In desperate need of help.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2016
Posts: 36
In desperate need of help.
I am a 37 year old male who has always run to alcohol to hide from the world.
Over the past few years I have probably drunk twice per week, around three beers at a time. It may or may not sound much but it's the reason that I drink that's the problem. I use drink as a coping mechanisms.
My situation is that I work for myself, from home and my partner is at work and so it's easy for me to go and drink.
However when I do drink I get annoyed, frustrated and overwhelmed and all my insecurities come out. Because, during these times I am full of hate for myself I end up sending a tirade of abuse to my partner. I pick on his weaknesses, he knows I am drinking and then it spirals out of control. My partner is an amazing guy and doesn't deserve this.
Recently I was sober for five weeks and was so proud of myself. On Thursday I made a decision to go for a drink and was literally walking to the bar and then started to think about the consequences and turned around and walked back. For those who understand this was a powerful "overcoming" moment.
However Friday wasn't the same. A few things had got on top of me this week (it's how it usually starts) and I started to drink.
It all happened again, I was messaging my partner who is the most amazing guy, attacking him. I literally hate myself for doing it and it's come to a point whereby I don't want this to be the cycle of relationship for him. He deserves better.
I have to change. I must.
I have that feeling of guilt today, overwhelming guilt but I have to change and I was doing so well.
I have been reading these forums for most of the day.
One of the things I know I am missing is people to speak to, the moment in which I decide whether I do or don't drink, is the moment that I need outside help until I have got this.
As I said I work on my own so it's not easy.
Is there anyone in this forum who can help me in this way?
I think about the moment before I die, reflecting on my life. I do badly want alcohol to be something on my distant past rather than still being an issue.
I have to do this for me and my partner.
Over the past few years I have probably drunk twice per week, around three beers at a time. It may or may not sound much but it's the reason that I drink that's the problem. I use drink as a coping mechanisms.
My situation is that I work for myself, from home and my partner is at work and so it's easy for me to go and drink.
However when I do drink I get annoyed, frustrated and overwhelmed and all my insecurities come out. Because, during these times I am full of hate for myself I end up sending a tirade of abuse to my partner. I pick on his weaknesses, he knows I am drinking and then it spirals out of control. My partner is an amazing guy and doesn't deserve this.
Recently I was sober for five weeks and was so proud of myself. On Thursday I made a decision to go for a drink and was literally walking to the bar and then started to think about the consequences and turned around and walked back. For those who understand this was a powerful "overcoming" moment.
However Friday wasn't the same. A few things had got on top of me this week (it's how it usually starts) and I started to drink.
It all happened again, I was messaging my partner who is the most amazing guy, attacking him. I literally hate myself for doing it and it's come to a point whereby I don't want this to be the cycle of relationship for him. He deserves better.
I have to change. I must.
I have that feeling of guilt today, overwhelming guilt but I have to change and I was doing so well.
I have been reading these forums for most of the day.
One of the things I know I am missing is people to speak to, the moment in which I decide whether I do or don't drink, is the moment that I need outside help until I have got this.
As I said I work on my own so it's not easy.
Is there anyone in this forum who can help me in this way?
I think about the moment before I die, reflecting on my life. I do badly want alcohol to be something on my distant past rather than still being an issue.
I have to do this for me and my partner.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: Adelaide, Australia
Posts: 28,658
MelbH- Every one here can help by supporting, sharing and growing together. Going to SMART and AA meetings is also good- even if just to get out of your head space. You are NOT alone in this. Strength in unity, keep reading/posting. Perhaps join the 'Class of April2017'. thread?
Support to you, PJ.
Support to you, PJ.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,497
Welcome!
You can always come here and post when you feel the urge to drink. This forum is very active and supportive. In general, it's a good idea to come up with a plan where you have ideas that will help you get through those urges in a healthy way. For example, you might exercise, walk, listen to music, call a friend, anything you can think of that will distract you. Things will get easier.
You can always come here and post when you feel the urge to drink. This forum is very active and supportive. In general, it's a good idea to come up with a plan where you have ideas that will help you get through those urges in a healthy way. For example, you might exercise, walk, listen to music, call a friend, anything you can think of that will distract you. Things will get easier.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2016
Posts: 36
Originally Posted by PhoenixJ 
MelbH- Every one here can help by supporting, sharing and growing together. Going to SMART and AA meetings is also good- even if just to get out of your head space. You are NOT alone in this. Strength in unity, keep reading/posting. Perhaps join the 'Class of April2017'. thread?
Support to you, PJ.
Support to you, PJ.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2016
Posts: 36
Originally Posted by Anna
Welcome!
You can always come here and post when you feel the urge to drink. This forum is very active and supportive. In general, it's a good idea to come up with a plan where you have ideas that will help you get through those urges in a healthy way. For example, you might exercise, walk, listen to music, call a friend, anything you can think of that will distract you. Things will get easier.
You can always come here and post when you feel the urge to drink. This forum is very active and supportive. In general, it's a good idea to come up with a plan where you have ideas that will help you get through those urges in a healthy way. For example, you might exercise, walk, listen to music, call a friend, anything you can think of that will distract you. Things will get easier.
The gaps between me falling over and stumbling or widening and two of the biggest differences that have helped are:
A) walking 10,000 steps per day
B) eating far healthier
I will now be posting in this group regularly.
I want to do whatever it takes to make it through!
Trudgin
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 6,348
Many find comfort both here and in the rooms of AA. When I made a decision to get sober I started going to meetings and quickly found a group of people who knew me and I them.
I called new friends, had coffee and lunch together. This bridged a very tough time and has created a web of friends unlike anything I had before. I had become so isolated that f2f contact was like rediscovering life.
I called new friends, had coffee and lunch together. This bridged a very tough time and has created a web of friends unlike anything I had before. I had become so isolated that f2f contact was like rediscovering life.
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