qtpi

Hi- I am talking with DD and it has been okay theses days, but- well the other night we were talking on facetime and a light bulb went off for me. She said , I really shouldn't get drunk and play with my cat- bad things happen. I said- Are you drunk? Yes she answered, This is my fourth drink. She was home alone. She is 28 years old. I had no idea she was drunk.Myself- I can't get to 3 drinks without passing out. I started thinking of other times and other incidents... and her occasional angry irrational outbursts at me-- and I saw... shock- she is an alcoholic. I will not confront her, try to change her, tell anyone except SR and Alanon. Thank goodness I have Alanon and you guys. I am still in shock. DS won't talk to me- so now I have basically lost both my kids and XAH. Not what I wanted out of life- have to turn my life over to HP now. I wanted to retire, have a happy home life, grandchildren. Alcoholism has ruined that for me. Sad face. Remembering to count my blessings.

Ladybird579

and I saw... shock- she is an alcoholic.

Are you sure? Getting drunk now and then doesn't mean she's an alcoholic.

LexieCat

Agreed. Even getting drunk alone and playing with the cat, or driving drunk, doesn't mean someone is an alcoholic.

It might be a good idea sometime when you are having a good conversation, to mention this one, and say something like, "I'm not going to make a speech, and I don't want you to feel attacked, but I feel I should mention that alcoholism can have a hereditary element to it. So you might want to just stay aware in case it ever feels like you're overdoing it with the booze." And then DROP IT. If she gets mad, just say that's all you have to say, and you're not assuming she is, or will be, an alcoholic, just that you want her to be happy and healthy.

AnvilheadII

I really shouldn't get drunk and play with my cat- bad things happen

my first thought was - what in the hell is she doing to that poor cat???

remember she was raised in a drinking environment.....children learn by what they see. having a few drinks does not MAKE her an alcoholic, and comparing how YOU react to alcohol isn't relevant.

just as you have been thru hell's fire, so have your kids. in younger years, they didn't have a choice - today as young adults they are making choices - good, bad, in between. it is likely they will need a lot more time to sort things out. ACOAs take a LONG time to heal. in fact, as one myself, i'm not sure we ever really do. at 57 i have still have issues with my mom....and she passed away, from liver disease, when i was in my early 30's.

LexieCat

MY first thought was what the hell did that cat do to her???

If you could see the scars on my arms where my beasts have drawn blood, you'd understand.

qtpi

Well Lexi you are right. The cat was attacking her. As far as the alcoholism I just think back on her actions and attitudes over the years. And it makes sense. I am not going to mention it to her. The 3 c s.

qtpi

She is tiny. If she can drink 4 drinks and stay upright and appear sober in her 20s....

Forward12

I don't think there's anything wrong with having a talk with her about it, many people drink, and do so responsibly.
For a "normie" 3-4 drinks and they are pretty wasted, to an alcoholic, that is just getting started.

qtpi

Well actually I did have a talk with her about it a year ago... About the genetic thing. She got defensive. Anyway I do feel like it is hands off. The 3 c s. Anyway what really struck me is I had no idea she was drunk and she was starting her 4th drink. And like I said there have been other times things happened. It just all came together in my head the other night.