Hello Friends!

Old 04-03-2017, 06:01 PM
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Hello Friends!

Life is carrying on in my corner of the universe. I feel like I'm reaching more of an equilibrium where STBXAH is concerned. I'm doing a better job of staying aware enough of things for DS's sake, but not too aware that it's unhealthy. Our divorce should be final in late May or early June. It's a relief that I'm doing a better job at the long-term, permanent detachment, because work life has gotten crazy.

Back in February we hit the one year anniversary of when I came perilously close to losing my job over attendance and related issues (NOT quality of work issues). For a year I fought like hell and kept my nose to the grindstone, accounted for literally every second of my day, every day, and earned back a lot of trust and goodwill from my boss. I'm not sure if it was a coincidence, but around that anniversary, he loosened a lot of my restrictions in part because my counterpart in our department uses a lot of compensatory time to cover medical appointments and I think our boss was feeling uncomfortable about treating us differently in the attendance department after a year of stellar attendance from me.

Anyway, feeling a little secure in my job coincided with some issues in our department that have impacted my job satisfaction. And while at no point have I been actively looking for a new job, a new opportunity with a quasi-government agency has dropped in my lap. I should have a face-to-face interview in the next week or two, and I hope to GOD that it sheds some light on all of this because I am having a hard time figuring out if I *really* want a new job, or if I just need to water the grass on my side of the proverbial fence. I am pretty overwhelmed at work right now, and I don't want to make a wrong move for the wrong reasons. I am asking HP for some clarity on this, and trying to keep my head on as straight as possible while I juggle all the stress.

My kids are all doing well. DD17 ended her relationship with her longtime boyfriend back before school started, and took several months to just do her thing and have fun before she started dating again. She's been seeing a nice guy who is a year older and seems quite a bit better adjusted than her last boyfriend. More will be revealed. She is finishing her junior year, and is starting to look seriously at colleges and whatnot. She rocked her ACT, and takes the SAT this week.

DD13 has church confirmation coming up, plus 8th grade graduation. She had a really hard time earlier in the school year, but seems to be doing a lot better. She plans to spend as much time here as possible this summer. She wants to take cake decorating classes, and we are trying to get her a slot volunteering at the library. She will also babysit for DS and my gentleman friend's daughter once every week or two to earn a little $ and build her confidence.

DS is finishing first grade. He seems to be handling the divorce fairly well. STBXAH is still fairly involved, and DS likes STBXAH's new girlfriend, her son, and her nephew.

Things are still going well with my gentleman friend, whom I have now known for almost 18 months! We have had what I consider to be some fairly normal relationship growing pains, but I believe we have handled them in a mature, healthy, and fully functional way. We have our stressors, including his work schedule (2nd shift) which leaves me alone and in charge of his daughter and DS four nights a week, but he has several irons in the fire to move to first shift either at his current job, or at a new place.

I can honestly say that we are squarely OUT of the honeymoon phase, and I have a tremendous amount of love AND respect for him--something I have not experienced in an adult romantic relationship before. We are different in many ways, but neither of us feels threatened by those differences. He drives me nutso sometimes, and I'm sure I do the same to him, but again--the whole thing just feels so...NORMAL. No hidden, buried resentments. No name-calling or insults. No lies. When my kids have issues with things in the home, they come to me and we talk about them. Nobody spends the weekends hiding in their rooms anymore. When DD17 started seeing her new guy, she was actually DISAPPOINTED that the weekend we made plans for him to come up for dinner was a weekend that my gentleman friend was out of town. Recall that during the last few months before I left STBXAH in 2015, my girls didn't even want to COME to my house.

Work stuff has me stressed and at times feeling like I'm struggling to access my coping skills, and it helps to come here and reconnect with all of you, and remind myself of what people in recovery look like, and the tools they use in every aspect of their lives.

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Old 04-03-2017, 06:40 PM
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Great to hear from you--we've missed ya! Totally understand, though, the need to make work a priority. Everything else sounds terrific!

As far as the interview goes, do you know anyone who works for this agency who could shed a little light on what it's like working there? Apart from the possibility of getting away from the work satisfaction issues where you are now, would this other job bring you any closer to professional goals that you have?
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Old 04-03-2017, 06:57 PM
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I do know their procurement director. They are kind of a quasi agency of the county I work for, but technically a separate entity. I know a lot of the senior management there; this agency struggled GREATLY a few years ago, and has really turned around. One appealing factor is that I would have absolutely no reservations about applying for the top procurement job there if it ever became available. I can't say that about the top procurement job where I'm at--the county as a whole can be a very frustrating place to serve out decades as an upper level manager (whereas my current position is usually fairly satisfying regardless of who is running the show at the top levels).

Then again, I don't know if I would even WANT a top procurement job. I like what I do now, and a top job is obviously more pressure, more work, etc. While I am most certainly in a better place mentally to take something like that on, I do not have an unquenchable thirst for upward mobility. I am a helper, facilitator, and consensus builder at heart professionally. So much to think about!
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Old 04-03-2017, 07:27 PM
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I dunno... I'm sort of inclined to think, based on what you've said, that the new job wouldn't bring any huge sense of satisfaction. Maybe you want to think about career goals some more, and explore other possible jobs, rather than jumping ship too soon. From what you describe about your personal preferences, something in the nonprofit world might be more satisfying to you. And some of those jobs pay very well, depending on where you land.
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Old 04-03-2017, 07:34 PM
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Thanks for the input, Lexie! One of the things I am struggling with is that it's a newly created position. So it's hard to know exactly what's involved before I actually sit down with the boss lady and just talk it through.

More will be revealed...
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Old 04-04-2017, 06:09 AM
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Wisconsin! It's so good to hear from you, and to hear things are going well. Keep looking to your HP, more will be revealed on the job front! Good luck at the interview!

Hugs to you!
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Old 04-04-2017, 06:50 AM
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Old 04-04-2017, 09:11 AM
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It makes me so happy to hear about the normal-ness in your life! Good luck with the job interview, and figuring out what you want. Thats a good problem to have. Take care, my friend!
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Old 04-04-2017, 10:57 AM
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Wisconsin! So glad to hear from you! I was just talking about you a few days ago--were your ears burning? Someone here was concerned about a bad job review, related at least partly to her issues living w/an A. I gave the "25 words or less" version of how you feared for your job for a time too, for similar reasons, but how since you'd moved out and gotten some peace, you'd turned things around.

And now you post THIS! So yes, clearly a bad review isn't the end of the world if a person takes steps to correct the problems!

I'm happy to hear that things are going well--hope the spring brings you some beautiful days and lots of happiness and contentment!
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Old 04-04-2017, 06:19 PM
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Thanks, everyone! My face-to-face interview is a week from tomorrow. Interestingly, job interviews aren't typically something I stress about too much. I figure I am who I am, and what you see is what you get. If a prospective employer can't see that, or thinks I'm not a good fit, then so be it.

I did have a nice bit of goodness today during an otherwise grueling week. DD13 is having her confirmation at XH's church soon (XH is not an A). As I've mentioned before, when XH and I split, it was VERY ugly, and he was VERY angry with me. He would communicate with me only via certified mail for the first year or two. I know I have shared in recent months how far we've come, and today I emailed him to ask what he thought about inviting some old friends to the confirmation. These particular friends, XH was best friends with the husband in high school. They named him godfather of their daughters. But when we split, XH cut off all contact with them because they still had contact with me. The whole thing was very, very sad.

Anyway, XH was great and said he would love to see them, and that he knew his parents would love to see them, too. So the cast of people at DD13's confirmation (and likely post confirmation brunch somewhere) will be me, XH, DD13, DD17, XH's mother and father, my father, me, DS (who is from my second marriage to STBXAH), my gentleman friend, my gentleman friend's daughter, and these old friends and THEIR DD17 (their older DD is away at college). If you would have told me even a few years ago that we would be in this place, I never would have believed you. Even better that we are coming together for DD13, who finds these things extremely meaningful and is always very emotional in a good way when people show their support for her.

I have written in the past about how much work XH has done on himself in the past 10 years, and how much credit I give him for doing that hard work. But also, three cheers for recovery! My recovery has changed how I interact with him, and I know THAT has contributed to the current, highly respectful and functional relationship we have.
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Old 04-04-2017, 08:43 PM
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Thanks for the cheering update, Wisconsin. Glad to hear that you are doing well.
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Old 04-05-2017, 08:13 AM
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Wisconsin,
Glad to see that you are moving a long, in a very busy way!! Keep moving forward, as that is all you can do. (((((((((((Wisconsin)))))))))
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