Alcoholic Grandfather.

Old 03-18-2017, 01:39 PM
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Alcoholic Grandfather.

Hello, I am a 29 year old male and I live with my grandparent's and have all of my life. They signed their house over to me and asked me to continue living with them as I am single and never been married. Anyways, my 78 year old grandpa is a raging alcoholic. He only drinks beer, but he starts drinking around 7 am until he passes out. (Usually about 7pm.) He goes through at least a 12 pack a day. I love him like a father, but this is getting to me, especially since he has became elderly and began falling. He broke his hip last spring. He is also very verbally abusive to my grandmother when he drinks. Everyday I come home from work he is wasted. The morning is the only time I see him sober. When he is drunk. he turns the TV up so loud you can hear it all over the house. He also talks to himself, which is very disturbing. I don't want to move out, but I don't know how much more of this I can take. I also don't want to leave my grandparent's because I love them. They raised me because my birth parent's were awful. Sorry for rambling, but I just needed to vent. I actually feel better now.
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Old 03-18-2017, 01:50 PM
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Hi, Laslo, and welcome.

You've got a lot you're dealing with, there. I'd suggest as a first step, getting yourself (and your grandma, if she will go) to Al-Anon. Not only will you find a lot of support there, you can learn ways to deal with the effects of your grandfather's drinking. Has he been a hard drinker/alcoholic all your life, or is this something recent? Does he go to the doctor? You might also find some help from your local agency that provides services for the elderly.

How does grandma cope with all of this?
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Old 03-18-2017, 01:58 PM
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Originally Posted by LexieCat View Post
Hi, Laslo, and welcome.

You've got a lot you're dealing with, there. I'd suggest as a first step, getting yourself (and your grandma, if she will go) to Al-Anon. Not only will you find a lot of support there, you can learn ways to deal with the effects of your grandfather's drinking. Has he been a hard drinker/alcoholic all your life, or is this something recent? Does he go to the doctor? You might also find some help from your local agency that provides services for the elderly.

How does grandma cope with all of this?
Yes, he has been a hard drinker all of my life, although he did have a great career (somehow.) Anyways, they fight all of the time. She leaves for a few days about twice a year, but always ends up coming back. When they fight, he quits drinking about two days, then just starts right back. This has been going on literally all of my life. Sometimes, I just feel like quitting my job, grabbing a backpack and heading out west just to see the world and to get away. Then reality and bills hit me in the face. And yes, he goes to the doctor, but tells them he doesn't drink. They are not stupid though, I'm sure.
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Old 03-18-2017, 02:23 PM
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Might not be a bad idea to clue in the doctors about the extent to which he is drinking. The only person you really have any power to control is yourself. At 29, you should be enjoying your life, not having to ride herd on an alcoholic. Do you go out with friends, have hobbies or interests you spend time on?

I still think Al-Anon is a good idea for you. And, as I said, your grandma if she is willing to give it a try. The fact that these folks raised you doesn't mean you are obligated to sacrifice yourself on the altar of alcoholic behavior. There are social service agencies that can step in to help with care. Could you afford to get your own place?
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Old 03-18-2017, 02:58 PM
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Originally Posted by LexieCat View Post
Might not be a bad idea to clue in the doctors about the extent to which he is drinking. The only person you really have any power to control is yourself. At 29, you should be enjoying your life, not having to ride herd on an alcoholic. Do you go out with friends, have hobbies or interests you spend time on?

I still think Al-Anon is a good idea for you. And, as I said, your grandma if she is willing to give it a try. The fact that these folks raised you doesn't mean you are obligated to sacrifice yourself on the altar of alcoholic behavior. There are social service agencies that can step in to help with care. Could you afford to get your own place?
Yea, I think I could afford it. Also, yeah I go out with friends every now and then.
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Old 03-18-2017, 03:19 PM
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Lasio....I suggest going to your county social services and speak to a social worker ....Also you can try contacting the Council on Aging and find out what services for the elderly are available in your community.....
Also, I like the idea of going to alanon meetings with your grandma......
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Old 03-18-2017, 03:22 PM
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Originally Posted by dandylion View Post
Lasio....I suggest going to your county social services and speak to a social worker ....Also you can try contacting the Council on Aging and find out what services for the elderly are available in your community.....
Also, I like the idea of going to alanon meetings with your grandma......
Speak to a social worker about what?
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Old 03-18-2017, 03:24 PM
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Well, maybe a place that's close enough by that you can sort of keep your eye on their well-being, without having to live with the noise/chaos/drama on a day-to-day basis, might be a very good thing to consider. You could research what services might be able to stop in and do some of the things you've been taking care of. It sounds as if grandma has sort of settled into this routine and escapes when she needs to. But she should know about Al-Anon and other sources of help.

I don't know how bad the "verbal abuse" is, or how much that might be harming her, but if you could help put her in contact with your local women's shelter, they might be able to provide her with some assistance, too.

Hope you will stick around here--this is a great place for support.
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Old 03-18-2017, 05:09 PM
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Hi, Laslo. Welcome. Observing the enmeshed, enabling interactions of family members is tough. My alcoholic brother lives with my mother. They both have some mental breakdown, and it is really hard to see them together at times. My sib is a total a**hat at the best of times. When he drinks, well, you can just imagine.
He and my mom have a go every once in a while, when she gets fed up with his malarkey.
Do I step in? Do I not?
I have decided that the choice she made to let him live with her (and my father, who died a few years ago) was their choice. It was the wrong one, in my opinion, but it was their choice.
I try to help my mom as much as I can. Basically, though, it's not my circus, not my monkeys.
As sad as the situation is, your grandfather is not going to change his ways at this point in his life, nor will your grandmother. Sorry.
Al-Anon is a really good source of support. Everyone sitting in the chairs has a story similar to yours, and the experience, strength and hope is strong.
Only you can decide if you should stay in the house or move out, stay close or go far away. There is help out there for elderly people, like meals on wheels, and part time caregivers. I would start with my local Council on Aging. Peace.
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Old 03-18-2017, 06:45 PM
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Hi Laslo, as grateful as you feel to your grandparents, remember that most people leave the nest at some stage as a natural progression in life.
Your grandmother possibly stays with him because you're there to soften the blow, and he makes no real effort to change his ways because he knows she'll return. It may play itself out eventually when he injures himself enough to need care, but how long do you and your g'mother have?
It might be worth sorting out a plan with your g'mother to get her out of her abusive situation, and allowing you to leave.
It doesn't have to be done tomorrow, but the situation is causing you and your g'mother enormous stress, and coming up with a plan, maybe with the help of professionals like social & aged care will at least stop you leaving suddenly with all the fall-out that results.
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