years ago I was not on any anti-depressants and when I got drunk it was like rolling the dice as to who I'd turn into. I had anger issues and a temper. I started taking anti depressants for that very reason, to chill me out...and it worked. When I drank after that, I was usually pretty tame. Its nice not having to worry about any of it now.

SteveAlex

Yes I did the same. Checking my fb messages the next day was always fearful. Glad I havent had to do that for a week now. My wife also says I am two different people. The sober one she loves and the drunk one who is not me that she hates.