Thinking of doing an intervention
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2017
Posts: 1
Thinking of doing an intervention
Hello
I am thinking of doing an intervention on my spouse. I'm sure like many stories it long and complicat d so I won't go Into details. Recently I started reading on detaching with love and all of it points to knowing we can't fix or cure them and that is has to come from them. The problem is we have children and I am 100 percent financially dependent on him and his using is making everything fall apart. Do I continue with a professional intervention or detach with love and know that when he is ready he will get help. Should I meet with someone that can help me figure out finances so that he isn't responsible for them and doesn't F every single thing up all the time. Please give honest advice. I have been so scared of doing the intervention in fear that he will minimize and say I am crazy and hormonal or even worse not care to get treatment and not care if we separated
I am thinking of doing an intervention on my spouse. I'm sure like many stories it long and complicat d so I won't go Into details. Recently I started reading on detaching with love and all of it points to knowing we can't fix or cure them and that is has to come from them. The problem is we have children and I am 100 percent financially dependent on him and his using is making everything fall apart. Do I continue with a professional intervention or detach with love and know that when he is ready he will get help. Should I meet with someone that can help me figure out finances so that he isn't responsible for them and doesn't F every single thing up all the time. Please give honest advice. I have been so scared of doing the intervention in fear that he will minimize and say I am crazy and hormonal or even worse not care to get treatment and not care if we separated
Member
Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: Adelaide, Australia
Posts: 28,637
I would suggest prof. intervention and counselling. That way- legal, emotional support covered- and you maintain safety. Love has little to do with rational thought, safety, addiction or addictive behaviours. I respect the financial bit- but where will you be in 10 years? An addict (of any kind) who can stop- become sober by themselves with only will power is a rare creature indeed.
Support to you.
Support to you.
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Should I meet with someone that can help me figure out finances
I am so sorry you are going through all this and my prayers go out for all of you.
Interventions are a rough road to go, if you do decide to do one please get professional advice.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 5,103
I think the being 100% financially dependent on an addict is the main issue here. That's a tremendous gamble and the solution isn't getting him clean and sober so that life as you know it can continue. Life as you know it must change and include you becoming financially independent on your own.
Even if a professional intervention were to work for now, addiction is life long and relapse is always going to be part of that big picture.
Would you be able to become employable? Do you have a work background that you can either enhance via class's courses to get up to speed in your field?
In the mean time I would talk with an attorney and see how you may be able to protect the finances before they could become depleted.
Even if a professional intervention were to work for now, addiction is life long and relapse is always going to be part of that big picture.
Would you be able to become employable? Do you have a work background that you can either enhance via class's courses to get up to speed in your field?
In the mean time I would talk with an attorney and see how you may be able to protect the finances before they could become depleted.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
i'd START with an attorney. being completely dependent on another puts you in a very difficult situation. add to that him being an unreliable out of control addict, and it's not a pretty picture.
unless you have a plan B, and a lot of support, you aren't likely to come out of this well. can you support yourself? do you have marketable skills? do you have family that can help?
the chances of an intervention working are slim. it is recommended that one is done with the help of a professional interventionist and that you are SOLID on the outcome - either he gets help......OR.....you can no longer have him as part of the household.
unless you have a plan B, and a lot of support, you aren't likely to come out of this well. can you support yourself? do you have marketable skills? do you have family that can help?
the chances of an intervention working are slim. it is recommended that one is done with the help of a professional interventionist and that you are SOLID on the outcome - either he gets help......OR.....you can no longer have him as part of the household.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2015
Location: PA
Posts: 68
Hi, and very sorry that you are in the position you are in.
I would tread very lightly on doing an intervention. Just know that if you do this he will almost likely walk out. We had an intervention for my Son almost 2 years ago. He was what you would call a "functioning addict" but, was slowly spiraling out of control.
It was the roughest thing our family has ever had to do. Of course, he walked out which, we then could have no contact with him. I believe he hit bottom. He lost everything...family...home...job.....everything!!! !!
You must make sure that you and your children are protected financially and that you are able to walk away and let him fall.....maybe over and over again.
The intervention that we did was not cheap...could have gone to a very nice carribean vacation.......just to have him walk away.
Just know that if you do this you can have no contact with him, help him in any way until he agrees to go for treatment.
Prayers for you and your family....
I would tread very lightly on doing an intervention. Just know that if you do this he will almost likely walk out. We had an intervention for my Son almost 2 years ago. He was what you would call a "functioning addict" but, was slowly spiraling out of control.
It was the roughest thing our family has ever had to do. Of course, he walked out which, we then could have no contact with him. I believe he hit bottom. He lost everything...family...home...job.....everything!!! !!
You must make sure that you and your children are protected financially and that you are able to walk away and let him fall.....maybe over and over again.
The intervention that we did was not cheap...could have gone to a very nice carribean vacation.......just to have him walk away.
Just know that if you do this you can have no contact with him, help him in any way until he agrees to go for treatment.
Prayers for you and your family....
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