My son-substance abuse
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My son-substance abuse
I need some advice as how to deal with my son who is a substance abuser. He appears to be getting worse, is there anything I can do to help him? Any advice would be wcelomed. Thanks
My son is 39 yrs old and has had a problem off & on with substance abuse since late teens.
Thank you goldlady, and I think I knew what your answer might be, but I remember Caroll O'Connor (All in the Family) saying when his son died, was to get between you and your son's drugs. I never knew what he meant when he said that. I find it so hard and frustrating to watch my son die, and after to know that I might have been able to do something. I have not attended meetings but I think I will encourage my daughter-in-law to go to a few with me, just to be with people who have been through the same thing. My heart goes out to you and I thank you soooo much.
Needles, as in knitting needles.
[This message has been edited by Needles (edited December 26, 2001).]
[This message has been edited by Needles (edited December 27, 2001).]
My son is 39 yrs old and has had a problem off & on with substance abuse since late teens.
Thank you goldlady, and I think I knew what your answer might be, but I remember Caroll O'Connor (All in the Family) saying when his son died, was to get between you and your son's drugs. I never knew what he meant when he said that. I find it so hard and frustrating to watch my son die, and after to know that I might have been able to do something. I have not attended meetings but I think I will encourage my daughter-in-law to go to a few with me, just to be with people who have been through the same thing. My heart goes out to you and I thank you soooo much.
Needles, as in knitting needles.
[This message has been edited by Needles (edited December 26, 2001).]
[This message has been edited by Needles (edited December 27, 2001).]
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Join Date: Nov 2001
Location: nyc
Posts: 36
Hi Needles:
I am happy to make ur aquaintance. I can only speak for myself here & my experience has been that u really can't help anyone who doesn't want to stop using; you can HELP YOURSELF! Are you in a program? The steps realy helped me stop enabling my CRACK A ; what I thought was helping loving was in fact making it easy for him to use & hurt me in the long run.
Your son isn't a kid & at 39 years of age he is able to decide what choices to make.
My A is 42 & I have no contact with him.
I was not paying any bills & recusing him from any of his problems. My envolvment goes back to when we were very very young & he was WOnderful & of course not a JUNKIE! I am not an enabler by nature but our history allowed him certain privleges that most can never get from me. I approached it at first as any best friend of 25 yeas would; he was special. BUT NOT WHERE DOPE IS CONCERNED! I had to rethink my position on friendship & Loyality. he was unable to return my affection in a normal fashion because his focus on the subject was
WARPED! ADDICT behavior is unlike any thing I ever encountered.
So, I went to meets & educated myself. I set my boundaries for ME! & made an Ultimatuim for myself. When he pick -up I was gone! never looked back. He can't live in my home & he can't eat a meal here either! He can't have a sip of water! NUTIN NADDA! FINI!
WHILE HE IS USING DRUGS OF ANY KIND
That may not seem hard but anyone knowing how I loved Piggy & how close we were & His family would Gasp in horror! I am NOT PAYING BILLS! I am NOT GIVING YOU MY MONEY! I am not hiding my meds Hoping You dont steal them! I am not worrying if u pawn any of my **** either! As a matter of fact I dare you! Steal from me & I WILL CALL THE POLICE on U! & chances are they will have to take him to emergency before they book him on theft! (head trama). Addicts/alkies are cunning slick & manipulative & by no means DUMB they play you because they know how far to go, The only chance you have is to take care of u & do exact OPPOSITE of what you have done for them in the past! our meddling & rescuing only prevents them from facing life & falling on their ass.
bottom line Needles I am not gonna let an ADDICT abuse & destroy me in the name of family friendship & love. We are loving them & they are in love with the drug drink of choice.
Welcome to our house! we are all different you will get all kinds of Views & opines here
our stories a differnet but we are all on the same road at different points along the way
whatever u choose good luck blessings to u
gold is best!
I am happy to make ur aquaintance. I can only speak for myself here & my experience has been that u really can't help anyone who doesn't want to stop using; you can HELP YOURSELF! Are you in a program? The steps realy helped me stop enabling my CRACK A ; what I thought was helping loving was in fact making it easy for him to use & hurt me in the long run.
Your son isn't a kid & at 39 years of age he is able to decide what choices to make.
My A is 42 & I have no contact with him.
I was not paying any bills & recusing him from any of his problems. My envolvment goes back to when we were very very young & he was WOnderful & of course not a JUNKIE! I am not an enabler by nature but our history allowed him certain privleges that most can never get from me. I approached it at first as any best friend of 25 yeas would; he was special. BUT NOT WHERE DOPE IS CONCERNED! I had to rethink my position on friendship & Loyality. he was unable to return my affection in a normal fashion because his focus on the subject was
WARPED! ADDICT behavior is unlike any thing I ever encountered.
So, I went to meets & educated myself. I set my boundaries for ME! & made an Ultimatuim for myself. When he pick -up I was gone! never looked back. He can't live in my home & he can't eat a meal here either! He can't have a sip of water! NUTIN NADDA! FINI!
WHILE HE IS USING DRUGS OF ANY KIND
That may not seem hard but anyone knowing how I loved Piggy & how close we were & His family would Gasp in horror! I am NOT PAYING BILLS! I am NOT GIVING YOU MY MONEY! I am not hiding my meds Hoping You dont steal them! I am not worrying if u pawn any of my **** either! As a matter of fact I dare you! Steal from me & I WILL CALL THE POLICE on U! & chances are they will have to take him to emergency before they book him on theft! (head trama). Addicts/alkies are cunning slick & manipulative & by no means DUMB they play you because they know how far to go, The only chance you have is to take care of u & do exact OPPOSITE of what you have done for them in the past! our meddling & rescuing only prevents them from facing life & falling on their ass.
bottom line Needles I am not gonna let an ADDICT abuse & destroy me in the name of family friendship & love. We are loving them & they are in love with the drug drink of choice.
Welcome to our house! we are all different you will get all kinds of Views & opines here
our stories a differnet but we are all on the same road at different points along the way
whatever u choose good luck blessings to u
gold is best!
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I thought that too goldlady until I heard him on various television programs telling people to get between their children and drugs. At that time I even looked for a web sight to see if maybe he might have documented something there. I guess it is back to the basics-hands off. Thanks again.
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I guess I am doing ok, Rev. I spoke to my oldest son today and asked him to speak to his fater about Intervention. I really don't think he will, but I am trying. If not, we can do it with my youngest son's (the one with the problem) wife & her children and me. My oldest son lives in Massachusetts. I just cannot get that gaunt, thin image out of my brain. Thanks for caring.
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