patience15

With tears in my eyes as read everyone's responses he sits two feet away sucking on his vodka and water.... drink one of ?????

I told myself at Christmas things have to change by my birthday or I'm done. My birthday is in May. I got nothing for Christmas (except a card which that's all i told him i wanted since he technically wasn't working) that I understand, however our monies are comingled and it's not as if this holidays was a suprise! I managed to put back mn=oney for my kids grandkids and him...again a planner! Valentine's Day....(his birthday is the day before) I manage to get him his birthday card and Valentines Day card and a Twix bar for his birthday due to lack of money and his wishes. I did not get a card a candy bar a handwritten note nothing! (and i have expressed to him in the past years that I don't need materialistic items, love letters poems etc,,, mean more to me than anything you can buy, i'm simple like that) So i bring it up the next day of how hurt I am. He says well i didn't have any money and I don't know what's in the account (but that friday and the friday before that he had his bottle) ((now mind you this has only come to me TODAY))

Now with my birthday coming up if I don't even get a damn card I am done! You have had since Christmas to sock away $5 each Friday to either get me a card, save for dinner or a simple rose right??? But every Friday he buys that $20 bottle...funny how that just hit me TODAY!! God I hate my brain sometimes!

Today he is being cold and I think he knows something is definately up with me....but not asking and I'm not bringing it up unless he asks...I'm just not doing it! (Stubborn, YES. But not naive either not stirring the poop pot unless I have to, I still have to live here).

I think I have my brain prepared for walking away in May. Now if he happens to redeem himself and actually give a crap I still have thinking to do.....Sigh BIG EYE ROLL!!!

This sounds horrible, however a friend of mine (someone I dated a few times long before I met him) still has feelings for me and we have stayed in contact all this time. Just friends as he moved to California for his job. He offered me to go with him 3 years ago I said no....(Kinda wish i did) over all this time I have really really gotten to know him on so many levels. And he has offered to move me out there with him a place to live etc....with the hopes of more. He simply can not believe the way I am being treated because of the person I am. I know how and what my life would be like with him....taken care of all the way around! Something I have NEVER had. So this is rumbling around in my brain at the same time. I am truly in love with the man I live with, however at the same time I could see myself with my friend....bigger problems, RIGHT???

I keep searching and reading and I will continue to. I'm not jumping from a skillet to a frying pan that's for sure! And my friend knows this and he understands......

What do you guys think about my plan? Shouold I go longer or nip it when I set my time frame? This is going to destroy me....and I'm not looking forward to that at all. The amount of pain i'm gonna be in. Then I have my worries that he we totally lose it and do something stupid...but that's not my fault he and only he can pick himself up, RIGHT? I will alert his best friend the day before so he can be here for him so I don't deal with guilt along with everything else.

I wonder what personality is gonna show up tonight....stay tuned

Refiner

***And he has offered to move me out there with him a place to live etc....with the hopes of more. He simply can not believe the way I am being treated because of the person I am. I know how and what my life would be like with him....taken care of all the way around! Something I have NEVER had***

Nope nope nope. This is entirely the wrong reason to make an abrupt change IMO. Does your current relationship suck? Yes. Should you bail only to cling to a dependency on another man? NO!!

patience15

Thats not what that is.... I do not do rebound relationships at 47! Too old for that....it would simply be two friends living together nothing more unless it gre into something more...I don't jump from the skillet to the frying pan! I was just expressing what is going on. I have too much on my mind. I do go to Califorina to vocal coach for record producers out there....so it's not that big of a step in all honesty. It would just be nice to know someone and have the companionship....you took it completely wrong. But that's okay. Hope I have cleared it up.

I waited 8.5 years for this relationship.....I didn't even date or ANYTHING before then...absoultely nothing....I worked on my career and finsihed raising my kids who now have kids of thier own. My friend is simply that...my friend who i had dinner and drinks with a few times and a GREAT friendship has developed....ugh!!!

he's on drink 5.....stay tuned! Tall glasses 16 oz

Ladybird579

My exah spent $40 a day on himself for alcohol and cigarettes but never had any money for Christmas or my birthday.

I think I have my brain prepared for walking away in May. Now if he happens to redeem himself and actually give a crap I still have thinking to do.....Sigh BIG EYE ROLL!!!

Even if he did "redeem himself" just once does this justify staying? You are unhappy. That should be enough for you to decide to leave.

however a friend of mine (someone I dated a few times long before I met him) still has feelings for me and we have stayed in contact all this time. Just friends as he moved to California for his job. He offered me to go with him 3 years ago I said no....(Kinda wish i did) over all this time I have really really gotten to know him on so many levels. And he has offered to move me out there with him a place to live etc....with the hopes of more.


I'd be wary of doing that. He has the hopes of more. He still has feelings for you. Believe me when I say you need to recover fully before you can be put under the pressure of another relationship. Living with him would give that expectation and you would not be free to carve your own path.

In your position I would make plans to leave on my own terms. Find a place to live alone and don't rely on your friend.

PhoenixJ

empathy and support offered

dandylion

Patience...I hear what you are saying about your "friend". That all sounds fair enough...except for one tiny thing....he has feelings for you...
I can tell you, from my own experience and that of many girlfriends...that if a man has feelings when you are seeing it as platonic....that "tiny thing" can grow into a giant obstacle in the relationship. It can grow into uneven expectations and can fester into silent resentments....
Trust me...you can think that it is just like any other 2 roommates....but, for the one that has feelings of more...it is not the way they look at it.....(down deep)....
I have seen more than one friendly relationship ruined because of this....

My suggestion....live in a small refrigerator box, until you can get more clarity...
I am kind of joking, of course.....kind of.....

Nata1980

Why wait till May?

As for CA friend - nothing wrong with staying where you are and keep communication open.