2muchpain

Why do I think people are thinking bad about me? I mean, I'm a decent person, treat everybody with respect and wouldn't hurt a soul. I treat people the way I want to be treated. But for some unknown reason, I think people see me as someone to be avoided. I have no problem with people at work or at the gym. I get along fine with all of them. I always have good conversations with people when I'm shopping. No problems. Why do I feel like I'm such a bad person when everything around me tells me I'm not? The only person that seems to have a problem with me is me. Why can't I see me the way others do? It's like when I used to go to AA meetings a long time ago. Whenever I sensed that others' opinions of me weren't good (probably wrong), I'd blame myself for the problem and beat on myself for not living up to their expectations. I know I'm a good person but that doesn't seem to matter. I tell myself to get over it and kick myself to move on, but it's tough. This really sucks. John

2muchpain

I'm so tired of taking a club and beating myself at the end of the day. I appreciate the hard work I have put into getting this far and all the people that have helped me along the way, but this battle is getting old and I'm about wore out. Maybe time to through in the towel. John

VigilanceNow

Hi John,

I would venture to say most of us have this problem at some point or another. I know for myself, I have a lot of shame and guilt from drinking episodes... They weigh on my conscience and that often affects my self-esteem. I don't know if that's the case for you, but either way it sounds like you should get up and do something enjoyable! You're focusing a lot on the negative and making a lot of assumptions. You deserve to feel better!

Anna

I think it comes down to the fact that you are looking outside of yourself for approval. This is what addicts do, it's what I did. As long as you look for approval outside of yourself, you will struggle. You don't need coworkers, neighbours, friends to tell you that you are okay. That is something you need to believe and give to yourself. You are okay just as you are. It's that simple, yet it's very hard for some of us to accept.

VigilanceNow

Throw in the towel?? What do you mean

2muchpain

I want to add to my OP that I have had many advantages that others have not and I am grateful for that. I have been through a lot to accompolish that and I am very proud of that. I've worked my tail off to get here. But unfortunately educational and professional accomplishments (sp?) don't mean much when dealing with an addiction. I know there are many things that would make me feel like I'm worth something, like volunteering for meals on wheels, or helping at shelters, but I know all I'll see is people seeing me as not worth it. I don' t know why I see myself as garbage when I've done so much for so many. John

2muchpain

Sobriety doesn't seem to have a lot of benefits. I'm sure that continued drinking will have an effect on my health, but at my age, I just don't see a big deal to that. Look, I've traveled a lot, met many people and had a career that helped many people. I'm blessed. Ready to go. John

doggonecarl

Building self esteem is an inside job. I think a professional--counselor or psychiatrist--is needed.

Lava256

Have you been in counselling? Your thoughts and feelings about yourself are clearly skewed and there's definitely an underlying reason. You can get help for that.

Seren

Hi John,

I have a tendency to dissect every interaction I have. I wonder "what did they mean by that?" "Maybe I made them mad?" This train of thought will go on for quite a while if I let it. Some days are better than others. It is part of my self-esteem struggles. And, as someone said earlier, attempts to gain worth from others when it should be self-worth.

To a certain extent, we all have that internal dialog. It is what some who struggle with addiction refer to as the AV.

I also hold myself to a much higher standard than what I expect from others. An impossible standard, really.

All this, and I am not an alcoholic--although it runs in my family.

I hate to quote Dr. Phil, but he sometimes says "We wouldn't worry so much about what others think about us if we realized how infrequently they do." And if you think about how often you spend thinking about others in a critical way, you begin to realize its true.

We all have our own dragons to fight. If someone is short with me, it is more likely that they are having a bad day for something that has absolutely nothing to do with me than that they think I am an annoying, worthless person.

Maybe try to write down all the good things you have done that day and just feel good about that. Then do it again tomorrow...

Please take good care! S

Lava256

I'm sure you've read some of the stories of recovery on here and for sure, things could be worse. Sounds like you're saying drinking is the worst that could happen to you at this point in your life but you're wrong. If you do continue or restart to drink, it could get much much worse.

Lava256

This right here is spot on. I too used to replay conversations and incidents over and over again in mind; wondering what others thought about me, etc. Now, when it starts to happen, I quickly and deliberately shut it down. It's no use dwelling on past events, real or imagined. You gain nothing from it.

2muchpain

Thanks everybody for your advice. I had this same attitude back when I was teaching. Nearly drove me nuts. I think that I recently took a wrong turn and ended up back to that kind of thinking. It's seems easy to go back into old thinking without ever knowing it. Thanks for getting me back on track. John