Tired, frustrated, sober
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2016
Posts: 19
Tired, frustrated, sober
Hey all. I haven't been a big poster on here, truth be told, I haven't been reading much lately either. Sounds funny, but it almost depresses me to read some of the posts.
Anyway, I'm 3 weeks on the wagon. Surprisingly, only the first couple days were the hardest. I was picturing a relapse a few days in, which is what I had typically done. This time around, I decided to at least get through lent, and thus far, by God's grace, I have been doing well. I am currently getting frustrated with alot of things.
I guess I had high hopes of being more ambitious, but I feel pretty tired almost all the time. I have to push myself pretty hard to get through the day. I can't seem to relax enough to fall asleep at night. I need sleep. I do not have the luxury of being able to grab a nap during the day. All of my daily struggles keep me awake, I struggle to try to find solutions to my problems. My wife seems to get on my nerves alot more than she used to.
I worry I don't spend enough time with my kids(ok, I know I don't) I rarely eat a meal with my family. My day starts at 5:30am and I generally don't get in till 9pm or later. I almost work 2 full-time jobs. By my choice. I got myself in a deep enough hole at my night job (feeding cattle) that I have to see it through to try to get back ahead. It's a time killer. Not like I'm screwing off, just alot of time consuming tasks. I used to drink when doing my nightly chores, usually could be relaxed enough by the time I was done that I could sleep, though that wasn't working anymore either.
So here I am. Frustrated with decisions I have made, mad because there actually isn't much I could have done differently. And yet here I am, still frustrated, and tired, and I have to keep going.
I miss the joy I used to get from life, the joy of getting chores done, the joy or self accomplishment of doing my best with the resources I have. I still feel I do the best I can, but I don't feel it is good enough. My family farms, I have always been a little jealous of my brother, he gets to farm for a living, I feel like I have to work twice as hard to get half as far. Don't misread this to mean we don't get along, we get along better than any other brothers I have ever seen, constantly looking out for each other, helping each other whenever we can, ect.
I think part of me still wants to get into the farming full time, but I am terrified of it.
I guess I am probably getting off track now.
I will not drink, I will keep reminding myself why I can't drink, and I will hope that things start to turn around. Both for my own situation and my family's.
That serenity prayer is a tough pill to swallow!
I actually am starting to feel better already, I think just jotting some of my random thoughts down has helped alot.
I wish the best to all of you. I wish there was more I could contribute to this site, but at the moment I am more or less just trying to keep my own head above water. Thanks to all that are here for people like me!
Anyway, I'm 3 weeks on the wagon. Surprisingly, only the first couple days were the hardest. I was picturing a relapse a few days in, which is what I had typically done. This time around, I decided to at least get through lent, and thus far, by God's grace, I have been doing well. I am currently getting frustrated with alot of things.
I guess I had high hopes of being more ambitious, but I feel pretty tired almost all the time. I have to push myself pretty hard to get through the day. I can't seem to relax enough to fall asleep at night. I need sleep. I do not have the luxury of being able to grab a nap during the day. All of my daily struggles keep me awake, I struggle to try to find solutions to my problems. My wife seems to get on my nerves alot more than she used to.
I worry I don't spend enough time with my kids(ok, I know I don't) I rarely eat a meal with my family. My day starts at 5:30am and I generally don't get in till 9pm or later. I almost work 2 full-time jobs. By my choice. I got myself in a deep enough hole at my night job (feeding cattle) that I have to see it through to try to get back ahead. It's a time killer. Not like I'm screwing off, just alot of time consuming tasks. I used to drink when doing my nightly chores, usually could be relaxed enough by the time I was done that I could sleep, though that wasn't working anymore either.
So here I am. Frustrated with decisions I have made, mad because there actually isn't much I could have done differently. And yet here I am, still frustrated, and tired, and I have to keep going.
I miss the joy I used to get from life, the joy of getting chores done, the joy or self accomplishment of doing my best with the resources I have. I still feel I do the best I can, but I don't feel it is good enough. My family farms, I have always been a little jealous of my brother, he gets to farm for a living, I feel like I have to work twice as hard to get half as far. Don't misread this to mean we don't get along, we get along better than any other brothers I have ever seen, constantly looking out for each other, helping each other whenever we can, ect.
I think part of me still wants to get into the farming full time, but I am terrified of it.
I guess I am probably getting off track now.
I will not drink, I will keep reminding myself why I can't drink, and I will hope that things start to turn around. Both for my own situation and my family's.
That serenity prayer is a tough pill to swallow!
I actually am starting to feel better already, I think just jotting some of my random thoughts down has helped alot.
I wish the best to all of you. I wish there was more I could contribute to this site, but at the moment I am more or less just trying to keep my own head above water. Thanks to all that are here for people like me!
A Day at a Time
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Grand Rapids MI
Posts: 6,435
My AA sponsor's words have always stuck with me, "You didn't turn into a drunk in a day and you aren't going to get better in one either." Recovery takes time and there is no way around it. If you stay sober today then today has been a good day.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,476
Congratulations on 3 weeks of sobriety. I do hope that you start to feel more energetic and positive. I know, at 3 weeks, I had a lot of emotional repair work to do in my family and it was very hard to feel that I would ever get beyond it. But, keeping at it every day, as you are, ensures that things will get better for you.
sober style
Join Date: May 2016
Location: San Antonio
Posts: 2,382
3 weeks is super, you're doing great, squirrel. Keep at it.
I hear that farming is a growth industry btw. My parents both come from farming families, still have some aunts and uncles that dabble in it back in Missouri.
I hear that farming is a growth industry btw. My parents both come from farming families, still have some aunts and uncles that dabble in it back in Missouri.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,384
Hi Squirrel 
If it helps you're pretty much where most of us were around 3 weeks.
This is not the best it's going to be
Things got a lot better for me after 30 days - I hope they will for you too.
Maybe try and think a little more about balance too?
2 jobs or not, you deserve some downtime
D
If it helps you're pretty much where most of us were around 3 weeks.
This is not the best it's going to be
Things got a lot better for me after 30 days - I hope they will for you too.
Maybe try and think a little more about balance too?
2 jobs or not, you deserve some downtime
D
2/2016
Join Date: Oct 2016
Location: Texas
Posts: 582
Early on I was tired. I just tried to get through as best I could. It really does get better, now I have alot more energy and so much more pride and self-confidence. I am just over a year sober. You can do this!
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