Can someone tell me I have a drink problem
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 60
Can someone tell me I have a drink problem
My best mate started rehab last yet. It was obvious he had a drink problem as he used to drink every single day and when he went to rehab, he was in a really bad state and probably close to death. I'm proud he's now gone 9 months with no drink.
For me, I drink 2 or 3 times a week. It's less obvious that I have a drink problem, and most of my friends drink as much as me. Everybody was always telling my mate he needed to give up, but sometimes friends even seem surprised when I give up for a few weeks. But I regularly wake up with a hangover, and drink aggravates my depression and I know my mind should be clearer and life should be more enjoyable than it is now.
Partly friends might not realise because I often drink on my own after getting back from the pub so I'm not that drunk until I go to bed at 2am. And part of this is the drink controlling my thoughts because I'm afraid of giving up as drink has defined a lot about who I've been in the past.
I'm going to go to an A-A meeting in the next week or two, but in some ways I might feel like an imposter - when others have worse problems than me. I don't really consider myself as an alcoholic. But I just want to give up - is that enough to attend the meeting?
Just looking for some support really, and then hopefully I can meet some people who will be more supportive in my quest to give up.
For me, I drink 2 or 3 times a week. It's less obvious that I have a drink problem, and most of my friends drink as much as me. Everybody was always telling my mate he needed to give up, but sometimes friends even seem surprised when I give up for a few weeks. But I regularly wake up with a hangover, and drink aggravates my depression and I know my mind should be clearer and life should be more enjoyable than it is now.
Partly friends might not realise because I often drink on my own after getting back from the pub so I'm not that drunk until I go to bed at 2am. And part of this is the drink controlling my thoughts because I'm afraid of giving up as drink has defined a lot about who I've been in the past.
I'm going to go to an A-A meeting in the next week or two, but in some ways I might feel like an imposter - when others have worse problems than me. I don't really consider myself as an alcoholic. But I just want to give up - is that enough to attend the meeting?
Just looking for some support really, and then hopefully I can meet some people who will be more supportive in my quest to give up.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2015
Location: PA
Posts: 588
Hi Andy - don't ever feel like an imposter, just because you haven't got it as bad as someone else. Consider yourself lucky and self aware. If you weren't, it would get that bad. Would you rather do that and feel like you belong?
Good first step coming here. It's a great site with great people. Come back when you need support, or even when you don't, to store some away for a rainy day.
Good first step coming here. It's a great site with great people. Come back when you need support, or even when you don't, to store some away for a rainy day.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
I think if you want to stop drinking, that is good enough reason to stop drinking. You don't need a label or definition of the severity of your drinking problem.
It sounds like you're on an unhealthy path that is also a very slippery slope.
In AA meetings and in their literature it is stated, "The only requirement for membership is a desire to stop drinking."
Go for it.
It sounds like you're on an unhealthy path that is also a very slippery slope.
In AA meetings and in their literature it is stated, "The only requirement for membership is a desire to stop drinking."
Go for it.
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Welcome back to SR andy. As others have mentioned already, all you need to have is a desire to quit. How much you drink or what other people think is not really relevant - if you think drinking is a problem for you and you want to quit, then that's all you need.
Canine Welfare Advocate
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
Originally Posted by andy1 
I don't really consider myself as an alcoholic.
But you must be having problems quitting. You been a member of SR for three years. And with that, some level of dependence on alcohol.
That dependence only gets worse. Call it whatever you want, quitting is probably a wise decision. Now you just have to find a way to support that decision and stick to it.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,463
No one can tell you that you have a problem with alcohol.
It's something that you must address yourself. It's hard to stop drinking and you need lots of motivation to make it work and that motivation has to come from you.
It's something that you must address yourself. It's hard to stop drinking and you need lots of motivation to make it work and that motivation has to come from you.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 60
Thanks for the replies. Yes, been on soberrecovery for 3 years, and not made much progress. Drinking does negatively affect my life and I've known that for a while. I guess I finally feel ready to show the determination that I need to stop. Not sure how long it will take but it feels this is the start of a journey.
I'm going to have to make changes to what I do with my freetime, I also think going to A-A meeting and meet similar people who want to give up will be an important step. And it's time to take more responsibilities for changing my life for the better. Hope to post here more often in the next few weeks and months.
I'm going to have to make changes to what I do with my freetime, I also think going to A-A meeting and meet similar people who want to give up will be an important step. And it's time to take more responsibilities for changing my life for the better. Hope to post here more often in the next few weeks and months.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2017
Posts: 514
Glad you're posting! The term alcoholic is something no one wishes to assign themselves.. but to me, if you're questioning if it's a problem, that's evidence enough that it most likely is. In fact most of my friends will say things like "I have a bad relationship with alcohol," but won't just come out and say the truth: I'm an alcoholic. I've been in meetings where people have horror stories, and I don't have that... But there are always that I can relate to. Remember to relate, not compare :-) your story is just as real and valid as anyone else's!
Trudgin
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 6,348
Early in AA history there was a lot of fear about allowing new members who weren't "pure alcoholics." Soon though it became an overriding principle that everyone who seeks help should have the opportunity to find it within the fellowship. "Who dared to be judge, jury and executioner of his own sick brother."*
A suggestion that is retold all over the world to newcomers is listen for the similarities in others stories, not the differences. I find as I gain in humility and empathy there is always a common thread.
Willingness, honesty and openmindedness are the essentials.
* Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions - pg 141
A suggestion that is retold all over the world to newcomers is listen for the similarities in others stories, not the differences. I find as I gain in humility and empathy there is always a common thread.
Willingness, honesty and openmindedness are the essentials.
* Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions - pg 141
Now what?
Join Date: Feb 2017
Location: Oregon Coast
Posts: 100
The BB is "meant to be suggestive only." Page 164.
The only requirement for A.A. membership is a desire to stop drinking. Tradition three.
("Our membership ought to include all who suffer alcoholism. Hence we may refuse none who wish to recover. Nor ought A.A. membership ever depend upon money or conformity. Any two or three alcoholics gathered together for sobriety may call themselves an A.A. group, provided that, as a group, they have no other affiliation.")
"This is a sweeping statement indeed; it takes in a lot of territory. Some people might think it too idealistic to be practical. It tells every alcoholic in the world that he may become, and remain, a member of Alcoholics Anonymous so long as he says so. In short, Alcoholics Anonymous has no membership rule."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~
You write "but in some ways I might feel like an imposter - when others have worse problems than me. I don't really consider myself as an alcoholic. "
Or you might not.
How do you know? (you're making comparisons inside assumptions)
You don't have to.
The only requirement for A.A. membership is a desire to stop drinking. Tradition three.
("Our membership ought to include all who suffer alcoholism. Hence we may refuse none who wish to recover. Nor ought A.A. membership ever depend upon money or conformity. Any two or three alcoholics gathered together for sobriety may call themselves an A.A. group, provided that, as a group, they have no other affiliation.")
"This is a sweeping statement indeed; it takes in a lot of territory. Some people might think it too idealistic to be practical. It tells every alcoholic in the world that he may become, and remain, a member of Alcoholics Anonymous so long as he says so. In short, Alcoholics Anonymous has no membership rule."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~
You write "but in some ways I might feel like an imposter - when others have worse problems than me. I don't really consider myself as an alcoholic. "
Or you might not.
How do you know? (you're making comparisons inside assumptions)
You don't have to.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
andy, the only requirement for membership to AA is a desire to stop drinking.
the only requirement to attend a meeting is a desire to stop drinking.
AA has a book titled,"alcoholics anonymous"- usually called the big book.
it in, the 1st 164 pages describes quite a bit about the underlying symptoms of alcoholism and steps to recover.
after that are personal stories with the second set of stories titled,"they stopped in time." here is the intro:
Among today"s incoming A.A. members, many have never reached the advanced stages of alcoholism, though given time all might have.
Most of these fortunate ones have had little or no acquaintance with delirium, with hospitals, asylums, and jails. Some were drinking heavily, and there had been occasional serious episodes. But with many, drinking had been little more than a sometimes uncontrollable nuisance. Seldom had any of these lost either health, business, family, or friends.
Why do men and women like these join A.A.?
The seventeen who now tell their experiences answer that question. They saw that they had become actual or potential alcoholics, even though no serious harm had yet been done.
They realized that repeated lack of drinking control, when they really wanted control, was the fatal symptom that spelled problem drinking. This, plus mounting emotional disturbances, convinced them that compulsive alcoholism already had them; that complete ruin would be only a question of time.
Seeing this danger, they came to A.A. They realized that in the end alcoholism could be as mortal as cancer; certainly no sane man would wait for a malignant growth to become fatal before seeking help.
Therefore, these seventeen AAers and hundreds of thousands like them, have been saved years of infinite suffering. They sum it up something like this: "We didn't wait to hit bottom because, thank God, we could see the bottom. Actually, the bottom came up and hit us. That sold us on Alcoholics Anonymous."
the only requirement to attend a meeting is a desire to stop drinking.
AA has a book titled,"alcoholics anonymous"- usually called the big book.
it in, the 1st 164 pages describes quite a bit about the underlying symptoms of alcoholism and steps to recover.
after that are personal stories with the second set of stories titled,"they stopped in time." here is the intro:
Among today"s incoming A.A. members, many have never reached the advanced stages of alcoholism, though given time all might have.
Most of these fortunate ones have had little or no acquaintance with delirium, with hospitals, asylums, and jails. Some were drinking heavily, and there had been occasional serious episodes. But with many, drinking had been little more than a sometimes uncontrollable nuisance. Seldom had any of these lost either health, business, family, or friends.
Why do men and women like these join A.A.?
The seventeen who now tell their experiences answer that question. They saw that they had become actual or potential alcoholics, even though no serious harm had yet been done.
They realized that repeated lack of drinking control, when they really wanted control, was the fatal symptom that spelled problem drinking. This, plus mounting emotional disturbances, convinced them that compulsive alcoholism already had them; that complete ruin would be only a question of time.
Seeing this danger, they came to A.A. They realized that in the end alcoholism could be as mortal as cancer; certainly no sane man would wait for a malignant growth to become fatal before seeking help.
Therefore, these seventeen AAers and hundreds of thousands like them, have been saved years of infinite suffering. They sum it up something like this: "We didn't wait to hit bottom because, thank God, we could see the bottom. Actually, the bottom came up and hit us. That sold us on Alcoholics Anonymous."
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 60
Thanks - yes, think I've made a good decision in posting today!
And I do feel lucky that I've come to realise some of the truths before alcoholism approaches being fatal.
- Alcoholism is a progressive desease and it's often very late by the time you realise you have a problem.
- Alcohol never brings anything at all positive to my life. And the alcohol lies to me to try and keep me in the negative spiral.
I tend to care too mcuh about what I think others think about me. The hard thing with alcohol addiction is that it's so socially acceptable and even encouraged. It takes real strength to give up.
I'm not going to say I'm an alcoholic. To be honest, I'm not really sure what that term means, but I am going to admit that I have a drinking problem, and that I drink as a social crutch, and I do have an addiction to it.
But I will go to A-A and meet some people who feel similar to me , and who support me in my decision to give up. I'll let you know how it goes and will regularly visit the forums.
Take care all!
And I do feel lucky that I've come to realise some of the truths before alcoholism approaches being fatal.
- Alcoholism is a progressive desease and it's often very late by the time you realise you have a problem.
- Alcohol never brings anything at all positive to my life. And the alcohol lies to me to try and keep me in the negative spiral.
I tend to care too mcuh about what I think others think about me. The hard thing with alcohol addiction is that it's so socially acceptable and even encouraged. It takes real strength to give up.
I'm not going to say I'm an alcoholic. To be honest, I'm not really sure what that term means, but I am going to admit that I have a drinking problem, and that I drink as a social crutch, and I do have an addiction to it.
But I will go to A-A and meet some people who feel similar to me , and who support me in my decision to give up. I'll let you know how it goes and will regularly visit the forums.
Take care all!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
andy, those folks at AA wont only support ya, they can help ya learn how to live a sober life- can help ya find the underlying issues and how to get rid of em. can help ya learn how to live life on lifes terms, how to laugh and have fun, and also experience peace and serenity.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2017
Location: Toronto
Posts: 35
Forget the labels. As for me, it's all about wanting to feel better, emotionally and physically. Also, on the lighter side, I'm terrified of looking old and tired. Looked in the mirror and scared myself.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
