Ekohe

As if I went on autopilot and bypassed all my defenses, I had a slip last night and drank 8-10 beers. That makes my second since August last year and I am more than displeased with myself. I believe it partially has to do with my therapist letting me go(in early january), and all the stress of starting my own business this year. Whatever the case may be, I have to make adjustments to my plan. Unfortunately AA was not for me, I will look into SMART. I also have to find something new to take away my stress as I can not do weight lifting due to injury, and that used to be my outlet.

Safe to say I'm paying for it today, my anxiety is 10 fold, heart is racing and I am terrified.

I will do better. I want to look back later and say, "I'm glad I quit at 26".

Thank you for reading.

MrMcTell

Good for you. I don't think I have seen anyone who wishes they would have waited longer before quitting.

That's the age I should have quit, for sure. But let my life drift for another decade...

Delilah1

Glad you came right here and posted today. You will be very glad you stopped at 26!

Ekohe

This forum, and all the people in it are special to me. I need to hold myself accountable, I could have easily said to myself, "oh its just one slip a couple months, no big deal." This would be idiotic. I can not moderate, I know this. I have been good since august at not picking up anything to drink, I just have to work a little harder obviously.

FreedomCA

Sorry to hear about your slip. Good for you for getting right back on track and not letting it become a long relapse.

PhoenixJ

SoberLeigh

Glad that you came right back, Ekohe?

Have you tried meditation for stress and anxiey?

Mattq2

Ekohe,
Everyone is right. Good that you got back here and can start again. You can do it.

Ekohe

Thank you Mattq2, I appreciate that.

SoberLeigh, I have started to do some meditation at home. It really does help with the anxiety, I may also give yoga a try.

Dee74

Whats your plan look like Ekohe? Maybe we can help beef it up?

D

Ekohe

Looking into SMART and getting back into sessions with a therapist to deal with my underlining anxiety which is still very prevalent in my life. Also to spend more time on here, that really helped me achieve six months in the past.

Mizzuno

You are going to be ok.

I started to deal with my alcohol issue at your age or maybe younger. Sobriety would stick for a bit and then off to the races I went. Its been a huge battle for the last decade. There is serious truth being told when people say alcoholism progresses. I can attest to this.

It will serve you well to stay on this path of abstinence. We all need a plan and we all need support. Do you have people in your life who are supportive that you can speak to f2f? Keep fighting the good fight. We are here for you.

Ekohe

Thank you mizz, I mean it.

I have an amazing brother, who has been dealing with severe depression on and off the last 10 years, but has always had my back. My mother is an angel, and has helped me stand back up too many times in my life, I am extremely grateful to have them. Unfortunately most of my 'friends' are my drinking buddies, so I have to let them go which is hard as I have known them most of my life, but they know my issues and continue to invite me out when they are drinking heavily.

Dee74

It's an illogical fear but a very real one that if we move on from our drinking buddy mates that we'll never make any more.

You absolutely will - and the friendships will be real ones based on deeper things than drinking

D

FreeOwl

AA wasn't for me at 26 either.

By 40 I realized AA has something for everyone who wants sobriety.

Hevyn

Ekohe - I'm sorry you're disappointed, but very glad you wanted to talk about what happened. I did it myself a couple of times, even though I knew my life depended on stopping for good. (I was much older.) The last time was the final time - it was as if it almost needed to happen. I was disgusted & more determined than ever. You're doing this.

Mizzuno

At some point you may realize these friends may not be "true" friends to you. Even though you have known them your whole life, it doesnt mean they have your best interest in mind. They may be struggling with their own issues that are not even "clear" to them yet.

You have the power to make a different decision everyday. I have that power as well. Lets take this day into a restful night of sleep. No hangovers!

Ekohe

You're all very right.

Dee,
you have always had positive things to say to me, and great advice. You're very right, I have alot of interests that none of the current "friends" have interests in such as canoeing, camping ect. I have a lot to gain by rethinking my current circle. Tough decisions come in life as I've learned.

Hevyn,
Thank you for the encouraging words, they are needed. I keep being told by my family, and even my doctor "You are young, you have time to make the right decisions" This is a dangerous way of thinking. I have learned through the death of a close family friend what I can look forward too if I don't get this under control now.

Mizz,
You are so right. I believe they do, and I need to start making healthy decisions, like I do outside of drinking and who I choose to surround myself with. Life long friends or not, I am not the best me around them. I do not blame them, as I know it is my hand that brings the first drink to my mouth, but when I was separated from them I held 6 months without a drop. I understand isolation is not good for the mind, and have a few acquaintances who share a lot of interests and they do not drink. Maybe I give one of them a call this weekend instead.

Thanks again everyone

Anna

If you want a boost with your meditation, Deepak Chopra & Oprah have one of their Free 21 Day Meditation series starting April 10th. You can google it, easy to register, very well done and inspirational. I've done several of the series and just love it.

I'm glad that you posted and are back here working on your recovery.