gypsy04

Hello- Yep this is my first post. I have been reading as a guest for quite some time, signed up and have sat and pondered posting everyday since. I have learned plenty from reading not only the stickies but through posts on the forum. All the reading in the world will probably never be enough to figure this all out. Where to start I am a recovering drug addict (quite a few years clean)...Here is where my ABF enters the picture- Yes I knew he was an alcoholic from day one he never hid that from me, in all honesty it wouldn't have mattered if he did I saw all the red flags. Flash forward a few years he is now doing a inpatient rehab program(sober almost 60 days same for me) and will be home very soon. There have been so many emotions in just this little bit of time...I am excited for him to come home but man is my anxiety through the roof. Who would have thought that being on the other side of someones elses sobriety would be so hard to navigate. While there have been many good things that have started taking place the last 60ish days I see the long road we have ahead of us....maybe I am living to far in the future right now and that is where the anxiety is stemming from..maybe I am worried that we will drift apart as he works on finding a sober man that he hasn't seen in 15-20 years- Will I "fall" in love with this new man. Hell will he still be in love with me after all- we are both working different recoveries. So many unknowns. Thanks for reading it felt good to write some of this out!

LexieCat

Welcome, gypsy. None of us ever knows for sure what sobriety will bring. I hope you will consider Al-Anon, if you're not already going. Because you're right--navigating one's own sobriety is a lot different from navigating someone else's addiction and recovery.

Ariesagain

Sending you a hug. Welcome!

gypsy04

Thanks, I have looked into alanon and have even looked up meetings in my area but actually going has proved to be much harder than I thought. I will get the courage soon I'm sure! My reservations come from reading through what others went through. My A has always been fun and happy while drunk...no abuse physical or verbal. Our only issue was he couldn't hold a job and was quite close to death before he went. I feel as though others went through much more than me.

LexieCat

The point of Al-Anon is not to help survivors of abuse. Were you affected, in any negative way, by his drinking? I already know you have anxiety about adjusting to his recovery.

Well, good news. You are EXACTLY the kind of person Al-Anon is designed to help.

PhoenixJ

Welcome- gypsy, but no longer a wandering one- just a wondering one. Keep posting, reading, sharing, learning and growing. Writing about stuff helps me heaps.
Support to you PJ.

gypsy04

yes I have have had some negative things happen and feelings because of the drinking. Good news is- I am going to a beginners meeting on Monday. I think that is a good place to start. I have also picked up co dependent no more and get them sober to do some more reading. I am looking forward to spending more time working on myself and not becoming absorbed in his recovery.

jessicamae

Thank you for posting this. I can tell you from experience, on thing that runs me is FEAR- FEAR= false evidence appearing real. It can be very tricky sometimes with 2 recovering addicts/alcoholics. My boyfriend has 4 years sober and I have 18 months and we have been together for 4 years. He went through a really bad relapse with me and it was pretty bad. It took a good year for him to feel comfortable again and it took a good year for me to get where I needed to be. I know it can be hard but just try to have faith and not be in charge of it. Meetings are absolutely wonderful

gypsy04

Congrats on your sobriety! Yes I am looking forward to my first alanon meeting although it is out of my comfort zone. I do know we are going to have a long journey especially with both of us having so many "obstacles" to overcome. My A and I talked last night for awhile and he would also like me to attend some AA meetings as well since I have had some struggles the past 60 days on my own not drinking. As long as I work on me, at least my life will continue to get better, I hope he also continues his program when he returns home. Time will tell

Jaeger

I just picked up Getting Them Sober this weekend. Highly recommend it! I've been in Al-Anon for four years now and wish I had read this years ago!

gypsy04

I read for quite awhile last night and so far think it is a fantastic book!

CarryThatWeight

There is a chapter in the AA big book entitled "To Wives." You mentioned some anxiety over the new way of life, with him navigating his recovery and you yours. It might give you a little perspective. It might not. I hope you go to the al anon meeting. Everything is suggested and nothing is required. For me al anon has been a safe and comforting place.

gypsy04

Thank you, I will take a look at that. I do still plan on going to my first alanon meeting. He will be coming home next week so it will be nice to have a few meetings under my belt before then.