New to site, 9 days sober
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2017
Posts: 3
New to site, 9 days sober
I started drinking at 18 to escape the stress of life challenges and because I learned I liked the drunk me better than the sober me. I would characterize myself has a heavy drinker from 18 til now at 44, 26 years. Never let drinking get out of hand where I had legal or social consequences but got heavily buzzed 4 out of seven nights a week for 26 years--sometimes more sometimes less. I would say up until I was 40 I drank on average 22 drinks a week. Hard liquor was my choice always. Last four years as I got older it didn't take as much to get buzzed so I tapered back to ONLY 15 drinks a week. I was sober for 30 day straight for only one period in the last 26 years a couple years ago and saw some positive changes.
I finally have made a decision to stop drinking. I have suffered from depression since around the time I started drinking at 18 and the combo of alcohol and depression has finally withered my life down to something that just doesn't work anymore. The combo has made my family life a disaster life and is about to lead me to a divorce and I need the clarity that only sobriety can bring.
Right now at day 9 I'm able to abstain pretty well but the anxiety inside of me is strong as I have lost my two decade old coping mechanism of dealing with stress and my emotions,BOOZE. I look forward to the positive changes sobriety and a brain free of booze will bring in my life, but I am anxious about all the damage my alcohol use has caused in my 4 year marriage to date. I worry about how and if we will get along as the new me develops. I also have to work hard at changing my dysfunctional ways while being sober.
That's my story for now, 9 days and counting. Thanks for reading.
I finally have made a decision to stop drinking. I have suffered from depression since around the time I started drinking at 18 and the combo of alcohol and depression has finally withered my life down to something that just doesn't work anymore. The combo has made my family life a disaster life and is about to lead me to a divorce and I need the clarity that only sobriety can bring.
Right now at day 9 I'm able to abstain pretty well but the anxiety inside of me is strong as I have lost my two decade old coping mechanism of dealing with stress and my emotions,BOOZE. I look forward to the positive changes sobriety and a brain free of booze will bring in my life, but I am anxious about all the damage my alcohol use has caused in my 4 year marriage to date. I worry about how and if we will get along as the new me develops. I also have to work hard at changing my dysfunctional ways while being sober.
That's my story for now, 9 days and counting. Thanks for reading.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2017
Posts: 60
Welcome - I'm new too but on day one. Congratulations on day 9.
I can definitely relate to the depression. My drinking started when I was very young but it's ran almost parallel to my problems with depression and anxiety. I even take medication and have had treatment for it but continued to drink with brief periods of sobriety here and there. In my experience, alcohol absolutely makes my own mental health issues worse. It helps with the anxiety for a brief period but when it returns it is so much more terrifying. This knowledge should have kept me from relapsing repeatedly but hey, live and learn!
Glad you're here :-)
I can definitely relate to the depression. My drinking started when I was very young but it's ran almost parallel to my problems with depression and anxiety. I even take medication and have had treatment for it but continued to drink with brief periods of sobriety here and there. In my experience, alcohol absolutely makes my own mental health issues worse. It helps with the anxiety for a brief period but when it returns it is so much more terrifying. This knowledge should have kept me from relapsing repeatedly but hey, live and learn!
Glad you're here :-)
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2017
Posts: 3
New to site
Hello MrsL. I have been on antidepressants too for about 15 years now. Always drank while taking them so who knows how much the prescriptions were or were not working. The years of heavy drinking, life stress, and pharmaceuticals have definitely screwed up the wiring in my brain. I am ready for a new normal. Alcohol numbed my negative feelings from depression but at the same time made me more depressed. Alcohol was my coping mechanism for nearly 20 years and left me without appropriate emotional responses then at age 37 I lost my wife and mother to our two kids suddenly to pneumonia. Lost my dad a year later. Then my mother four years later. Throw in a new marriage in those years and alcohol has been holding me together and destroying me mentally at the same time. I've gotten to the point where mentally I'm falling apart and I have to get rid of the alcohol in order to face/beat/ease the depression and deal with my negative emotions head on. I'm glad I've come to this conclusion now I just have to see it through. Going to Vegas tomorrow for the bball tournament and there will be temptation galore to make an excuse that a drink will only impair me for a day or that a few days of drinking isn't a problem, I just need to limit my drinking. But booze has wrecked my brain. I am determined to not drink as I know it just makes me depressed and I don't want a depressed life anymore. That's my commitment.
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Join Date: Mar 2017
Posts: 60
Originally Posted by mattynice919 
Hello MrsL. I have been on antidepressants too for about 15 years now. Always drank while taking them so who knows how much the prescriptions were or were not working. The years of heavy drinking, life stress, and pharmaceuticals have definitely screwed up the wiring in my brain. I am ready for a new normal. Alcohol numbed my negative feelings from depression but at the same time made me more depressed. Alcohol was my coping mechanism for nearly 20 years and left me without appropriate emotional responses then at age 37 I lost my wife and mother to our two kids suddenly to pneumonia. Lost my dad a year later. Then my mother four years later. Throw in a new marriage in those years and alcohol has been holding me together and destroying me mentally at the same time. I've gotten to the point where mentally I'm falling apart and I have to get rid of the alcohol in order to face/beat/ease the depression and deal with my negative emotions head on. I'm glad I've come to this conclusion now I just have to see it through. Going to Vegas tomorrow for the bball tournament and there will be temptation galore to make an excuse that a drink will only impair me for a day or that a few days of drinking isn't a problem, I just need to limit my drinking. But booze has wrecked my brain. I am determined to not drink as I know it just makes me depressed and I don't want a depressed life anymore. That's my commitment.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: East Coast USA
Posts: 120,870
Welcome to SR, mattynice, and congrats on 9 sober days.
Stay close to us; we are here for you.
Ignore your AV; he is the consummate liar and will try a million different strategies to get you to drink (especially lies about moderation).
Lean on us; Vegas is 24/7 and so is SR; we will stand with you against your AV.
Again, welcome; so glad you found us.
Stay close to us; we are here for you.
Ignore your AV; he is the consummate liar and will try a million different strategies to get you to drink (especially lies about moderation).
Lean on us; Vegas is 24/7 and so is SR; we will stand with you against your AV.
Again, welcome; so glad you found us.
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,424
Hi mattynice - glad to have you join us 
This site really helped me - just knowing there were people out there who understood and who would support me when I needed it made all the difference for me
D
This site really helped me - just knowing there were people out there who understood and who would support me when I needed it made all the difference for me
D
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