Ijustdontknow

My husband is a great guy MOST of the time. He would give anyone anything he has if they need it, even if that means he has to do without, except alcohol. He is 20 years my senior and despite normality he is the one person God has put on earth for me and he feels the same. We have been through more in the past 4 years of a relationship than most people go through in a lifetime. 8 months into marriage he was ran over by a full-size Ford f-150 and it crushed his entire left side. I never left his side. He was flown from site of accident and the truck had to be lifted off of him by a tow truck. He was in ICU for 5 weeks. During which time he had 3 major surgeries. He has 2 screws in his ankle, 2 the length of his pelvis, and 4 metal ribs. Not to mention a busted gut (mesh implanted) which was defective and required another surgery and he still has issues with, and a tracheostomy because his left lung wasn't strong enough to come off the ventilator. After his tracheostomy (on his b-day) he went uphill fast. Within a week (because of lack of insurance) they sent him home. I nursed him back to health. It took months. He still isn't fully recovered, but doing so much better. About 2 months ago our “new” puppy tripped me in the mud & I broke my ankle. It required surgery (a plate and 6 screws) since week 3 post-surgery I have been up, cooking/cleaning etc. Even though the doctor said absolutely no weight bearing for 6 weeks. (Please note it was my choice and was no way influenced by anyone else) my husband is usually encouraging, supportive, loving, PERFECT. He drinks about 1 quart of beer daily before bed. He goes to sleep and doesn't bother anyone ( it's a big step from the first few years of our relationship) (not marriage). However he seems to rarely get abusive. Mentally & physically (please note these the abusive things do not affect me long term, but short term make me look back on life, and my “God sent relationship” it's nothing I can't handle myself, but I guess emotionally it bothers me. He has cut back in his drinking 99% since the day I met him. Most time he goes to sleep. Rarely he sees red and hits me. I defend myself. But I first just try to tell him I love him and don't want to put my hands on him. During these rare times it just makes him madder. I'll go hide I the bathroom and wait for him to fall asleep and he doesn't remember it the next morning. I guess what I'm saying is, hell...idk. he is my soulmate he's my world. We have been through thick and thin, but I just wish for that 0.1% of the time he could see love, not blood. I guess I'm wondering if anyone else has experienced what I am and have fixed it is successfully long term and how?

PhoenixJ

IJDK- trhat sums it up for me- IJDK how to do anything but write I feel compassion for you- with empathy and support. Regardless of physical injuries- no one has the right to cause physical harm to another person. You need to be safe for you. Even if it means removing yourself from that space- to a safe location. A friend, a women's safe-house. No one can abuse another- it is wrong. Call the police, seek professional advice on your options, but do not put up with it. I had very life threatening stuff happen to me. I understand all to well about frustration and pain. Everybody has to be safe. There is also - somewhere at SR a women's only thread. Keep posting. Look after yourself and try to heal safely.

Mattq2

Just,
I'm a fifty something alcoholic man that's made some terrible decisions in my life. Physical abuse of a women or anyone else for that matter is not one of them.

Abuse is not acceptable. You deserve better then that.

chrcarlson

"He drinks about 1 quart of beer daily before bed." A quart of beer was never enough for me or my friends to angry drunk. Most heavy drinkers I know would barely feel 1 quart of beer.

MsCooterBrown

I PRAY you will change your frame of mind. I lived this. It will only escalate. Drinking is absolutely no excuse to harm another!!! I didn't get out soon enough. Ended up with a broken nose ...bruises all over my entire body. After he was done plummeting my face he threw me around like a rag doll. DO NOT WAIT!!! This is NOT a soul mate. This is a sick individual with a violent tendency. I pray you get help. This is nothing you or anyone else can cure.

I agree with chrcarlson. I will put money down that he is secretly drinking ...you may only see the quart. There is something WAY deeper here.

Maudcat

Hi, IJDK, and welcome. Very sorry for your situation and sorry too that your husband was involved in such a bad accident. That has to be painful.
That being said, hitting you is not okay. It is abuse, and punishable by law.
I am sure that you know that you can call the police when he is violent. You can also reach out to your local domestic violence unit for help.
You have options should you wish to take them.

Mattq2

Just , I think alcohol affects everyone differently. It just may be he has anger management issues. I was trying to make the point that there is never an excuse for physical violence with the people we care about.