Ituvia

I thought I was feeling better. I was binge watching House of Cards and suddenly I heard from a friend that he showed up to work drunk and that his manager found out. He was supposed to have 1-1 with his Manager on Monday and ended up drinking in the morning, sleeping it off and going to work that day. I don't know what happened after. I came to know this info on Monday, I fell sick on Tuesday and still am. I have been a mess since Monday night. Crying non stop, calling people and rambling etc. I was crying about not feeling well and that I don't have him to take care of me
I realized I shouldn't have found out about him showing up drunk. I feel so alone. People have stopped answering my calls because I keep crying and rambling.
I think it set myself back to day one. FML.

SparkleKitty

You're NOT back to Day One.

Not every part of recovery feels awesome. Coming out of denial about our own behaviors is painful, and allowing ourselves to feel those feelings is part of it. No way around that.

What we CAN avoid is shaming and berating ourselves for things that cannot be changed. When we know better, we do better.

Ituvia

I have been crying non stop the whole day. My face is swollen and I feel weak. I was missing him, I guess. Since I am sick, I feel more alone today.

Jo2017

This is a long process & we all have bad days. I've felt like I've worn out a couple of my friends too. That is why making some contacts at AlAnon is so important. They've experienced those bad days too & don't wear out easily!! Hang in there-one baby step st a time!

schnappi99

You're never alone in alanon, lots of people there have been thru similar issues and they will listen as long as you wish to share. Even if you dont stay, your story might help someone else.

musiclady14

I went through a similar experience on the weekend. Someone told me things about AH in a message. It was unsolicited info and I read all of it despite my misgivings.

He made some really bad choices that I knew would have undone years of good by allowing toxic people (mostly family and a few ex-'friends') back into his life. My kids and I left him 2.5 weeks ago. He has no friends. He's lonely. Hence the poor decisions.

Anyway, for whatever reason, it hit me hard. As though all the work he did to rid his life of the negativity had been undone in mere minutes. I was concerned that his drinking would escalate. I posted here in a panic. Got myself all stressed.

And then it hit me. Codependent me! This is his life. His choices. His problem. And I let go of it. Then I asked the person who conveyed the info to kindly refrain from doing so in the future. They apologized and admitted that they should never have said anything to me in the first place. All is well.

No contact is definitely a big deal. I'm clinging to it for dear life right now. It works. Al-Anon is a lifesaver, too.

You will get through this, Ituvia. You're stronger than you know. Focus on you and keep putting one foot in front of the other.

LexieCat

Here's one way to think about it. Weren't you all stressed out about his "wonderful life" since he left, and your despair that his drinking problem seemed to have gone *poof* since he left you? Well, now you know. Life isn't all rosy for him, and he's still stuck with himself and his problem.

And YOU are still stuck with YOURSELF, right? Doesn't this sort of confirm that nothing good would have come from his staying there? You would still be caught in that same cycle.

This relationship is OVER. Done. Work on getting past that. Tell people you don't want to hear about him. Work on your own healing and let him worry about his.

atalose

Life is not fun when you are constantly banging your head against a brick wall. Please try and learn the lesson life keeps trying to teach you.

Ituvia

Yes, life isn't all rosy for him. He seems to think AA isn't for him and I also think he is not ready for recovery

SparkleKitty

What about you? Are YOU ready for recovery?

mylifeismine

"I feel so alone. People have stopped answering my calls because I keep crying and rambling."

Ituvia, this is exactly what alanon and a sponsor are for. Please take care. of yourself. As others have said, your behaviors show
how serious you are about your recovery.

Ituvia

I have an appointment with my therapist tomorrow. The first session was like an Intro so couldn't discuss much. I am hoping he helps this time.
When you're ill, you feel extra vulnerable and I think that's what this is.

Bekindalways

So sorry you are sick Ituvia. Hope you heal and get some help from this therapist.

Most of all I hope that you are ready for recovery even if your xabf isn't

Seren

ltuvia,

I am the same in that when I have a cold, I get depressed, too. Everything is magnified.

I hope you have a good session with your therapist! I hope you can get some much-needed rest

Ituvia

Today I am oscillating between wanting to call him and not calling. I saw him getting to work in his car, looked up through the car and drove away. I can't believe it's the same guy who said he wanted to marry me like two months ago.

dandylion

Ituvia...in life, there are many things that are what they are...not what we wanted them to be.....

atalose

Call him? Call him for what?

Ituvia

I don't even know. I don't even know what I'd say. I was wondering if I could offer to take him to AA/Rehab. I am stupid, just can't see him like this.

LexieCat

He is perfectly capable of getting himself to AA or rehab if he chooses to. He doesn't need you to do it. Re-read the title of THIS THREAD. Which YOU WROTE.

Nata1980

You are not stupid. Rest assured - if he wants to get to rehab/AA, he will get there. He can check himself in just fine. I made a mistake of driving XAH around to get him into rehab - with my son in tow. Looking back - that was insane. Oh well live and learn.

Stay strong and away from him.