Recently dumped by cocaine addict bf
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2017
Posts: 1
Recently dumped by cocaine addict bf
I hope some addicts reply to this too. I was with my boyfriend for almost 3 years. He has always drank and smoked weed, but started using cocaine daily for the last 9 months. It was hard for me to know at first. He was highly functioning, never was late for work, always paid his bills, etc. his nose started to run and he lost weight, so I "looked" and found out the truth. He admitted it and said he would take steps to get clean. He said he was in trouble and did not want to lose me over this. I never saw him take any steps, so we started fighting over stupid things the last 3 months. He broke up with me and said I am never happy and we fight too much. Since then, in a month's time, he has told all his friends and family and has stopped cocaine. I believe him because I've seen him stop alcohol cold turkey. We have had zero contact. He's dating someone new. I guess what I am stuck on is, why did he not even mention the cociane being a contributing factor to the break up? Also, why not get clean during the relationship? Why start the day he breaks up with me? I feel like I just invested all this time, love, and support for him to be his best self for someone else and he peaced out over some stupid fight that wasn't even about cocaine?
Canine Welfare Advocate
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
Originally Posted by loveforanaddict 
Since then, in a month's time, he has told all his friends and family and has stopped cocaine. I believe him because I've seen him stop alcohol cold turkey.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
the coke WAS a big part of the problem and the eventual destruction of the relationship. regardless, the way he ended things tells you all you need to know about his CHARACTER. he's moved on to someone else, just like that.
consider yourself lucky to be out.
consider yourself lucky to be out.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 5,103
Since then, in a month's time, he has told all his friends and family and has stopped cocaine. I believe him because I've seen him stop alcohol cold turkey.
And I'm sure this new girl is saying "well he just drinks and smokes weed"........and the same/similar story replays all over again with a different leading lady.
Be great full that is was only 3 years of your life!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2017
Posts: 38
I am sorry to read about your experience, sending lots of love and positive vibes.
There's a better future ahead of you, one that you can make yourself without the worry and the trouble you've experienced with your ex boyfriend, trouble and worry you would continue to experience were he still in your life.
I can relate to how you are feeling at the moment (I have recently had a similar experience), but look around the stories and comments on this forum to help you get clarity, support and strength. There are a lot of people on here who know what they are talking about.
Stay strong and believe me when I say it does get better in time.
Big hugs and love
There's a better future ahead of you, one that you can make yourself without the worry and the trouble you've experienced with your ex boyfriend, trouble and worry you would continue to experience were he still in your life.
I can relate to how you are feeling at the moment (I have recently had a similar experience), but look around the stories and comments on this forum to help you get clarity, support and strength. There are a lot of people on here who know what they are talking about.
Stay strong and believe me when I say it does get better in time.
Big hugs and love
Member
Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 15
First of all, I would bet my house that he hasn't quit cocaine. It’s not something you can just stop sometimes cold turkey like you can alcohol. Secondly, I know that everything that is happening to you is probably extremely hard to deal with right now; I went through literally the exact same thing only five months ago, but I can promise you after a little time it gets a lot better. As time goes on, you will start realizing the stupidity behind all of his excuses, and how much better it is for yourself to be away from him. Please keep coming back here until you feel content. We are here to help all we can.
My boyfriend of over four years did the same thing. He found some sketchy friends and started smoking pot and drinking alcohol almost every day soon after the start of our relationship. He worked a decent job, always helped pay the bills, went out on the weekends to party a little. Near the end of the relationship things got a lot worse, and that small amount of partying turned massive, and he found new addictions, such as LSD and cocaine. We fought every day because of it, and I was literally miserable because of this terrible person he had become. Like you, it started with him saying he didn't want to lose me, suggesting I give him time for himself because he had never been able to enjoy the party life, and it would help him to fix his drug problem so we could have a great life again in the future when he had had enough of the drugs. Then almost immediately after blabbing that crap, he broke up with me after we got into a fight about absolutely nothing, saying everything was my fault, that I was the rude one, the one that yelled all the time, the one who caused scenes and wouldn't get off his back. But what he failed to mention, was all the times I was left up half the night worried sick because he didn't come home. How I was infuriated when I walked in the door to find a HUGE bag of pot literally in plain view, after we had compromised, saying I would deal with him using it as long as he kept it out of the apartment, how he flirted with other women and acted like it was no big deal, how EVERYTHING drug related was "no big deal", how he betrayed my trust at every turn, avoided doing anything with me so he could spend every waking moment with his friends, how he lied to me constantly….etc etc. I’m sure you can relate a little.
Which is why I want to put emphasis on this: “He broke up with me and said I am never happy and we fight too much.” – “he peaced out over some stupid fight that wasn't even about cocaine?”
Addicts do everything they can to avoid blaming themselves. It helps them feel like they don’t have a problem. Don’t let him make you think that you’re the one who ruined the relationship. It will drive you freaking nuts. It’s the reason I came to this board in the first place, because I couldn’t handle the guilt and the things he did. Now I understand, as you will soon, that it was completely him and his addiction that ruined things. You cared for him and you tried to help him, and when he continued to use and refused to try to get help like he promised, it was putting so much on you that most likely it was literally destroying you. You were probably never happy because he was silently abusing and most likely neglecting you. The cocaine ruined your relationship, not a silly argument. A person in their right mind wouldn’t leave someone over that – a person in their right mind probably wouldn’t have done whatever caused the argument in the first place. I’m sure deep down you know this. My ex started our break up process because I got pissed that he brought himself, and all of his drug buddies Chipotle one night for dinner and “forgot” about me. It only went downhill from there until we went no contact. I lingered and lingered about it, asked myself why I didn’t just keep my mouth shut; but damn it, he should have given enough crap about me to think of me as much as his stupid friends. ANYONE who cared for me would have at least called and asked if I wanted something. I’m sure whatever argument it was, you were justified, not him, but he found a small way to turn it around on you, and make you feel like the bad guy, even after all the crap he has probably caused in the past, which was all he needed to end the relationship over something that wasn’t cocaine, which once again, helps him feel better because he can avoid blaming his addiction for destroying the relationship.
“I guess what I am stuck on is, why did he not even mention the cocaine being a contributing factor to the break up? Also, why not get clean during the relationship? Why start the day he breaks up with me?”
He didn’t mention it because he wants to fool himself and everyone else into believing that the cocaine wasn’t the thing that destroyed the relationship. We on the board know it was, he knows it was, you know it was, and if his friends/family know he’s using, they know it was too. He didn’t get clean during his relationship with you because 99% he’s still addicted to cocaine and hasn’t gotten clean for his “new” one. If you read any story about cocaine: they all end the same. It grabs hold tight and it doesn’t let go until it’s caused the addict to hit rock bottom and make one of two choices: rot or get help. More than likely, the girl he ran to was someone completely different from you; someone that won’t pull him aside when they see him using and ask him what the F he's doing. Someone who won't prevent him from achieving his high, who will most likely enable his addiction and do it with him, which makes him feel better. That’s how it was for me. I found out my ex’s real motive was to move me out so he could move in some **** who was just as messed up and addicted to drugs as he was. Addicts don’t want someone in their life who will tell them what they’re doing is wrong. They want someone who is pathetic and easy, in every way possible; who makes them feel like their addiction isn't a problem, and he will easily depose of her too one day, if she doesn't do it first. Addicts don’t appreciate what someone tried to do to help because they don’t even care for themselves; they don't want help. They’re too brain washed by the addiction to think clearly. It wasn't about you, their new "girlfriend" or even themselves, it's about the addiction and achieving that high and until they decide to get help on their own, the addiction will ALWAYS come first.
A few months down the road, you will stop asking the questions and start realizing the sad reality to why he did what he did. You will probably honestly feel bad for him – I feel bad for my ex now. He was a great, smart guy who had everything going for him and he ruined it all for drugs. If you are, try not to focus so much on what you could have done to fix things, focus more on the things he did to you, and if you saw the things he did to you, done to someone else, how pissed you would be and how wrong it was. Remember above all else - it was his fault; not yours.
At this moment, the world is your oyster and you can do whatever you want to do without being held down. In five measly months after my break up, I was accepted into a great university, landed a wonderful job, found a house, can play as many video games as I like, go wherever I want, do whatever I want, and I don’t have to worry about whatever ******** is waiting for me back home, because there isn’t any. If I was still with my ex, none of that would be a reality, and I would still be trapped and miserable. Eventually you will get with someone who really cares about you and makes your life a hell of a lot better than your ex did and you will realize how easy it should truly be. I don’t know if I have found the one yet, but I am with someone else currently, and he has already made me realize how much better my ex should have treated me.
Take a little time for yourself now to heal, you definitely deserve it, and after a little while, you will feel much better. Welcome to the board.
My boyfriend of over four years did the same thing. He found some sketchy friends and started smoking pot and drinking alcohol almost every day soon after the start of our relationship. He worked a decent job, always helped pay the bills, went out on the weekends to party a little. Near the end of the relationship things got a lot worse, and that small amount of partying turned massive, and he found new addictions, such as LSD and cocaine. We fought every day because of it, and I was literally miserable because of this terrible person he had become. Like you, it started with him saying he didn't want to lose me, suggesting I give him time for himself because he had never been able to enjoy the party life, and it would help him to fix his drug problem so we could have a great life again in the future when he had had enough of the drugs. Then almost immediately after blabbing that crap, he broke up with me after we got into a fight about absolutely nothing, saying everything was my fault, that I was the rude one, the one that yelled all the time, the one who caused scenes and wouldn't get off his back. But what he failed to mention, was all the times I was left up half the night worried sick because he didn't come home. How I was infuriated when I walked in the door to find a HUGE bag of pot literally in plain view, after we had compromised, saying I would deal with him using it as long as he kept it out of the apartment, how he flirted with other women and acted like it was no big deal, how EVERYTHING drug related was "no big deal", how he betrayed my trust at every turn, avoided doing anything with me so he could spend every waking moment with his friends, how he lied to me constantly….etc etc. I’m sure you can relate a little.
Which is why I want to put emphasis on this: “He broke up with me and said I am never happy and we fight too much.” – “he peaced out over some stupid fight that wasn't even about cocaine?”
Addicts do everything they can to avoid blaming themselves. It helps them feel like they don’t have a problem. Don’t let him make you think that you’re the one who ruined the relationship. It will drive you freaking nuts. It’s the reason I came to this board in the first place, because I couldn’t handle the guilt and the things he did. Now I understand, as you will soon, that it was completely him and his addiction that ruined things. You cared for him and you tried to help him, and when he continued to use and refused to try to get help like he promised, it was putting so much on you that most likely it was literally destroying you. You were probably never happy because he was silently abusing and most likely neglecting you. The cocaine ruined your relationship, not a silly argument. A person in their right mind wouldn’t leave someone over that – a person in their right mind probably wouldn’t have done whatever caused the argument in the first place. I’m sure deep down you know this. My ex started our break up process because I got pissed that he brought himself, and all of his drug buddies Chipotle one night for dinner and “forgot” about me. It only went downhill from there until we went no contact. I lingered and lingered about it, asked myself why I didn’t just keep my mouth shut; but damn it, he should have given enough crap about me to think of me as much as his stupid friends. ANYONE who cared for me would have at least called and asked if I wanted something. I’m sure whatever argument it was, you were justified, not him, but he found a small way to turn it around on you, and make you feel like the bad guy, even after all the crap he has probably caused in the past, which was all he needed to end the relationship over something that wasn’t cocaine, which once again, helps him feel better because he can avoid blaming his addiction for destroying the relationship.
“I guess what I am stuck on is, why did he not even mention the cocaine being a contributing factor to the break up? Also, why not get clean during the relationship? Why start the day he breaks up with me?”
He didn’t mention it because he wants to fool himself and everyone else into believing that the cocaine wasn’t the thing that destroyed the relationship. We on the board know it was, he knows it was, you know it was, and if his friends/family know he’s using, they know it was too. He didn’t get clean during his relationship with you because 99% he’s still addicted to cocaine and hasn’t gotten clean for his “new” one. If you read any story about cocaine: they all end the same. It grabs hold tight and it doesn’t let go until it’s caused the addict to hit rock bottom and make one of two choices: rot or get help. More than likely, the girl he ran to was someone completely different from you; someone that won’t pull him aside when they see him using and ask him what the F he's doing. Someone who won't prevent him from achieving his high, who will most likely enable his addiction and do it with him, which makes him feel better. That’s how it was for me. I found out my ex’s real motive was to move me out so he could move in some **** who was just as messed up and addicted to drugs as he was. Addicts don’t want someone in their life who will tell them what they’re doing is wrong. They want someone who is pathetic and easy, in every way possible; who makes them feel like their addiction isn't a problem, and he will easily depose of her too one day, if she doesn't do it first. Addicts don’t appreciate what someone tried to do to help because they don’t even care for themselves; they don't want help. They’re too brain washed by the addiction to think clearly. It wasn't about you, their new "girlfriend" or even themselves, it's about the addiction and achieving that high and until they decide to get help on their own, the addiction will ALWAYS come first.
A few months down the road, you will stop asking the questions and start realizing the sad reality to why he did what he did. You will probably honestly feel bad for him – I feel bad for my ex now. He was a great, smart guy who had everything going for him and he ruined it all for drugs. If you are, try not to focus so much on what you could have done to fix things, focus more on the things he did to you, and if you saw the things he did to you, done to someone else, how pissed you would be and how wrong it was. Remember above all else - it was his fault; not yours.
At this moment, the world is your oyster and you can do whatever you want to do without being held down. In five measly months after my break up, I was accepted into a great university, landed a wonderful job, found a house, can play as many video games as I like, go wherever I want, do whatever I want, and I don’t have to worry about whatever ******** is waiting for me back home, because there isn’t any. If I was still with my ex, none of that would be a reality, and I would still be trapped and miserable. Eventually you will get with someone who really cares about you and makes your life a hell of a lot better than your ex did and you will realize how easy it should truly be. I don’t know if I have found the one yet, but I am with someone else currently, and he has already made me realize how much better my ex should have treated me.
Take a little time for yourself now to heal, you definitely deserve it, and after a little while, you will feel much better. Welcome to the board.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
