Barracuda7

One week of not drinking, dealing with the side effects of fatigue, sleeping a lot, and excessive night sweating. I felt pretty good despite this, but today I took a job subbing in a local high school with Special Education classes. Very difficult groups, though I usually have no discipline problems. I did today. I should add, I haven't subbed a lot due to the drinking, but felt I was ready. I can certainly use the extra income, but I came out of the school feeling like I'd been beaten up. Stopped by the convenience store (counseling myself to continue driving by) like a homing pigeon. Got my usual large can 6 pack of Bud Light.

I'm very disappointed with myself, and ashamed.

One thing I realized about the nature of subbing, after today, is to only take jobs in schools with which I'm familiar. Never any problems there. That doesn't excuse what I'm doing, sitting here with a beer, but I'm a wreck.

WizingUp

Dump 'em out! You made it a week. I have done that twice in 17 years of heavy drinking.

Trees39

Throw it away. It's making you feel awful

biminiblue

Yeah, dump 'em.

Learning to live with whatever life sends your way starts now.

I would say that your early sobriety caused the over-reaction. That dies down. I over-reacted to everything in the first month.

Every time you go back to drinking it resets.

Dump 'em.

LBrain

If you felt you needed a drink to take the edge off from a stressful day, why did you feel the need to get 3 quarts? That's called drinking in advance.

tomls

Reload. Start again in the morning? Try 24 hour connections to get your day started right!

Maudcat

Hi, Barracuda. Welcome. Subbing is tough. Special education is tough at times. Put them together.
Ka-boom.
I taught at an independent school. High achieving parents, high expectations of students. I didn't have a lot of discipline issues. When I did, it would bother me for days!
I know very well the Gotta Have a Drink! Stat! Feeling. I'm not going to tell you to put the drink down.
But I hope that you can reflect on what didn't go well today so that, hopefully, you can avoid it happening again and you can get back on the sober bus with us. Peace.

PhoenixJ

post instead

Sasha4

You need to trust yourself that you can get by issues or events that are difficult without resorting to drink.

It takes time, but you will get there if you want to.

I used to look for reasons to drink.
A bad day at work.
A row with my partner.
A large bill that needed paying.
A misunderstanding with a family member.

I think I engineered reasons to drink now when I look back.

Getting stuck in traffic is not a reason to drink a bottle of vodka, but to me it gave me the best excuse to do just that.

Since I stopped drinking I have got through so much and still kept sober.
My relationship broke up and my partner walked out on me and my daughter who was 4 at the time.
I was made redundant.
I had to move house.
I had financial problems from no job and had to claim benefits.
My daughter had to move schools.
A family member was ill and later died.

If someone had told me before I stopped drinking that I would get through these events without alcohol I would have said they were deluded. Off their rocker!! No way would I have not drunk.

But I did and I still will when something challenging happens again.
Drinking does not fix anything.
You still have to deal with it the next day however in addition your head will be thumping, you will be shaky and feel sick.

Dee taught me this - 'everything will be okay in the end. If it is not okay, its not the end'.

There have been times when that has been played on a loop in my head.
Times when I visually chanted it non stop.
But it is true and it will always be true.

I wish you the best xx

kellyrally

I'm a teacher and definitely feel like it has driven me to the booze over the years, but I guess somehow we have to learn how to deal with whatever stresses come our way right? If we keep drinking to numb the stresses and fears then we will never make progress. Be kind to yourself; accept you have stumbled and carry on. x

oakleaf82

Dump them out! You will look back on this tomorrow and be glad you did. Part of recovery is learning to get through the ups and downs and disappointments without drinking; and finding other coping mechanisms.