Missandy

Hi there,

So I'm not sure where to begin, I am the ex of an alcoholic who decided to become sober.
We haven't had the best of relationship him and I, been on and off for about 2 years, but every time we dated his drinking slowed and we spent a lot of time together while he was sober. I fell head over heels instantly for him.
We split about 6 months ago, but he on the last night of his drinking called me excessively and showed up to my house. I was dating someone else and told him, the next day he became sober. That was almost 60 days ago.
Things were going good, I stopped talking to the other man I was dating and focused on my relationship with my A, then one day about 40 days in he called me and ended it. Said it was too much pressure. He could barely stay sober and that I was his higher power and he needed to seek that elsewhere and not in me.
I was devastated, I allowed him back in just to be left again.
I was understanding but as the days passed I grew angry, he left me in a bad spot with no one to help me move, wouldn't talk to me, and kept a dirtbike from my kids because he couldn't be around me.
I am codependent, I am attending therapy and alanon but I'm so angry at him and afraid that now that he is focusing on sobriety and not numbing the pain on our breakup with alcohol that he will truly move on and forget me.
I'm hurt, I'm sad and I'm just lost. We have had no contact for a couple weeks and I just want to know if there are any success stories on rebuilding a relationship after he helps himself and I also help myself.

oakleaf82

I don't have any advice per say, but it is good you are attending therapy and al anon. The bottom line is that you don't control what he does or if he comes back, as he will need to decide for himself where your relationship fits into his sobriety. It sounds like he had thought about that. I would not try to force anything as it seems he needs space to work on himself. I hope you find peace with this situation.

Missandy

Thank you. I appreciate it, it's hard to let go of someone you love and wanted to lend support to on this journey. All I seem to do now is make him angry. Time will tell, and I've left it in gods hands. I have my weak moments like yesterday and today but being a single mom keeps me busy and that seems to help. I'm grateful to have found this site to.

Dee74

I'm sorry for what brings you here but you'll find a lot of support encouragement and wisdom here.

I'm an alcoholic so I understand the priority of my recovery - but do you really want a guy who can drop you like that?

Maybe you deserve better?

D

biminiblue

Yeah, I think if someone breaks up with me it's over. Any hanging on or hoping for "the future" just keeps me stuck. I've done some of that in my younger days, but now as soon as one of us moves on it's a done deal.

Missandy

I have thought the same thing over and over about if I'm that easy to drop why is he even worth it.
I'm 31, married and divorced ( to a recovered heroin addict) see the pattern there, so I sure as hell should know better.
But there is just something about him that keeps that hope, as of now tho, when I'm thinking rationally and not having bad days like I am today, I see it as over and know that I'm in my own recovery from the addiction to him. But I still can't help but wonder, I don't understand an alcoholics Mind and if the anger and happy one minute sad the next are normal in early recovery so I'm trying to not take everything to heart.

Anna

Welcome, and I'm glad you realize that you are in recovery from your addiction to him. You are on your own path to heal and recover and I hope that you find some peace in your life.

MsCooterBrown

My revelation came the other night reading posts. People do become addicted to each other. The drama that plays in. It makes no sense once you are on the other side of it. Now that I am aware ...I will NEVER put myself in that position again. It took us YEARS to break up for good.

Well....and never say never. BUT I MEAN NEVER!!!!

Missandy

It took me 6 years to leave my first husband, so I know the feeling, and there is no way in hell im doing it again with this man. I promised myself that, it's disheartening to me to see that I've fallen back into this same position. After working so hard after my first marriage to get out of it.
It will take time, I just hope and pray he stays away long enough for me to heal and stand up for myself. If I'm supposed to be with him, I will, but not anytime soon, he needs to figure out why he's an alcoholic and I need to figure out myself.

MsCooterBrown

I live in a very small town. I did the no contact rule. It doesn't matter if it is the grocery store...or the bank...or post office...whatever errands I do, I always do a parking lot scan to make sure his truck isn't there. If it is (it happens) then I drive around until he leaves then I go in. No way to live a life but it works. I won't subject myself to him ever again.

Missandy

I live in a huge town, and as hard as I try, he still Happens to be everywhere. We have a ton of mutual friends and work in the same industry so it's hard to avoid him, so I know exactly how that goes.
I have even deleted all social media to regain my sanity without seeing something about him pop up every second.
Props to you for realizing you can be addicted to another person and finally gaining some clarity. These posts and this site has been a lifesaver.