OliviaBenson42

Hello, not sure how to go about this. Not even sure if I drink too much. I binge drink about 3 - 4 times a week. Spirits. I would drink more times but don't want to jeapodise my job. I used to drink every night about 10 years ago. Wine. Pretty much till I almost fell over. I drink in the late afternoon when I do some gardening, then cooking. Don't know how to stop. What do you think?.

FreeOwl

I think it sounds like alcohol might not be giving you in life what you'd truly like out of life.... does that sound about right?

I think it also sounds like alcohol might actually be standing in the way of your true, deep and abundant appreciation and experience of life. Does that also seem to be true?

I think it sounds like you've got enough concern about how alcohol is impacting your life that you might want to be free of it and experience a better, happier, more rewarding, healthier, more joyful way to live. Would that seem to you a correct statement?

PhoenixJ

I think there is not enough info- but I think it is great you posted. Welcome OB. There is a new 'Class of April 2017' thread if you want to join.

OliviaBenson42

I actually think having a drink makes chores easier, but I think I'm at a stage where my health and mind may suffer. So what made you guys stop drinking?

OliviaBenson42

The trouble is I really like drinking, and am not sure how to give up

Mattq2

Hi Olivia,
I loved to drink. It slowly worked itself into being the most important thing in my life. i was far from being the best person I could be. I know it was killing me slowly. For me there is no positives in drinking. I am much better person without it.

Mattq2

As far as quitting I had to make a plan. I had to make positive changes in my life and change the way I thought about alcohol. I used SR everyday to support my recovery. I knew I could never drink again. It was hard at first but very worth it.

gettingsmarter

Looking back, when first I started to think I might have a problem it had already become a much bigger problem than I was aware.

Bird615

Welcome to SR, Olivia!

I liked drinking too, and didn't want to give it up, either. At least not until the results of drinking got too painful. I didn't drink that much near the end because of my job, so sometimes it was only once or twice a week and I could last a week or two without it, but it always started escalating again even when I didn't want it to.

I started getting into trouble with it with things like embarrassing myself, saying stupid and hurtful things, doing things I was ashamed of, things I would never do sober. I became a different person and I found out I didn't like that person very much. And don't even mention the awful hangovers where I felt like I was going to die.

At first these things made me think about cutting down, because stopping was still out of the question. Life would be horrible and dull without drinking.

My drinking slowly got worse as I tried harder and harder to get it under control. I drank and got drunk when I didn't even intend to. I started hating myself more and more.

I knew I'd had enough when the pain of getting sober looked more bearable than the pain of continuing to drink. I actually stopped shortly after I retired, because I just knew where my drinking was headed with all that free time. That's when I reached out for help and started working a recovery program. Some people use the analogy of drowning and finally grabbing on to that life preserver that's there.

Another analogy is like being on an elevator that only goes down. Anyone who feels alcohol is causing a problem in their life can decide to get off that elevator at any time. They don't have to wait for it to go as low as it has for others.

In my experience, life is so much more enjoyable sober. The thing is, it takes some effort and willingness to put in the work.

If you're thinking about stopping, this is a great place to get support and more information.

least

Welcome to the family. If alcohol is causing problems, it's best to give it up. I hope our support can help you get sober for good.

PhoenixJ

OB- I loved drinking. Creating dinner parties, wineries- all of it. My narrative- if you care to look tells it well enough.

Sasha4

When my drinking started to ramp up, I remember an uneasy feeling I had.
That I should not be drinking like I was.
I was the same as you - I drank after work.
I had a full time job, a relationship, no child but responsibilities none the less.
It was just an uneasy feeling that what I was doing was not great.

That uneasy feeling was not easy to live with.
It was always at the back of my mind, like i had a dirty secret.
I tried to hide it.
I felt anxious all the time.

I think that if drinking makes you unhappy, then that should be enough for you to stop.
It does not really matter about the definition or label - alcoholic, binge drinker, alcohol abuser.
The fact it makes you unhappy is all that matters.
I wish you the best xx

Nilobrian33

Welcome to the community mate. Enjoy .........

OliviaBenson42

Wow, didn't expect to get all these responses. Thanx guys. I will give it a go, and stop drinking. Mmmm what do u think about one day a week??? It's kinda like a release after a week of a high pressure job. I know my liver has taken a pretty good workout over the years. And yeah, embarrassing things have been done. I don't really drink when I go out anymore. I drink at home. And my rule is, don't use the phone.

HTown

I have a high pressure job, never missed a day due to drinking. I just got sick and tired of being sick and tired. I didn't answer the phone either, couldn't drive after 7 p.m., drank alone. I realized drinking was not helping me grieve the loss of my wife to cancer, that it was poisoning me slowly, and the guilt and shame were eating me up. I felt like such a loser. One year later, I sure do not feel that way anymore.

Stopping my daily drinking habit was the best thing I have ever dobe for myself.

No more guilt, shame, suicidal thoughts, racing heart at 2 a.m., or hangovers.

Alan6154

OB,

There is a new thread posted by Soberwolf that you should probably read. It may or may not answer a lot of your questions.

Good luck whatever your decision.

Dee74

I tried everything to moderate my drinking, including one night a week Olivia...

I could never manage that - my whole problem boils down to me not being about to control my alcohol intake.

D

OliviaBenson42

It was the first Sunday arv sober I have had for a looong time and cooking dinner. Usually I am in a pretty happy state by 8pm. Going to yoga tonight so I won't be able to drink. Yaay. Reading all your stuff has been a big help. And thanks Alan 6154, I will read Soberwolf's thread. X

Berrybean

Didn't you already try to cut down to less nights a week? Maybe I'm just presuming. Most of us have tried all kinds of silly-arsed ways of cutting down and learning to drink like a normal person (without admitting to ourselves that we don't WANT to drink like a normal person - we want to check out!!) before we come here.

Trouble is for me, if I drink once a week it just keeps that addictive voice alive and hungry enough to make it more wicked than before, so I end up caving and going back to the old routine. We have to starve that little beast. Even then it doesn't shut up entirely, but it gets quieter and less frequent and we get better and recognising it as our AV rather than crediting it with being rational thoughts.

Sobriety is not drinking. Recovery is the steps we take to learn new ways of coping with life on life's terms. If you just get sober you will miss that release. If you work on your recovery, chances are you will find better and better ways of dealing with the pressures of life until you no longer feel the need to check out of life for a reprieve.

These are the promises from the AA program of recovery, which is what I have used. I nevr expected that those promises would ever come true. I suppose I thought they were like a washing detergent jingle. But here I am, three years down the line, and I can say hand on heart that they HAVE come true. Bloody amazing!

If we are painstaking about this phase of our development, we will be amazed before we are half way through.
We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness.
We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it.
We will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace.
No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience can benefit others.
That feeling of uselessness and self pity will disappear.
We will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows.
Self-seeking will slip away.
Our whole attitude and outlook upon life will change.
Fear of people and of economic insecurity will leave us.
We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us.
We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves.
Are these extravagant promises? We think not. They are being fulfilled among us—sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly. They will always materialize if we work for them.*Big Book pg. 83 & 84 Alcoholics Anonymous, 3rd Ed.*

I was a binge drinker as well, and I didn't think I'd need recovery work or AA or whatever. I thought I'd just cut down. Then change drinks. Then, okay, I'll have to stop but on my own. Then I was going nuts because I hadn't had a release for a whole month of no drinking. Proper washing machine head. And the emotions I'd been stuffing away for years were all starting to pop out as well. Gah. What a nightmare sobriety without any recovery work was!!! Sheer hell. Thankfully I got desperate enough to go along to AA, admittedly because I hoped they'd tell me I wasn't a real alcoholic and that I could go home and have a drink. Lol. It didn't work out that way, but I did get a lot of hope from those meetings, and got given lots of suggestions of things to try that would make sobriety easier. And invariably when I chose to act on the suggestions sober life was easier. When I decided not to (because I was so much smarter than those people, obviously! Lol) then things were a bit tougher.

It took me a while to swallow my pride and get a sponsor and do step work, but when I finally did it I can honestly say that it was the best move I ever made. I've learnt more of value through those steps and my recovery work than I did in 4 years at Cambridge university. If I had to wipe out the learning from one or the other, I know that without a moments hesitation I'd choose to keep my recovery wisdom over my academic knowledge.

Anyway. This has turned into a bug waffle. Sorry about that.
Glad you're here. Please keep reading and posting.

I do hope you'll give yourself the gifts of sobriety and recovery. BB

Kristoff

OB,

I made a decision in September last year to only drink on a Saturday night and justified it along the following lines.....it would give me a bit of a 'normal' social life, it would only be in the local pub, I would stick with the decent IPA's I am so fond of, it would break the routine of staying in most nights. It worked for a bit.....until it didn't. After 4-5 pints it became so much more difficult to say no to the single malts I love and after those it became that much more difficult again to say no to a trip into town for some 'food'. And invariably, not always, it ended up in a bit of a mess for me, not major disasters as I've experienced in the past through drinking excessively, but enough of a mess (mostly saying injudicious, unmoderated things). I fought for three months like that hoping to contain things, to return to looking and behaving in drink like the 'normal' drinker I used to be (although there's a debate there as to what constitutes 'normal' of course).

What never changed for me was the depressant effect alcohol had on me the next day ......regrets of the past were re-amplified, legitimate concerns about how the future would look for me became way more acute. And this 'fear' that set in the day after and which used to be gone by the second morning, lasted longer and longer. There is obviously a significant chemical component to alcohol addiction and the effect alcohol has on the neurotransmitters is well established.

Irregardless of the why's and how's, I had to assess whether the upside of the time spent drinking was worth the downside. Each of us have to come to their own conclusion on this I guess. It wasn't and isn't worth it for me.