It's amazing how many "New Here" threads there are, here is one more.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2017
Location: Caledon, ON
Posts: 130
It's amazing how many "New Here" threads there are, here is one more.
It's amazing what this damned drug does to us all, isn't it? This site has been incredibly helpful to me over the past six months but I continue to be awe struck at how many people are looking for help dealing with this monster.
So, here's a quick run down on me. 38, male, married 16 years, small business owner. Successful, happily married, what the hell happened?
I was raised in a family of drinkers, as it seems a lot of us were. I actually managed, somehow, to socially drink without any issues until I was 30 or so. It's funny, I look back and ask myself, when did I take the drink where I was unable to stop? It's like alcoholism crept up on me. I know stress plays a part for sure,. My "problem" started a few years after I started my business. I'd come home at night, eat dinner then instead of dealing with client e-mails/voicemails I'd have a beer. After a few months it took two beers, then three, four, you know the drill. 3-4 years in it was ~400ml of Rum and a few beers every night, 7pm-11pm, like clockwork. I am over it. I feel terrible, I have symptoms of diabetes and liver disease.
Incredibly, aside from my health and a social life, I have very little to complain about, but I am four days without a drink and despite the fact that I think a beer would be about the best thing ever right now, I am determined not to cave in. Detox has been...difficult so far, and I know it won't get easy any time soon. I'm eating well, sleeping, drinking a lot of water and taking a multi-vitamin. I'd love to seek out AA but I live very rural so I am not sure it's an option. If I feel like I need it I will make it happen. But for now, I am here admitting for the first time to anyone I am an alcoholic and I am determined to stop letting alcohol control my life.
So, here's a quick run down on me. 38, male, married 16 years, small business owner. Successful, happily married, what the hell happened?
I was raised in a family of drinkers, as it seems a lot of us were. I actually managed, somehow, to socially drink without any issues until I was 30 or so. It's funny, I look back and ask myself, when did I take the drink where I was unable to stop? It's like alcoholism crept up on me. I know stress plays a part for sure,. My "problem" started a few years after I started my business. I'd come home at night, eat dinner then instead of dealing with client e-mails/voicemails I'd have a beer. After a few months it took two beers, then three, four, you know the drill. 3-4 years in it was ~400ml of Rum and a few beers every night, 7pm-11pm, like clockwork. I am over it. I feel terrible, I have symptoms of diabetes and liver disease.
Incredibly, aside from my health and a social life, I have very little to complain about, but I am four days without a drink and despite the fact that I think a beer would be about the best thing ever right now, I am determined not to cave in. Detox has been...difficult so far, and I know it won't get easy any time soon. I'm eating well, sleeping, drinking a lot of water and taking a multi-vitamin. I'd love to seek out AA but I live very rural so I am not sure it's an option. If I feel like I need it I will make it happen. But for now, I am here admitting for the first time to anyone I am an alcoholic and I am determined to stop letting alcohol control my life.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2017
Posts: 1,476
Awesome post! It really is amazing how progressive this disease is. Like you, my drinking began to increase in my early 30's. I was traveling a lot on business and I resented my DH for not seeing how unhappy I was. Life began to become a blur and I had no clue how many mistakes I would make going forward. I wish I could have "fast forwarded" my life back then.
Welcome aboard Rmeatgt! This site ROCKS and the people here are amazing. You've come to the right place.
Blue Belt
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Soberville, USA
Posts: 4,174
remeat,
Sounds like a great start to me. In my experience, my new starting line, the real battle begins at about 10 days or so.
That is the mental battle, when your brain says...where is my dopamine replacement.
For me, that lasted a long long time, this last and final time. I didn't even find SR until I was 90 days or so clean and was wondering why I felt like a complete mess.
I had a bunch of other issues you haven't mentioned so I won't get into it, but believe this...half the battle is already won, because you want to quit.
Lifestyle changes were what I used to replace the euphoria and numbing my brain craves.
I am still dealing w new emotions at 22 months sober.
I am proud to say that I am rx drug free. Many of us can't make it out of the addiction w out rx help. My drug is exercise and laughing w my family and friends etc.
Thanks.
Sounds like a great start to me. In my experience, my new starting line, the real battle begins at about 10 days or so.
That is the mental battle, when your brain says...where is my dopamine replacement.
For me, that lasted a long long time, this last and final time. I didn't even find SR until I was 90 days or so clean and was wondering why I felt like a complete mess.
I had a bunch of other issues you haven't mentioned so I won't get into it, but believe this...half the battle is already won, because you want to quit.
Lifestyle changes were what I used to replace the euphoria and numbing my brain craves.
I am still dealing w new emotions at 22 months sober.
I am proud to say that I am rx drug free. Many of us can't make it out of the addiction w out rx help. My drug is exercise and laughing w my family and friends etc.
Thanks.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,558
Hi rmeatgt. 
It's so good to meet you. I felt hopeless until I came here. Knowing I was no longer alone gave me courage. I got sober after a lifetime of drinking. Congratulations on your 4 days of sobriety. It's difficult in the early days - but everything gets better as you work on living in a new way. It feels wonderful to be free of it.
It's so good to meet you. I felt hopeless until I came here. Knowing I was no longer alone gave me courage. I got sober after a lifetime of drinking. Congratulations on your 4 days of sobriety. It's difficult in the early days - but everything gets better as you work on living in a new way. It feels wonderful to be free of it.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2017
Location: Caledon, ON
Posts: 130
Thank you everyone. It really is a huge support to have people who have "succeeded" in breaking the cycle. I know it's not something you're ever cured of, but hearing from people with the same struggles I am having being 8, 16, 22+ months sober and more is really encouraging. I have to remind myself of everyone I hear saying "Life is better without alcohol" and knowing they mean it. It seems like it'd be so easy to just go get drunk and laugh and hate myself in the morning. I am determined not to.
I feel like the week-ten day mark will be rough for me (trying not to psych myself out) only because I already feel SO much better during the day that little ******* in my mind starts saying "well, you feel great after 2, 3, 4 days, just drink tonight and we will start again tomorrow". I know that will likely reach a peak a couple weeks in. I just have to remind myself how terrible I feel the next day.
I go see my GP next Friday, I haven't seen one in years so who knows what she will think. I am terrified to get blood drawn or go for a CT scan for fear of what irreparable damage I've done to myself, but I have to remind myself more drinking certainly won't help that. Half of me is convinced I have diabetes and the other half says what the heck you only drank heavily for 5-8 years. I guess we will see. Thanks again. Hopefully you'll see enough of me here you'll be sick of me soon.
I feel like the week-ten day mark will be rough for me (trying not to psych myself out) only because I already feel SO much better during the day that little ******* in my mind starts saying "well, you feel great after 2, 3, 4 days, just drink tonight and we will start again tomorrow". I know that will likely reach a peak a couple weeks in. I just have to remind myself how terrible I feel the next day.
I go see my GP next Friday, I haven't seen one in years so who knows what she will think. I am terrified to get blood drawn or go for a CT scan for fear of what irreparable damage I've done to myself, but I have to remind myself more drinking certainly won't help that. Half of me is convinced I have diabetes and the other half says what the heck you only drank heavily for 5-8 years. I guess we will see. Thanks again. Hopefully you'll see enough of me here you'll be sick of me soon.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2017
Location: Caledon, ON
Posts: 130
Day 5... dang, I didn't think mornings could get any worse than yesterday. I was wrong! I am wiped out... I guess this is the "flu" everyone talks about. It may seem weird but I am actually glad this sucks...it'll remind me never to want to have to do it again. Onward.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Glen Allen, Va
Posts: 2,589
Welcome to SR! Great post! Your experiences mirror my own a lot. Alcoholism just has a way of sneaking up on you. There were years and years where I could have quit and had no problem at all. Eventually, the idea of quitting became a subject I didn't like to think about. But, the earlier you quit, the easier it is and the more healthy you'll be.
The ten day bump was a problem for me as well. For me, it was at that point that I was past being hung over and had started to really feel great. It was at that point that I wanted to feel even better by drinking again, of course. If you stick it out, those thoughts will return of course, but they'll be weaker and weaker. Anyways, hope that help!
The ten day bump was a problem for me as well. For me, it was at that point that I was past being hung over and had started to really feel great. It was at that point that I wanted to feel even better by drinking again, of course. If you stick it out, those thoughts will return of course, but they'll be weaker and weaker. Anyways, hope that help!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
the more sober you get, the more likely you are to look back and recognize that "drinking without issue" until you were 30 may not have been quite "without issue".... at least, that's how it worked for me as I grew more and more present with my life and more and more honest about all the things I sacrificed while "drinking without issue". And the more I looked, the more I saw how alcoholic drinking didn't just suddenly "happen" one day. There wasn't a one drink too many that tipped the balance....
Anyway - I'm glad you're here, posting, and sharing and learning and growing.
Yes, there are a steady stream of newcomers, re-newcomers, and probably hundreds upon hundreds we never even hear from.... the "silent newcomers" who go back out or never really get to the point that they make a decision to take action.
All around us, everyday in this world.... this modern-day society drives a set of norms and behaviors that contribute to people sacrificing more of their lives to drugs and alcohol than their hearts and souls really want.....
It's a bugger of a thing, booze.
Glad you're with us.
Anyway - I'm glad you're here, posting, and sharing and learning and growing.
Yes, there are a steady stream of newcomers, re-newcomers, and probably hundreds upon hundreds we never even hear from.... the "silent newcomers" who go back out or never really get to the point that they make a decision to take action.
All around us, everyday in this world.... this modern-day society drives a set of norms and behaviors that contribute to people sacrificing more of their lives to drugs and alcohol than their hearts and souls really want.....
It's a bugger of a thing, booze.
Glad you're with us.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2017
Location: Caledon, ON
Posts: 130
I find it very difficult to accurately express my thoughts or feelings this early on, my mind is muddy and scattered. You are absolutely right, I should not have said "without issue". Perhaps without grave health or social issue, or without systemic daily drinking issue... But definitely there was often times an issue with how much I'd drink, drinking to "have fun" etc. Certainly before 30 I was able to have one or two then stop when at a business dinner or with family, but the instances of going out "to drink" was fairly often...Weekends only, you know the story.
I definitely think my alcoholism has always been there, it just didn't become a "big problem" until it took over my daily life, so I didn't recognize it.
It'll be interesting to see how I am able to deal with family and old friends who use any special occasion to get a little, or a lot, drunk... One thing I've always been pretty decent at is sticking to something. Its like a personal challenge even if only I know I'm the one who managed it. Meh, there I go rambling. Thank you for the post, I really appreciate it.
I definitely think my alcoholism has always been there, it just didn't become a "big problem" until it took over my daily life, so I didn't recognize it.
It'll be interesting to see how I am able to deal with family and old friends who use any special occasion to get a little, or a lot, drunk... One thing I've always been pretty decent at is sticking to something. Its like a personal challenge even if only I know I'm the one who managed it. Meh, there I go rambling. Thank you for the post, I really appreciate it.
Originally Posted by FreeOwl 
the more sober you get, the more likely you are to look back and recognize that "drinking without issue" until you were 30 may not have been quite "without issue".... at least, that's how it worked for me as I grew more and more present with my life and more and more honest about all the things I sacrificed while "drinking without issue". And the more I looked, the more I saw how alcoholic drinking didn't just suddenly "happen" one day. There wasn't a one drink too many that tipped the balance....
Anyway - I'm glad you're here, posting, and sharing and learning and growing.
Yes, there are a steady stream of newcomers, re-newcomers, and probably hundreds upon hundreds we never even hear from.... the "silent newcomers" who go back out or never really get to the point that they make a decision to take action.
All around us, everyday in this world.... this modern-day society drives a set of norms and behaviors that contribute to people sacrificing more of their lives to drugs and alcohol than their hearts and souls really want.....
It's a bugger of a thing, booze.
Glad you're with us.
Anyway - I'm glad you're here, posting, and sharing and learning and growing.
Yes, there are a steady stream of newcomers, re-newcomers, and probably hundreds upon hundreds we never even hear from.... the "silent newcomers" who go back out or never really get to the point that they make a decision to take action.
All around us, everyday in this world.... this modern-day society drives a set of norms and behaviors that contribute to people sacrificing more of their lives to drugs and alcohol than their hearts and souls really want.....
It's a bugger of a thing, booze.
Glad you're with us.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2016
Location: Rupert ID
Posts: 469
Originally Posted by rmeatgt350
I definitely think my alcoholism has always been there, it just didn't become a "big problem" until it took over my daily life, so I didn't recognize it.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: MN
Posts: 8,704
Welcome to SR rmeat, if you are like most of us, your decision to quit drinking will be one of the better ones you'll make in your life. I owned a small business as well and it contributed to my drinking problems. I quit last year and I haven't had a day of regret. The early days are the hardest, but they pass. You'll find tons of support here.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 2,966
Just a 'heads up'... Life IS better without alcohol. How ever...life is still life without it. This led me back to the bottle many times,always with a worse outcome and more drinking. Plan for moments in life where you 'think' a buzz would make you 'feel better/forget' about, life for a bit. These instances are the toughest for me at my 3'ish months sober. Have a plan.
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