3 Weeks In
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Join Date: Mar 2017
Posts: 1,476
3 Weeks In
Well, today is my 3 week mark and I’m thankful to have made it this far. It feels good to have a sense of control over my life again. I still have challenges with sleep and occasionally, I’ve been dealing with dull headaches. I know it’s withdrawal and eventually I’ll get past it. The last time I quit drinking for a substantial length of time I made it 11 months before I started drinking again and “the nightmare” started all over again. Since then I’ve had short spirts, adding up to approximately 3 months each time. I read somewhere that relapse is part of recovery. I’m done with relapsing, I’m ready for the real thing!
My DH and I are doing this together. He once was sober for 1 yr before he went back. Both of us have been in the rooms of AA. DH didn’t like AA. I guess he wasn’t ready for it. On the other hand, I enjoyed listening to the stories of people, just like me. For now, I’m using SR for support, getting lots of exercise, taking vitamins, eating well and reading as much as I can about this disease. Will I return to AA? Possibly. For now I have a GP and if I find that I need additional support, I’ll find some meetings.
What worries me at this juncture is DH. He seems to think that like the last time he got sober, he can white knuckle it. Obviously, his way of thinking didn’t result in success, as he went right back to it. Additionally, he suffers from depression. I know, I know, I know, we all do …to a certain degree. But his is different. I think he may have ADHD. I’m not a doctor but I’ve done some research and he shows all signs. People with ADHD find it difficult to stay focused, and completing anything they’ve started is a major struggle. As we all know, getting sober isn’t easy and it takes patience and time. He has gone to see 2 doctors for diagnosis for ADHD and each time he only went once. I know he’s very depressed right now because he struggles to accomplish anything and he sleeps most of the day. It makes me feel so sad for him, but I don’t want to nag him. I’ve learned from previous times of abstinence, it does no good to preach to him because he becomes resentful and he turns away. I’ve told him about SR, without forcing the website on him. The way I see it, if he wants to learn more, he will ask me to show him what I’m learning and become more active in his own recovery. The one piece of advice that I have given him that seems to be sticking is “Make the decision that you will not drink today.” He’s also working out with me. I really want him to finally find happiness with me and take this journey. I’m just not sure how long he will stick with it.
DH wants recovery, I know that! Unfortunately, he is currently in the mindset that if he never drinks again, he will never be happy. During one conversation we had, I asked him if he thought that he was “happy” when he was drinking. “You’re not going to find the happiness you’re looking for in a bottle; It will only lead you right back to how you felt the morning after our last drunk; Nothing worth anything is easy…” See, now I sound like I’m preaching. And who the hell am I to be counseling him? On top of it all, the doctor has told him that he shouldn’t drink. He has issues with his liver and his blood pressure sky rockets when he drinks (I’m talking scary high!!!). On many occasions, he could have had a stroke! But he knows how to bring it down with medication and other remedies he’s researched.
We have a scheduled appointment at the end of this month with a psychologist. By then we will have been sober for over 30 days. My hope is that the doctor will be able to step in and take the reins, so that I can focus on my recovery and not keep worrying about him.
Sorry for the spew…just needed to vent.
Thank you all for helping to get me to this point in my recovery. I truly appreciate all the support!
My DH and I are doing this together. He once was sober for 1 yr before he went back. Both of us have been in the rooms of AA. DH didn’t like AA. I guess he wasn’t ready for it. On the other hand, I enjoyed listening to the stories of people, just like me. For now, I’m using SR for support, getting lots of exercise, taking vitamins, eating well and reading as much as I can about this disease. Will I return to AA? Possibly. For now I have a GP and if I find that I need additional support, I’ll find some meetings.
What worries me at this juncture is DH. He seems to think that like the last time he got sober, he can white knuckle it. Obviously, his way of thinking didn’t result in success, as he went right back to it. Additionally, he suffers from depression. I know, I know, I know, we all do …to a certain degree. But his is different. I think he may have ADHD. I’m not a doctor but I’ve done some research and he shows all signs. People with ADHD find it difficult to stay focused, and completing anything they’ve started is a major struggle. As we all know, getting sober isn’t easy and it takes patience and time. He has gone to see 2 doctors for diagnosis for ADHD and each time he only went once. I know he’s very depressed right now because he struggles to accomplish anything and he sleeps most of the day. It makes me feel so sad for him, but I don’t want to nag him. I’ve learned from previous times of abstinence, it does no good to preach to him because he becomes resentful and he turns away. I’ve told him about SR, without forcing the website on him. The way I see it, if he wants to learn more, he will ask me to show him what I’m learning and become more active in his own recovery. The one piece of advice that I have given him that seems to be sticking is “Make the decision that you will not drink today.” He’s also working out with me. I really want him to finally find happiness with me and take this journey. I’m just not sure how long he will stick with it.
DH wants recovery, I know that! Unfortunately, he is currently in the mindset that if he never drinks again, he will never be happy. During one conversation we had, I asked him if he thought that he was “happy” when he was drinking. “You’re not going to find the happiness you’re looking for in a bottle; It will only lead you right back to how you felt the morning after our last drunk; Nothing worth anything is easy…” See, now I sound like I’m preaching. And who the hell am I to be counseling him? On top of it all, the doctor has told him that he shouldn’t drink. He has issues with his liver and his blood pressure sky rockets when he drinks (I’m talking scary high!!!). On many occasions, he could have had a stroke! But he knows how to bring it down with medication and other remedies he’s researched.
We have a scheduled appointment at the end of this month with a psychologist. By then we will have been sober for over 30 days. My hope is that the doctor will be able to step in and take the reins, so that I can focus on my recovery and not keep worrying about him.
Sorry for the spew…just needed to vent.
Thank you all for helping to get me to this point in my recovery. I truly appreciate all the support!
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Congratulations on 3 weeks of sobriety. You are finding the down side of trying to recover with someone else. There could be mutual support or a lot of worry. Honestly, if your husband thinks he will never be happy if he stops drinking, then it's going to be a rough road for him. As you know, recovery is very hard and you need to be motivated. I hope that you find some help from your psychologist.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2017
Posts: 1,476
Originally Posted by Anna 
Congratulations on 3 weeks of sobriety. You are finding the down side of trying to recover with someone else. There could be mutual support or a lot of worry. Honestly, if your husband thinks he will never be happy if he stops drinking, then it's going to be a rough road for him. As you know, recovery is very hard and you need to be motivated. I hope that you find some help from your psychologist.
As I stated in my post, I don't want to lecture him because I'm afraid he will think that I'm trying to control him. My hope is that a professional will be able to lead him to the information and guidance he needs in or to find true happiness. I know it can be done not only from reading (SR and books), but my mother and brother were able to stop drinking and find what all of us are searching for, genuine happiness.
I will definitely send an update on how our first meeting turns out. Until then, I will wait
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