Notices

How Low?

Old 03-29-2017, 08:30 AM
  # 1 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Mar 2016
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 593
How Low?

How Low?

I guess I’m only writing this for myself, in hopes of help.

I’m a lot lower than I ever let on here on SR. Sorry for the lack of honesty, but pride gets in the way, as many of us know.

I’m out. Most recently I had 11 days and then I had a 500 mile roadtrip behind truckers in PA. For those who don’t know, these jerks go 50 uphill, side by side, and 85 downhill, right up you’re a**. It’s hugely annoying. I had to go 100 to escape them. Arriving home it was of course “f-it” time.

My wife is giving up, God bless her she hung on as long as she could.

You wouldn’t believe what the f is wrong with my house—so I won’t explain that.

I’m unemployed, and I hate that, even though there isn’t much for me to do here. Small town, dimbulbs mostly.

Every time I drive my truck it’s illegal, because it won’t pass inspection. Thank God I know the local police and can avoid their routine.

My liver has been out for over five years. Saw a documentary in which a woman, 60 yo, 5 years sober, had her liver crap out. Yup, that’s probably me I say. She got a transplant. Morally, I say no way in hell I would go for that. Plus I hate doctors, lol. Tried to get a colonoscopy last year, wound up in the ER with withdrawal. All I wanted was orange juice, orange juice. Thanks ER doc for the Ativan, I went out to lunch and choked on my salad. Seriously, thanks. It worked.

Guess I don’t know what I’m doing wrong. Guess I don’t know what I’m doing right.

Give it to me. Massive humility, probably. Trouble is, I pour that over myself every day, with massive hammer blows included.
Pelagic263 is offline  
Old 03-29-2017, 08:36 AM
  # 2 (permalink)  
Hears The Voice
 
Nonsensical's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Unshackled
Posts: 7,901
Originally Posted by Pelagic263 View Post
Guess I don’t know what I’m doing wrong.
You're drinking and you think it's because of Pennsylvania truckers.

Originally Posted by Pelagic263 View Post
Guess I don’t know what I’m doing right.
You are posting here.

Where will you be in 2 years, and how are you going to get there?
Nonsensical is offline  
Old 03-29-2017, 08:43 AM
  # 3 (permalink)  
Canine Welfare Advocate
 
doggonecarl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,961
Not sure what you are doing for your recovery. You have been active in your newcomer's class. Is that support enough?

You say you are feeling low. From the position, everything looks insurmountable. But if you stand up, take stock, and start tackling the things that are problems, the hurdles aren't quite so high. Start with your recovery.
doggonecarl is offline  
Old 03-29-2017, 10:13 AM
  # 4 (permalink)  
under new management
 
2ndhandrose's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2015
Location: Calgary, Alberta
Posts: 2,338
Originally Posted by Pelagic263 View Post
Guess I don’t know what I’m doing wrong. Guess I don’t know what I’m doing right.

Give it to me. Massive humility, probably. Trouble is, I pour that over myself every day, with massive hammer blows included.
I don't think beating ourselves up when we are already down (or anytime) is helpful.

Posting here is definitely right and to continue posting is a very good thing.

I am thinking about you today, please don't give up.

2ndhandrose is offline  
Old 03-29-2017, 01:19 PM
  # 5 (permalink)  
Member
 
teatreeoil007's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2015
Location: America
Posts: 4,136
Have you looked into the possibility you could be depressed? You could be drinking to deal with depression. The way you describe your life right now...that could be a big contributor to depression. I know you hate Dr.s, but you probably do need to see one.
teatreeoil007 is offline  
Old 03-29-2017, 05:46 PM
  # 6 (permalink)  
Member
 
PhoenixJ's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: Adelaide, Australia
Posts: 28,517
Hi Pelagic, I know you have the smarts to do this. Welcome back. Empathy and support to you, my friend. PJ
PhoenixJ is offline  
Old 03-29-2017, 05:52 PM
  # 7 (permalink)  
Administrator
 
Dee74's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,058
Hi Pelagic

I don't believe that you or anyone else here is doomed. That's just drink talk designed to make more drinking easier.

They say if you're in a hole, stop digging.
Whats it going to take for you to stop digging?

Adding the Class of March 17, committing to posting here daily and especially when you feel you're in danger, Dr, counsellor, AA or some other group..rehab inpatient or outpatient?

None of those ideas might seem attractive but when you're drowning you don;t quibble about the colour of the lifeboat.

I understand pride but seriously - we've all been where you are... or worse.

You'll find compassion here, not judgement - sounds like you have that end of things pretty tied up anyway.

stop beating yourself up - you'll need that energy to find, and do, something different

D
Dee74 is offline  

Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off




All times are GMT -7. The time now is 03:12 AM.