Hopeforme2014

I posted this on another thread and felt like if I wanted any real feedback it should be a thread I start of my own so here goes. For me it's been a million times I have said I was gonna quit...a lot of times I have quit...and a few times I've quit for a substantial amount of time...but I always end up going back....thinking my problem wasn't so bad or I'm pretty sure I have it under control now....only to realize that I don't...I'm on day nine sober now and I am having a hell of a time not drinking....this weekend has been brutal. I just want to numb these feeling of unease and irritability...I hate feeling like there is this internal struggle inside me..."go ahead and drink - no don't drink" that I cannot get to go away. I will never succeed until I can figure out how to shut this off...

I read somewhere today "there is a difference between not drinking and treating your alcoholism." Or something along that line. And that is most likely the missing piece to my messed up puzzle.

I just know that I'm only possible one drunk away from something I cannot undo and it's a huge gamble in taking that first drink and how it will turn out.

You would think that would be enough to put an end to the desire to continue drinking.

Anna

You can do this, and good job on Day 9!

There is a huge difference between not drinking and recovering. I believe that if you make changes in your life to support your recovery, you will be fine. The feelings of unease and irritability will diminish and disappear.

ljc267

I believe you have to truly make up your mind that you are done with alcohol. Then you do it. You put all of your energy into to staying sober and getting your mind and body better. It doesn't matter what method, program or plan you use. They all have their positives and negatives. The point is for you to get better and the only way to start is to stop.

Mattq2

For me, looking back, it was an evolution.

First I had to really want sobriety . Next I failed a bunch but kept learning, adding knowledge and skills, and making adjustments to my plan. Next after seven years of sobriety thought I was cured and drank again. Wrong- big mistake I will never be cured. Now I hope I have a solid proven plan and know I can never drink again.

Most important thing to me was I never gave up no matter how hard it was.

FreeSpirit09

I can identify with the daily struggle and have learned that I have learned to think in an obsessive/compulsive way. This triggers the obsessive/compulsive behavior of drinking, knowing that "sooner" or "later" I will act out my thoughts. So, working with consistently changing my thoughts is my current struggle. This ties into the definition of insanity "doing the same thing and getting the same result".

2ndhandrose

I use SR as my main recovery tool.

I have spent the last 2 plus years pouring over these threads, pondering how, what I am reading, applies to me.

For example; Was I feeling sorry for myself? Did I have resentments eating me up? Was I road blocking myself by not accepting things? What did the concept of "accepting life on life's terms" even mean?

Slowly, I started to have an epiphany here and there, I started to see where my thinking was off base.

It took time. Lots of time and it is still taking time. I would say that for the first year it was mostly about getting through the days. It was not easy to sit with my painful feelings.

But, time takes time, and it gets better. So much better.

I hope and expect this to be a life time journey.

There is hope for you, Hopeforme2014

Forward12

This is true and having a solid recovery plan is very important to make sure you get sober, and stay sober.
You have to put your all into recovery, be it going to AA every day, working the steps, getting a sponsor, perhaps rehab, or self help programs like rational recovery.

Dee74

Hi hopeforme

There's another alternative to trying an control that struggle...and thats to ignore it.

Make you decision to be sober and stay sober and starve that other voice. Don't engage.

Think of it like a TV on in the background or someones radio next door.

Don't feed it and It will die off

In the meantime there's no end of support here - use it

Why not check out the March support thread?

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...rt-one-20.html

Having a recovery plan to refer too may make all the difference - why not try that this time?

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ery-plans.html

No matter how many times you've tried in the past, there's absolutely nothing stopping you getting sober this time and staying that way

D