Lola1717

Hello, my name (is not) Lola and I am an alcoholic.

I have come on here as I found an article online when searching for AA meetings in my area. Long story short: my grandad was an alcoholic who was AA and was sober for 50 years, my mum is also an alcoholic, my father a heroin addict (who would have thought I would turn out like this lol!). I am 26 years old and have had a long winded past with alcohol abuse from the ripe old age of 14.

I am at a point where I need to seek help and I was wondering if anyone would like to "buddy up" to create a support system. Also any positive stories or inspiration ? I have never been to an AA meeting but I am considering going to one tomorrow during my lunch break. I just am so scared. I can't imagine a life without alcohol. It is my comfort.

I have a wonderful fiancé who doesn't drink and I can tell he judges me when I do. I can honestly say I would choose drink over him at this stage which scares me. I am too embarrassed to admit to him I have a problem. This is what has pushed me to seek help.

I don't know how to end this post, what to say. I'm at a crossroads and I know something has to change but I can't see myself ever giving up this disgusting habit. I hate myself

Done4today

Welcome (not) Lola to SR. There is a lot of support here. Congrats on taking a positive step in sobriety. There is no need to continue to drink or beat yourself up. Everyone here has been where you are and then some. We all are here to help one another. Good luck and many prayers.

PhoenixJ

Lola- hi and welcome. AA is not scary. It is just a bunch of people who have booze problems who help each other by listening and sharing. Sometimes the biscuits are even nice. No one judges. Any feelings of shame or guilt are you directed at yourself- which is normal. Just go and check it out. You do not have to speak or share. If asked to- just say you want to share by listening. There is no pressure. If you cannot afford to 'donate' then do not. Most usually chuck a bit of loose change in the cup/hat/bag- whatever. If you want- go a little early and introduce yourself and say you are nervous. If you have to leave early- no pressure. Make sure to turn your mobile phone to silent. At the end peoples hold hands in a circle and say the serenity prayer. Which is usually put up on the wall for all to read.
I am a 4th generation alchie. Too long to go into my story- well documented here anyway. It is good you have an awareness and an adult approach about wanting to be proactive. Most find will power by themselves is not enough. Addiction defies rational thought.
My empathy and support to you. There are lots of threads here you can look at- the March monthly, 24 hour 'report in' thread, Whiner's anon, a women's only thread (I am a guy btw). Lots of info in the stickies. Keep posting/reading/learning and sharing. Strength in unity. PJ (:-)>

Anna

Hi Lola, Welcome!

I think many of us don't believe we can live without alcohol in our lives and it's a very scary thought. But, I assure you that we do live. In fact, we thrive. I hope that you make the decision to stop drinking and join us in recovery.

january161992

impressive honesty

that along with willingness to follow direction at meetings ...

makes a sober alcoholic

Dee74

Welcome to SR Lola

You'll find lots of support and a few buddies here...I think a community is even better support than one on one?

D