Well, I have a problem
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2017
Posts: 2
Well, I have a problem
Most of this is venting. I don't have anyone I'm comfortable discussing my alcohol issue with, but getting it out there will feel great.
I'm 30. Have a small family. Professional guy, with no real complaints about life. I've drank regularly through my twenties. Moderate drinker, in my opinion. Went from a few drinks each week to about one per day. Stress hit at work in 2014, and that upped it to a couple each day. Escapism, I guess. Still never considered myself as having a problem. I'd be introspective and cautious about drinking. Wondering if I had an issue and didn't know it. Looking back, I really didn't.
So, 2014 turned to 2015. Corporate bankruptcy at the org I was high up in happened. Rural area with a limited, saturated job market. I was unemployed for a year. Thankfully I had the savings to support us, but I suddenly had nothing to occupy my time. I always worked; no hobbies. Ipso facto, I ended up drinking more. To pass the time. To dull the anxiety of what I was facing. To help with insomnia.
I'm lucky that I my habits are fairly controlled. I don't drink and drive. No one knows I have a problem, openly. I think a few people do, but overall, nope. I have that positive societal perception as someone who's fun and enjoys drinking with no negative impacts. But, I need to deal with it. All that introspection I pursued is just hitting me in the face. Can't deny I have a problem.
Thankfully, I found work. Paritiy to where I was, so that drinking to mitigate anxiety isn't a driver. Drinking starts when I get home. One or two to unwind. Another out of boredom. Probably another before bed. Might just drink straight from the bottle if I want to save time versus a cocktail or beer. Weekends usually start at 10 AM. Traveling for work frequently, and I have nothing to do in the evenings. So, I go out and drink.
I don't consider myself as having a major problem. But, I know what that path feels like, I think. Craving and needing, and more leading to more. Never had that before.
So, I'm backing off. Occupying my time is helping. Drinking was always an activity itself, or something I did while in my routine with other activities. Hard to do with no hobbies or interests, but I'm trying. About a week in at this point.
I'm not stopping completely. For whatever reason, I'd prefer to manage myself rather than practice full on avoidance. Seems more difficult, but more sustainable for me personally. Might be doomed, but I'm going this way first. I had a spell in college where I struggled with pretty heavy binge drinking. Got out of the situation I was in, and got back into a typical level of use. Couple drinks per week. I'd like to get back to that.
Need to do something. My luck isn't going to hold on that lack of negative impacts.
I'm 30. Have a small family. Professional guy, with no real complaints about life. I've drank regularly through my twenties. Moderate drinker, in my opinion. Went from a few drinks each week to about one per day. Stress hit at work in 2014, and that upped it to a couple each day. Escapism, I guess. Still never considered myself as having a problem. I'd be introspective and cautious about drinking. Wondering if I had an issue and didn't know it. Looking back, I really didn't.
So, 2014 turned to 2015. Corporate bankruptcy at the org I was high up in happened. Rural area with a limited, saturated job market. I was unemployed for a year. Thankfully I had the savings to support us, but I suddenly had nothing to occupy my time. I always worked; no hobbies. Ipso facto, I ended up drinking more. To pass the time. To dull the anxiety of what I was facing. To help with insomnia.
I'm lucky that I my habits are fairly controlled. I don't drink and drive. No one knows I have a problem, openly. I think a few people do, but overall, nope. I have that positive societal perception as someone who's fun and enjoys drinking with no negative impacts. But, I need to deal with it. All that introspection I pursued is just hitting me in the face. Can't deny I have a problem.
Thankfully, I found work. Paritiy to where I was, so that drinking to mitigate anxiety isn't a driver. Drinking starts when I get home. One or two to unwind. Another out of boredom. Probably another before bed. Might just drink straight from the bottle if I want to save time versus a cocktail or beer. Weekends usually start at 10 AM. Traveling for work frequently, and I have nothing to do in the evenings. So, I go out and drink.
I don't consider myself as having a major problem. But, I know what that path feels like, I think. Craving and needing, and more leading to more. Never had that before.
So, I'm backing off. Occupying my time is helping. Drinking was always an activity itself, or something I did while in my routine with other activities. Hard to do with no hobbies or interests, but I'm trying. About a week in at this point.
I'm not stopping completely. For whatever reason, I'd prefer to manage myself rather than practice full on avoidance. Seems more difficult, but more sustainable for me personally. Might be doomed, but I'm going this way first. I had a spell in college where I struggled with pretty heavy binge drinking. Got out of the situation I was in, and got back into a typical level of use. Couple drinks per week. I'd like to get back to that.
Need to do something. My luck isn't going to hold on that lack of negative impacts.
Meow
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: The Great Lakes State
Posts: 1,585
I was similar to you. Professionally successful. Good family. Never got in trouble.
Drank daily. First 2-3, eventually 6-8. Only in the evening, after work. More habit than anything else - never got really super drunk, just nice and hazy.
Proved to myself multiple times that I could stop any time. No withdrawals. No real struggles. Doubted that I had a real problem - I'm not a traditional falling down drunk, after all.
Then I was diagnosed with fatty liver at 52. In case you're unfamiliar with the condition, it is a precursor to cirrhosis. I have quit for good, and my condition should reverse (thank you resilient liver!).
If you are here and think you may have a problem, you probably do on some level.
Good luck.
Drank daily. First 2-3, eventually 6-8. Only in the evening, after work. More habit than anything else - never got really super drunk, just nice and hazy.
Proved to myself multiple times that I could stop any time. No withdrawals. No real struggles. Doubted that I had a real problem - I'm not a traditional falling down drunk, after all.
Then I was diagnosed with fatty liver at 52. In case you're unfamiliar with the condition, it is a precursor to cirrhosis. I have quit for good, and my condition should reverse (thank you resilient liver!).
If you are here and think you may have a problem, you probably do on some level.
Good luck.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: The Great Outdoors
Posts: 1,992
Yeah sounds like me too. The scary thing is ...once this escalates ...you can't pinpoint where it happened. Especially if you are out of work. I called it the maintenance plan when I was working. Meaning it wasn't morning until bedtime. It seriously got that bad. I think it was transition time for me. Running in the fast lane...high stress job to BOOM. Whole day free. Retirement...I deserved it. Didn't know what to do with myself so I passed the time drinking. Scary how quickly that sneaks up on us. I am all or nothing. I found I prefer nothing. I am getting happy again. Feeling more normal...like myself. Getting to know me because it has been a long time. Just beware...it will bite you in the butt before you know it!! Welcome.
A Day at a Time
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Grand Rapids MI
Posts: 6,435
If you wish, do a search using the key word moderation and you will get 100K results all saying moderation is impossible for any sustained period of time. We've all been there, we've all done that, we all failed.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2017
Posts: 2
Originally Posted by MIRecovery 
If you wish, do a search using the key word moderation and you will get 100K results all saying moderation is impossible for any sustained period of time. We've all been there, we've all done that, we all failed.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: The Great Outdoors
Posts: 1,992
Yeah that moderation is part of the bargaining stages before you realize you must give it up to total sobriety. It goes with I will only have 3 drinks every other night. I will not drink at home. I will only drink on weekends. On and on it goes. Who was I trying to kid...Myself? Hope you find your way Mr. Jimmm. I guess you have to go thru it to get to the other side.
A Day at a Time
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Grand Rapids MI
Posts: 6,435
Originally Posted by jimmm
I appreciate the feedback. It's a step for me, and I'm prepared for it to fail. If I have the same results as so many others here, I'll cut it completely.
MOST OF US have been unwilling to admit we were real alcoholics. No person likes to think he is bodily and mentally different from his fellows. Therefore, it is not surprising that our drinking careers have been characterized by countless vain attempts to prove we could drink like other people. The idea that somehow, someday he will control and enjoy his drinking is the great obsession of every abnormal drinker. The persistence of this illusion is astonishing. Many pursue it into the gates of insanity or death.
We learned that we had to fully concede to our innermost selves that we were alcoholics. This is the first step in recovery. The delusion that we are like other people, or presently may be, has to be smashed.
We alcoholics are men and women who have lost the ability to control our drinking. We know that no real alcoholic ever recovers control. All of us felt at times that we were regaining control, but such intervals-usually brief-were inevitably followed by still less control, which led in time to pitiful and incomprehensible demoralization. We are convinced to a man that alcoholics of our type are in the grip of a progressive illness. Over any considerable period we get worse, never better.
Canine Welfare Advocate
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
Originally Posted by jimmm
I had a spell in college where I struggled with pretty heavy binge drinking. Got out of the situation I was in, and got back into a typical level of use.
I spent the last ten years of my 35 years drinking trying to moderate. Failed. Here's hoping you figure it out sooner.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,554
Welcome jimmm 
. I agree that it's good to talk things over with others who understand. No one else in my life had a problem with alcohol - they were all social drinkers.
When I was in my 30's I knew I didn't drink like normal people. I wish I had stopped back then - my life would have been so different. Instead, I kept trying to use willpower to control what I drank. I was determined to not give it up all together. Years later I found myself completely dependent on it - drinking every day and in real trouble. I'm glad you're taking a hard look at what it does to your life.
. I agree that it's good to talk things over with others who understand. No one else in my life had a problem with alcohol - they were all social drinkers.When I was in my 30's I knew I didn't drink like normal people. I wish I had stopped back then - my life would have been so different. Instead, I kept trying to use willpower to control what I drank. I was determined to not give it up all together. Years later I found myself completely dependent on it - drinking every day and in real trouble. I'm glad you're taking a hard look at what it does to your life.
Blue Belt
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Soberville, USA
Posts: 4,174
Jim,
Welcome.
First off, well done on asking the question. Secondly, knowing you have a problem and wanting to fix it is half the battle.
In my experience....how much and how often you drink...why you drink....all of it...
You are addicted.
Alcohol addiction equals alcoholic. Alcoholic is a medical term that stuck. Crack head, meth fiend, smoker, alky.
You sound very healthy. I quit for 8 months when I was 27. It was so easy, I started drinking again. When I tried to quit at 50, it was a living hell.
Some folks never make it out. Other need rx drugs for the rest of their lives.
I didn't have the internet to teach me, to at least an Associates Degree in Science, all about booze and addiction.
The internet saved my life. SR saved my life.
Look in the mirror, see an addict. It may be the only way you might generate the will power to pull out of the addiction while still strong and relatively young.
It is a progressive process. Eventually, something horrible will happen. Dui, health, domestic issue...something...
We are not designed to drink booze. It is a learned behavior. The govt doesn't care because they make money off your first beer, your DUI fine, all the way to your early demise...they don't have to pay you Social Security.
Think about it.
Get clean.
Thanks.
Welcome.
First off, well done on asking the question. Secondly, knowing you have a problem and wanting to fix it is half the battle.
In my experience....how much and how often you drink...why you drink....all of it...
You are addicted.
Alcohol addiction equals alcoholic. Alcoholic is a medical term that stuck. Crack head, meth fiend, smoker, alky.
You sound very healthy. I quit for 8 months when I was 27. It was so easy, I started drinking again. When I tried to quit at 50, it was a living hell.
Some folks never make it out. Other need rx drugs for the rest of their lives.
I didn't have the internet to teach me, to at least an Associates Degree in Science, all about booze and addiction.
The internet saved my life. SR saved my life.
Look in the mirror, see an addict. It may be the only way you might generate the will power to pull out of the addiction while still strong and relatively young.
It is a progressive process. Eventually, something horrible will happen. Dui, health, domestic issue...something...
We are not designed to drink booze. It is a learned behavior. The govt doesn't care because they make money off your first beer, your DUI fine, all the way to your early demise...they don't have to pay you Social Security.
Think about it.
Get clean.
Thanks.
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