Day 5 - Porn as a trigger (no adult content and wisdom appreciated)
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Join Date: Jul 2016
Posts: 36
Day 5 - Porn as a trigger (no adult content and wisdom appreciated)
Context: I am a guy.
Thankfully I feel open enough to discuss this in this forum and I am hoping that no-one is offended by this post.
However, it is helpful to air this and get feedback.
So I am doing okay. Yesterday was day 5 but only got to post today.
Now I have noticed a pattern. When I get tired or overwhelmed or triggers start to appear (family, finances etc) there is a cycle that I move into which shifts into watching porn online.
It has always been the beginning of a trigger.
Of course we are all sexual beings and I don't have an issue with porn per se but I do have an issue in this context.
I know that if I fall into watching porn then it could be the start of the trigger and then I get all worked up. However, porn in itself is not really an issue, is it?
I would love your honest thoughts on this.
Would be welcome to hearing from guys and their experience/wisdom.
So yesterday that's what happened... I watched porn... I didn't drink and I close my browser down quickly for fear of sliding and slipping again.
It's also worth nothing that my context is a Christian one, I was brought up with a heightened sense of what was "of the devil" which probably plays in the back of my mind somewhere too!
Thankfully I feel open enough to discuss this in this forum and I am hoping that no-one is offended by this post.
However, it is helpful to air this and get feedback.
So I am doing okay. Yesterday was day 5 but only got to post today.
Now I have noticed a pattern. When I get tired or overwhelmed or triggers start to appear (family, finances etc) there is a cycle that I move into which shifts into watching porn online.
It has always been the beginning of a trigger.
Of course we are all sexual beings and I don't have an issue with porn per se but I do have an issue in this context.
I know that if I fall into watching porn then it could be the start of the trigger and then I get all worked up. However, porn in itself is not really an issue, is it?
I would love your honest thoughts on this.
Would be welcome to hearing from guys and their experience/wisdom.
So yesterday that's what happened... I watched porn... I didn't drink and I close my browser down quickly for fear of sliding and slipping again.
It's also worth nothing that my context is a Christian one, I was brought up with a heightened sense of what was "of the devil" which probably plays in the back of my mind somewhere too!
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,432
I had a void in me I tried to fill with all kinds of 'stuff'.
I understand you're not looking for a moral judgement, and I won't give you one - but if you're engaging in behaviour that you know is addictive or you fear it may get to be that way, it makes sense to stop that behaviour now before you end up with a new problem?
D
I understand you're not looking for a moral judgement, and I won't give you one - but if you're engaging in behaviour that you know is addictive or you fear it may get to be that way, it makes sense to stop that behaviour now before you end up with a new problem?
D
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2016
Posts: 36
Thank you for your comment and totally appreciate it.
My questions are really around is porn wrong or is it perfectly natural as long as it doesn't constitute an addiction? (It's an interesting question as I only know what my religion told me!)
However, I totally agree in terms of a causal link in that a drink could be replaced by porn if I am not careful.
My questions are really around is porn wrong or is it perfectly natural as long as it doesn't constitute an addiction? (It's an interesting question as I only know what my religion told me!)
However, I totally agree in terms of a causal link in that a drink could be replaced by porn if I am not careful.
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Join Date: Jul 2016
Posts: 36
No, absolutely not at all. I think I am more trying to understand what is "normal".
My Christian upbringing told me that any sexual thought was wrong whatsoever (basically). So, no I am not looking for permission from everyone for me to look at porn I am more stating that I am trying to understand where the sliding scale of addiction starts and ends!
My Christian upbringing told me that any sexual thought was wrong whatsoever (basically). So, no I am not looking for permission from everyone for me to look at porn I am more stating that I am trying to understand where the sliding scale of addiction starts and ends!
AA Member
Join Date: Mar 2016
Location: Silicon Valley
Posts: 2,977
great honesty Melbourne ... refreshing actually
i dont even need the pron ... all i have to do i see my neighbors daughter and bam ... my brain is stinkin thinkin
as an alcoholic the most natural normal thing in the world is to want to change the way i feel with alcohol/ drugs or whatever
the good news is that God working thru AA provides a solution
meetings
sponsor
steps
service to others
higher power
grats on 5 days
i dont even need the pron ... all i have to do i see my neighbors daughter and bam ... my brain is stinkin thinkin
as an alcoholic the most natural normal thing in the world is to want to change the way i feel with alcohol/ drugs or whatever
the good news is that God working thru AA provides a solution
meetings
sponsor
steps
service to others
higher power
grats on 5 days
Trudgin
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 6,348
Being self indulgent is never good for me as it pulls me away from the light I seek. Certainly there are clouds that darken the path we must be aware of. Recovery for me has many facets over and above removing alcohol. I try to live a better life as my conscious leads me. I've been that other guy and try to make decisions that are better for all - personally and for the world at large the best I can.
Mostly I have browser honesty today and don't live in fear of what others could find. My life is much more honest though this is progressive certainly. I claim no halo.
Mostly I have browser honesty today and don't live in fear of what others could find. My life is much more honest though this is progressive certainly. I claim no halo.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 10,912
I am not Christian and my perspective is from my own life. For me sex or porn don't cause problems (means I can engage without overdoing and guilt) and it does not even occur to me to assume they are wrong within my values and the values of those connected to me. I would say if it's not harmful for you or others related to you, or you don't use them as escape and distraction excessively, then it's probably not a problem. However, you described it yourself as "trigger" in the thread title. Trigger for what? If it's linked to something else harmful, then it's probably worth taking a look at it.
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Join Date: Jul 2016
Posts: 36
Originally Posted by Fly N Buy 
Being self indulgent is never good for me as it pulls me away from the light I seek. Certainly there are clouds that darken the path we must be aware of. Recovery for me has many facets over and above removing alcohol. I try to live a better life as my conscious leads me. I've been that other guy and try to make decisions that are better for all - personally and for the world at large the best I can.
Mostly I have browser honesty today and don't live in fear of what others could find. My life is much more honest though this is progressive certainly. I claim no halo.
Mostly I have browser honesty today and don't live in fear of what others could find. My life is much more honest though this is progressive certainly. I claim no halo.
browser honesty - I love this.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2016
Posts: 36
Originally Posted by january161992
great honesty Melbourne ... refreshing actually
i dont even need the pron ... all i have to do i see my neighbors daughter and bam ... my brain is stinkin thinkin
as an alcoholic the most natural normal thing in the world is to want to change the way i feel with alcohol/ drugs or whatever
the good news is that God working thru AA provides a solution
meetings
sponsor
steps
service to others
higher power
grats on 5 days
i dont even need the pron ... all i have to do i see my neighbors daughter and bam ... my brain is stinkin thinkin
as an alcoholic the most natural normal thing in the world is to want to change the way i feel with alcohol/ drugs or whatever
the good news is that God working thru AA provides a solution
meetings
sponsor
steps
service to others
higher power
grats on 5 days
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2016
Posts: 36
Originally Posted by Aellyce
I am not Christian and my perspective is from my own life. For me sex or porn don't cause problems (means I can engage without overdoing and guilt) and it does not even occur to me to assume they are wrong within my values and the values of those connected to me. I would say if it's not harmful for you or others related to you, or you don't use them as escape and distraction excessively, then it's probably not a problem. However, you described it yourself as "trigger" in the thread title. Trigger for what? If it's linked to something else harmful, then it's probably worth taking a look at it.
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Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
Originally Posted by MelbourneHelp
...it's more that I have noticed an association that if I a not careful can lead to a drink.
I tell newcomers all the time that recovery is more than not drinking, that there are a whole lot of behaviors and associations that have to change. For some it's football, or the weekly bbq, or hunting or whatever, that they used to do while drinking, or that they associate with drinking. If porn is that for you, you have to stop...for that reason only. Your recovery.
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Join Date: Jul 2016
Posts: 36
Originally Posted by doggonecarl
It isn't about if porn is right or wrong, okay or normal. It's what you've noted above. There's an association with drinking.
I tell newcomers all the time that recovery is more than not drinking, that there are a whole lot of behaviors and associations that have to change. For some it's football, or the weekly bbq, or hunting or whatever, that they used to do while drinking, or that they associate with drinking. If porn is that for you, you have to stop...for that reason only. Your recovery.
I tell newcomers all the time that recovery is more than not drinking, that there are a whole lot of behaviors and associations that have to change. For some it's football, or the weekly bbq, or hunting or whatever, that they used to do while drinking, or that they associate with drinking. If porn is that for you, you have to stop...for that reason only. Your recovery.
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Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Toronto, Canada,
Posts: 1,242
For myself, I don't find porn leads to drinking, it will be some other reason. I do find that when I drank, the drink leads me to watch porn. Its all I prefer watching online. When I am not drinking or hungover, I don't have an interest in watching porn and rarely do.
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Join Date: Mar 2017
Location: UK
Posts: 1,543
Originally Posted by Dee74
I had a void in me I tried to fill with all kinds of 'stuff'.
Drinking can be associated with filling a void that then leads to other destructive behaviour. Or other destructive behaviour (in order to fill that void we feel) can act as a trigger to other destructive behaviour (in the OP's case drinking).
It's all part of that psyche of trying to 'find meaning', block out reality, be 'somewhere else' etc...
Well that's the best way I can describe my alcoholism and associated actions....
I don't go in for the whole morality argument on porn or many other things really as long as:
a) You're not hurting yourself
b) You're not hurting others
In the absence of those 'crimes' then, as far as morals are concerned (not addiction), then I don't take a view
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Join Date: Oct 2016
Location: CA
Posts: 1,060
Originally Posted by doggonecarl
It isn't about if porn is right or wrong, okay or normal. It's what you've noted above. There's an association with drinking.
I tell newcomers all the time that recovery is more than not drinking, that there are a whole lot of behaviors and associations that have to change. For some it's football, or the weekly bbq, or hunting or whatever, that they used to do while drinking, or that they associate with drinking. If porn is that for you, you have to stop...for that reason only. Your recovery.
I tell newcomers all the time that recovery is more than not drinking, that there are a whole lot of behaviors and associations that have to change. For some it's football, or the weekly bbq, or hunting or whatever, that they used to do while drinking, or that they associate with drinking. If porn is that for you, you have to stop...for that reason only. Your recovery.
Wish I was in Norfolk, VA. I would ask you to sponsor me immediately.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 3,550
Sounds to me like the AV at work. It's the more primitive "jungle" part of the brain. "Me Tarzan! You Jane!" The question is not whether it's "moral". The reality is that it's there and what to do about it. How about getting lots of exercise, handball, racquetball- whatever. Don't let the AV use the porn (misnamed "adult" film!) set you up for a binge. Realize that there's always a tiger watching your back, plotting how to get a binge going.
W.
W.
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Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
When I get tired or overwhelmed or triggers start to appear (family, finances etc) there is a cycle that I move into which shifts into watching porn online.
couple things here.....you are "using" porn as an escape when things get overwhelming, instead of just dealing with whatever it is that is bugging you. escapism IS a problem for addicts.
you are concerned because often the porn watching leads to drinking or to the desire to drink. as such, if you do not WANT to drink, it's best to shut down any activity that will take you there. stop riding that bus.
thirdly, the sooner you start taking the TRIGGER label OFF of stuff, the easier time you will have. cuz what ARE triggers really? things we used as an EXCUSE to drink.
couple things here.....you are "using" porn as an escape when things get overwhelming, instead of just dealing with whatever it is that is bugging you. escapism IS a problem for addicts.
you are concerned because often the porn watching leads to drinking or to the desire to drink. as such, if you do not WANT to drink, it's best to shut down any activity that will take you there. stop riding that bus.
thirdly, the sooner you start taking the TRIGGER label OFF of stuff, the easier time you will have. cuz what ARE triggers really? things we used as an EXCUSE to drink.
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Join Date: May 2014
Posts: 2,950
Pornography isn't by definition healthy, it is a powerful drug that many people become addicted to. Sex is healthy in a certain context, but sensuality as an escape from real life is never a healthy coping mechanism. Of course once you tap in to that part of your brain, it's going to be in that testosterone fueled mentality of "If it feels good, do it harder".
If you think something is a gateway for you to be more susceptible to drink again, then you should avoid it. It's not something you need to do.
If you think something is a gateway for you to be more susceptible to drink again, then you should avoid it. It's not something you need to do.
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